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Original poster

Was I raped or did I cheat?

179 replies

usernamechange123 · 19/01/2020 18:30

Last year in the summer, I went out with my girlfriends.

We are always friendly and chat to women and men, always have a good dance and drink.

I ended up separated from my friends, couldn't put my words together and couldn't see straight (this has never happened to me before, I've always been fine after a drink, never put myself in any danger and always stop drinking when I feel tipsy and start drinking water). I don't know what happened but I remember being in a taxi with a man who we'd been chatting to him and his friends etc in the smoking area when my friends went for a cigarette.

I must of panicked in the taxi as I remember him saying "I know you're married, you can sleep on the sofa and I'll call you a taxi in the morning, I just wanted you to be safe".

I was sick in the taxi, then I remember being in his kitchen, he gave me water and that's the last thing I remember clearly.

I then remember being face down on his bed and him inside me, I must of passed out because I woke up in his bed completely naked. I was shaking and felt like I'd been hit over the head with something, way worse than any hangover I've ever had.

I got out of bed, put my clothes on and he called me an Uber.

I went straight to the bathroom and had blood running down my legs after having a wee and my stomach was agony.

I left, got an Uber home, got in the bath and have been crying every day since. I feel so guilty, I can't tell DH. I love him more than anything and have never ever considered cheating on him. We've been together since we were 16.

I'm scared that I was drugged and raped and then another part of me can't remember if I initiated anything (again, this has never been in my character before and I do not agree with cheating). Because my memory of that night is in tiny bits and I can't, as hard as a I try, put it all together. I also had a "hangover" for about 2 days, was extremely sick including blood and couldn't lift my head up at one stage. (I've never taken any kind of drugs before so don't know if this is a side effect).

I don't know what to do, please does anyone have any advice? Please be kind I'm already beating myself up for this every single day.

OP posts:
ILoveAScotchEggMe · 19/01/2020 19:36

He would have said the bit about your being married etc. for the benefit of the taxi driver who may have been concerned for you otherwise.

The taxi driver will remember you ? or is it too long ago? He might even have CCTV.

user1473878824 · 19/01/2020 19:36

Oh OP. So much good advice on here I couldn’t even hope to match, but I just wanted to send you an unMumsnetty hug. You did nothing, NOTHING, wrong. I’m so sorry this happened to you. xxx

Beachmummy23 · 19/01/2020 19:41

I had my drink spiked before and the effects sound very similar. I'm so sorry that this has happened. You were raped xx

cybergran · 19/01/2020 19:41

op you should seriously consider the police....
I don't want to add to your worries, but for all you know he could have recorded and uploaded it on to the internet...

sti testing is essential - you could be harming your baby if you don't.

latheritup · 19/01/2020 19:43

I'm so sorry this happened to you, this is awful. It absolutely sounds like you were raped and this is NOT your fault.

Please seek some support and report this Thanks

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 19/01/2020 19:46

Oh usernamechange123 I am so sorry this was done to you

Yes you were raped and I guess likely I have been drugged too

Keeping this all to yourself will only harm you more. Please confide in a friend and if you can your husband when you feel ready. You need support and please remember this was done to you

And if you do feel able to report do so once you have support. It’s irrelevant it happens months ago

You have made a very brave first step xx

letmebefrank · 19/01/2020 19:48

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm glad you are going to see help.

alifelived · 19/01/2020 19:49

Oh my god OP you poor thing.

You’ve been raped and I think you need to speak to someone about it.

namechange1290 · 19/01/2020 19:49

Thank you so much everyone.

It's not that I don't think DH will be supportive, I've known him for nearly 11 years and he's only ever always been kind, loving and loyal to me, we've had our ups and downs like every couple but I feel loved every single day and he's my best friend so I know he would support me.

But I know it'd break his heart and I don't know if I can do that to him.

On the other hand, I understand why you are all saying that his support would help me through this xx

RicketyClickety · 19/01/2020 19:50

Another vote for you having been drugged and raped. I'm so sorry. That's awful. Please understand that you did nothing wrong.

