Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 11 12

Original poster

Cousin didn’t ask me to be bridesmaid

277 replies

Cloudyyy · 21/01/2020 19:42

My cousin is basically my best friend and I’ve just found out - from other friends- that she’s asked them to be bridesmaids at her wedding but not me. Obviously it is her choice but I’m very upset that this is how I find out how little I mean to her! I asked her about it and she says she wants my son to be her page boy instead. It feels as though she only wants him because it suits her photos and I don’t really fit the mold. I realise it sounds petty but AIBU to tell her to find another page boy?

OP posts:

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/01/2020 20:06

Bloody hell just get a grip and stop acting like an overtired toddler. You get a say in your wedding, no one else's.

PixiePowered · 21/01/2020 20:06

To those who’ve asked... I just don’t look like her or her other bridesmaids. I won’t want to elaborate too much in because she’s on here but I’m probably not what he wanted in her photos.

For someone who is your closest friend you have a very low opinion of them.

IWantThatName · 21/01/2020 20:07

I think your cousin should have discussed this with you first, rather than you finding out from friends. But why don't you feel happy that she'd like your son to be page boy? Wouldn't he look cute? So what if that's why she wants him. Nobody chooses young children to be flower girls or page boys except for the fact they look cute in photos. And you get to be the cute boy's mother. Lap up the praise from all the other guests!

Also - you are choosing to let yourself be upset over this. You can also choose not to be upset.

Original poster

Cloudyyy · 21/01/2020 20:07

Yes I do have a low opinion of her today!

OP posts:

AllergicToAMop · 21/01/2020 20:08

I think you have some chip on a shoulder...

MissSueDenim · 21/01/2020 20:09

Well does she have other cousins apart from you? Regardless of how close you two are, maybe she thinks they’ll be offended if she asks you & not them iyswim? So she feels like she either has to have all her cousins or non at all to be fair. Even if the other cousins are not offended personally, maybe an aunt / uncle will be if you’re included & the other cousins aren’t. Weddings do bring out the worst in people.

Original poster

Cloudyyy · 21/01/2020 20:09

@Disfordarkchocolate I don’t want a day in her wedding! In fact, I was asking if it would be unreasonable to opt out altogether and just go as a guest. I don’t want my son to be her page boy because I’m very hurt.

OP posts:

SomeLikeItTepid · 21/01/2020 20:09

Is it possible that if she had asked you she would have felt that she would also need to include other cousins or family members, that perhaps she rather wouldn't? Maybe by including your DS she is trying to avoid a bigger family fall out?

Gizlotsmum · 21/01/2020 20:10

Would there be other cousins who would want to be bridesmaid if you were? Maybe she only wants x bridesmaids and you didn't make the cut? Maybe you don't suit her wedding pics. Only way to know is to ask her.

SomeLikeItTepid · 21/01/2020 20:10

X post with Denim

puds11 · 21/01/2020 20:12

Was she your bridesmaid?

SleepingStandingUp · 21/01/2020 20:13

If you think she's so shallow that she's not picked you because you aren't pretty / slim enough then I'd be reconsidering the friendship as you obviously don't think much of her.

How old is your sin?

Brokenlightfitting · 21/01/2020 20:14

A bridesmaid is an unmarried female of marriageable age ? Are you that?

Some people have a matron of honour ?

MissConductUS · 21/01/2020 20:14

It's impossible to organize a wedding without pissing off people. My DM wanted to invite everyone she ever met, spoke to or stood next to to my wedding. She felt it was a massive injustice when I said no. People didn't like the table they were put at. One aunt complained that they didn't have enough bread rolls with dinner.

It's not about you.

BohoBunney · 21/01/2020 20:14

You might find you opting out of your son being a page boy means you opt out of the wedding all together as she may get upset and not invite you at all.

Have you told her how you really feel? Sat down like grown ups and discussed the matter?

carly2803 · 21/01/2020 20:15

yanbu feeling upset
but

you have dodged a bullet! being bridemaid isnt always fun, especially with kids!

Elieza · 21/01/2020 20:15

Weddings are a minefield. It’s murder to try and keep everyone happy. Perhaps she couldn’t make everyone part of the wedding party and that’s why she thought of using your cute boy instead of you, to give your side of the family a person in the wedding party. Perhaps the other friends are happy to help financially. Perhaps she does want all brunettes or blondes in the pics. Or the bridesmaid dresses are cheap and only come in limited sizes and you’re too big or too small for them. Or your more like a maid of honour because you’re a mum but she has someone else or hasn’t the cash or her husbands moaning about the size and cost of the bridal party. Who knows.

If your boy would like it let him do it. If not say no. But don’t cut his nose off to spite your face. Why should he miss out on something if he’d enjoy it just because you’re hurt. Speak to your friend again and sort it out or your friendship will be over.

Original poster

Cloudyyy · 21/01/2020 20:15

Thanks for all the helpful comments everyone and apologies for the typos.

It is possible there are other family members she doesn’t want to upset but we have always been very close and spend a lot of time together. She was my bridesmaid and she’s always been my best friend, I thought I was hers too. It feels like an insult to expect my son to be there parading in the photos with him but I’m not close enough to be her bridesmaid.

OP posts:

SproutMuncher · 21/01/2020 20:16

A bridesmaid is an unmarried female of marriageable age

Not in the 21st century it isn’t

Butterymuffin · 21/01/2020 20:17

If she's your best friend, you should be able to say 'Look, I'm hurt that you didn't ask me to be your bridesmaid'. Can you do that, face to face? That would get it out in the open.

@MissConductUS the bread roll complaint isn't really the same. It is 'about you' in this instance!

GreenBasket · 21/01/2020 20:18

You are being mega petty. What are you going to do if you don't let your son be page boy? Just go along and all have sulky faces on, determined to ruin her day?! Or worse, not go at all to 'prove a point'?!

Let your son be page boy - she probably wants you on hand if he gets cold feet or whatever - not leaving her one bridesmaid down to go tend to your kid.

She could have ten other friends pissed off they aren't bridesmaids. She can't have everyone.

Original poster

Cloudyyy · 21/01/2020 20:18

Thanks again, just read the last few messages. I think I’m very upset and need to calm down before going to speak to her again about it and hopefully talk it out. Thanks everyone again!

OP posts:

Leaannb · 21/01/2020 20:18

Are you seriously jealous of a child?

Original poster

Cloudyyy · 21/01/2020 20:20

@GreenBasket so just because she wants him I am must oblige? No way I can say no politely? I feel cornered and would rather just sit as a quiet guest.

OP posts:

heartsonacake · 21/01/2020 20:20

YABU. I’m also with everyone else who thinks you would be being very petty to not let your son be a page boy just because you aren’t a bridesmaid.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 11 12