Was I raped or did I cheat?

[usernamechange123]

Last year in the summer, I went out with my girlfriends.

We are always friendly and chat to women and men, always have a good dance and drink.

I ended up separated from my friends, couldn't put my words together and couldn't see straight (this has never happened to me before, I've always been fine after a drink, never put myself in any danger and always stop drinking when I feel tipsy and start drinking water). I don't know what happened but I remember being in a taxi with a man who we'd been chatting to him and his friends etc in the smoking area when my friends went for a cigarette.

I must of panicked in the taxi as I remember him saying "I know you're married, you can sleep on the sofa and I'll call you a taxi in the morning, I just wanted you to be safe".

I was sick in the taxi, then I remember being in his kitchen, he gave me water and that's the last thing I remember clearly.

I then remember being face down on his bed and him inside me, I must of passed out because I woke up in his bed completely naked. I was shaking and felt like I'd been hit over the head with something, way worse than any hangover I've ever had.

I got out of bed, put my clothes on and he called me an Uber.

I went straight to the bathroom and had blood running down my legs after having a wee and my stomach was agony.

I left, got an Uber home, got in the bath and have been crying every day since. I feel so guilty, I can't tell DH. I love him more than anything and have never ever considered cheating on him. We've been together since we were 16.

I'm scared that I was drugged and raped and then another part of me can't remember if I initiated anything (again, this has never been in my character before and I do not agree with cheating). Because my memory of that night is in tiny bits and I can't, as hard as a I try, put it all together. I also had a "hangover" for about 2 days, was extremely sick including blood and couldn't lift my head up at one stage. (I've never taken any kind of drugs before so don't know if this is a side effect).

I don't know what to do, please does anyone have any advice? Please be kind I'm already beating myself up for this every single day.

You were raped
Being married makes no difference
Getting in the taxi with him makes no difference
Drinking makes no difference
Going in his house makes no difference

You did not consent.

I’m sorry. You were raped. You were unable to consent and therefore were raped.

Oh my heart goes out to you.

I am so sorry. I hope that writing it down and sharing this is helpful for you to see that a terrible thing happened to you.

Do you have any friends or family that you can share this with so they can come along side you?

xxx

Bless you what an awful experience. It doesn’t sound like you were in any state to consent. I hope some others can come along with more helpful replies. Xxx

You were raped, I'm so sorry. Tell your DH and the police. What did you tell DH at the time? Surely he was worried when you didn't come home then turned up in a state the next day?

I’m so sorry you were raped. You were in no state to consent even if you weren’t (and it sounds like you were) spiked. Pls call Rape crisis or confide in your mum/sister/friend? Pls do not continue to hate your self for this

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP, you were raped. You clearly weren't in a position to consent, and for parts weren't even conscious

Do you have any idea who this man is, where he lived etc? If you called the Iver on your phone would it give you the address you called from?

You need to speak to someone in rl, perhaps a rape crisis line initially?

I hope someoen with more useful support comes along xx

Oh OP.

No. You did not cheat.

Yes. It was rape.

It sounds as though you may have been drugged too.

Is there anyone you can speak to in RL? A friend?

Medical professional too, you will need to ensure there was no lasting injury

so sorry op you were raped, you did nothing wrong, it sounds like he drugged you, then raped you.
Can you talk to a sympathetic friend ?

This sounds horrific, you clearly weren’t in any fit state that soMe one should have had sex with you. I would ring a rape help line and get some counselling. I don’t think you’d want to peruse a conviction (Even though you have every right rik I would think) as it’d be painfully public so I think you should get help to heal x x x

Oh op. It sounds like you were spiked then raped. You definitely didn't consent to sex. Please call the police. How long ago was it? Has your dh noticed you being upset since? You need to tell him and the police. Tell him what you've written here. Please op, you have done nothing wrong. X

You were raped. I'm sorry.

Darling, if you were too drunk or drugged to remember giving consent, even if you did, you were raped. Tell somebody and get some support, please.

In my long-gone dating days (over 25 years ago) every man I got into a relationship with was careful that I was completely sober the first time we slept together. It’s what decent men, who respect women and value their own reputations, do.

Rape. You must have been drugged. What an awful experience. Tell your doctor and the police.
You poor thing x

Op your user name is on now????

Bless you op

You need to see a doctor did you take the MAP?

You may have been given some sort of drug in your drink. But it's some time ago now. Did you seek any medical attention at the time?
I think the best thing is to get some therapy and try and sort through it.

If you were that out of it then you couldn't have consented, even if you were only drunk. There is a good chance he drugged you though I'm sorry
Call rape crisis. You don't have to do anything, but you would benefit from some qualified, impartial listening.

.

Have just realised last summer so unlikely to be pregnant but an STI check?

Take this thread to the police OP and your husband and mother with you. Show them this and say no more my love xxxx it will be alright, you will have the support xxxx

OP your username is now back on.

And also sorry to say yes you were raped. Your actions were absolutely normal, you are allowed to go out with your friends and drink and talk to people of both sexes. You did nothing wrong.

Bless your heart. How long ago did this happen? It might be a good idea to go to GP just so hey can check your injuries and make sure there are after effects that need to be treated.
100% You were raped, think to yourself would you have gotten in the car or went to his house if you weren’t spiked? You didn’t do anything wrong, but he did and will likely try it again.
Look after yourself, I don’t know what to tell you about your husband, If you were my wife I’d want to know and help you I would t blame you at all. I’d also like to pay this “man” a visit, but if you decide to go forward with this the. the police are obviously the best way to go.