If you want to go that route, you (or the police) might well be able to find out the address you were picked up from, from Uber.

MrsWhites · 19/01/2020 19:52

What an absolutely awful thing to happen to you OP.

My only advise would be to imagine if something so awful happened to your husband...I’m sure you would want him to tell you so you could support him through such an awful time.

namechange1290 · 19/01/2020 19:52

@setthescene and @do*@SetTheScene nans @do*ttydolly72 I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences xx

DeeZastris · 19/01/2020 19:53

I’m so this has happened to.
It does sound like you were drugged and he definitely raped you.

namechange1290 · 19/01/2020 19:54

I don't know what the hell happened to my last message Confused

THAT90sBITCH · 19/01/2020 19:54

You need to tell your DH so he can get tested too

LolaSkoda · 19/01/2020 20:01

I’m so sorry this person did this to you. I truly am. It’s awful.

It sounds like your DH is a great guy. I don’t think anyone who loves you would ever not want you to tell them what has happened to you.

I find it hard to have face to face conversations about really serious things. Would it help you to write down what happened and give it to him?

Notimeforaname · 19/01/2020 20:02

Yes that's very true, your partner also needs to know for his sexual health.
I do hope you can recieve the help you need OP.
You are very strong to have gotten to this point. You must be so exhausted now, carrying this alone. Xx

Discombobulated47 · 19/01/2020 20:05

It's worth going to the police and reporting it, you may not be the only one. More of you together would help a conviction Flowers.

BertieBotts · 19/01/2020 20:06

I think your DH would be more heartbroken to think you felt you couldn't tell him, than to learn that this has happened. Maybe you could ask a friend to be with you if you don't want to tell him alone?

eddielizzard · 19/01/2020 20:12

I'm so sorry this happened to you namechange1290, it wasn't your fault. Flowers

UYScuti · 19/01/2020 20:16

But I know it'd break his heart and I don't know if I can do that to him
we are all aware of this case www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50987823
'Reynhard Sinaga was found guilty of luring 48 men from outside Manchester clubs to his flat, where he drugged and assaulted them - filming the attacks'

if this had happened to your husband wouldnt you want him to tell you, and if he did would you be thinking about your broken heart or would you be horrified and want to do all you could to help him with this terrible trauma?

Notimeforaname · 19/01/2020 20:18

I think what a PP said about having someone there when you tell your husband is a good idea. It might be slightly easier to tell a female friend or relative first...

kateandme · 19/01/2020 20:20

im so sorry.this si horrific.i would try and tell someone.even if its not your dh yet,then someone who can wrap you up and help you heal.keeping it in is making it spin around and around inside you becoming more toxic as you keep punishing yourself.which you dont need to do! this was not your fault.this was done to you.
if you tell it might feel like it is even more spinning out of control.like this fungus is now leaching out.but once that settles the relief and release can be immense.and it means this huge weight in your heart is then lifted or shared or at the very least supported.you deserve love,support and to be held through this.
you said you got an uber home.that should be on record.i dont know how uber works but do you have an account.in which case will it have on record of past usages?im cetain it might be something they can get.if you know the night aswell the police might be able to get the taxi you both got to his?

namechange1290 · 19/01/2020 20:21

Thank you everyone so much, your support has me in tears of relief weirdly even though I don't know any of you personally, I feel like maybe I can accept this isn't my fault now after all of your kind words and get the help I need.

My plan is to contact the rape crisis line one of you kindly posted on here tomorrow, my local sexual health clinic and get tested.

Once I have results I think I have made my mind up to tell DH and log it with police as soon as possible because I'd like to prevent this happening to anybody else if I can.

Nobody needs to know, I hope I can keep this between DH and I, also I will confide in my aunt as she is more like my Mum.

Thank you all so much, I feel I'll sleep easier tonight now I have a plan.

Tubdoi · 19/01/2020 20:22

Go to the doctor . Sending lots of sympathy .

Tell your doctor and take it from there .