Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

smoking

388 replies

Hopex3 · 18/01/2020 22:56

AIBU to think smoking if you have children is an incredibly selfish decision? having a debate with a friend who claims as she does it out of sight of her children it is not and she is entitled to a vice as she devotes her life to the children. from my view, it can cause illnesses, costs money that could go on other things for the family and quite frankly isnt a healthy thing for a child to be around (will still be on clothes/hair etc.) even if they dont see it? think I feel strongly as I remember as a child putting a cushion over my face to avoid the smoke from my dads 30 a day habit - I really do think its revolting

OP posts:
notasoutherner · 19/01/2020 17:43

Literally so bored of all the virtuous, 'my kids come first ALWAYS' stuff.

Yes of course they do, in theory.

I want to go get my nails done tomorrow. That £25 could go towards fun things for my daughter and the hour it takes I could be teaching her something or playing with her.

But I'm going to get my nails done. Doesn't mean I'm a shitty parent.

Mind your own.

PanicAndRun · 19/01/2020 17:43

Smoking costs the NHS 2 bn .Tax revenue from smoking is 12bn pounds.

Alcohol costs the NHS 3.5 bn pounds. Tax revenue from alcohol is 10.7 bn pounds.

Why does no one shout to ban alcohol?

Pompei36 · 19/01/2020 17:44

Hold on a minute , what do you mean the kids go without? If you’re a smoker that will buy cigs instead of bread , perfectly acceptable to call them selfish but many of us are not in this position.
I’m a smoker and my child don’t go without anything because I can afford to buy my cigarettes along with everything else that my child needs.
Regarding illnesses, is a luck of a draw really, my DD’s friend mum passed last year from cancer, she was the healthiest living person I’ve ever knew, very into her fitness and clean eating etc
Reference not a good habit for your kids to see-totally agree- but that doesn’t mean the kids will be smokers , my DD’s 17 and she hates the smell for example.
With this being said I believe your statement above is totally invalid and narrow minded unless is related to a particul case that you know of.

Soen · 19/01/2020 17:45

OP, you sound sanctimonious as hell. You said you were done with the thread, so.give it a rest. I'm surprised you have friends if this is how you are.

Retroflex · 19/01/2020 17:46

@CherryPavlova "I’d ban the sale of tobacco products and vaping products"
"Vile, anti social activity that costs a huge amount from the public purse."

And how do you propose the NHS is funded after that? It's a well known fact that tobacco products are heavily taxed, and that smokers (through taxation) will put into the NHS much more than they take out (incase you don't know, smokers die younger)... So what exactly do you think the public purse is paying for?

Retroflex · 19/01/2020 17:51

Exactly @PanicAndRun and there is more public spending due to alcohol than smoking, like when people are drunk, assault, police officers, NHS for A&E, court costs, legal aid bills etc etc...

And that's just for an occasional drinker...

spongejack · 19/01/2020 17:52

I hate smoking but not my business if others do it, just not in my house.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 19/01/2020 17:54

IceCreamAndCandyfloss You can say all of that about alcohol. Do you

Bamboozled, Yes I do but I know that’s rare as so many see alcohol as the norm.

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 18:00

I really dont care the things I have been called. defend smoking all you want, it's not going to alter my decision. I was interested to see others opinion on it. for the record I dont see how I am telling my friend or anyone else what to do. I said I think it's a selfish habit for many reasons. I still do. I think it's a joke the way some are defending it

OP posts:
AlexaAmbidextra · 19/01/2020 18:05

I thought OP said she was going, twice, about four pages ago. Yet here she still is. 😂

thebluearsefly · 19/01/2020 18:06

If nothing can alter your opinion then why ask the question “Am I being unreasonable?”

turnthebiglightoff · 19/01/2020 18:07

@hopex3 do you drink? Eat processed food? are you overweight? Do you have a history of heart disease in your family?

If so - my god, how selfish are you?!?!?

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 18:08

hang on Alexa I was being called out for not replying now I'm being called out for replying - make your mind up love

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 18:10

this thread has surprised me I have to say - not because people have defended smoking in relation to where kids are involved but quite how many have that opinion. not once have I told my friend what to do but she ranted tome and listed her reasons why it isnt selfish - I think it is. noone here has actually really been able to explain how it's not selfish. so why dont we flip it? how is it NOT selfish? without comparing it to other behaviours that are considered selfish or the fact its individual choice which still dont acknowledge how its not selfish. so I'm being condemned for thinking it is. I'm asking the question back. how is it not a selfish habit?

OP posts:
Soen · 19/01/2020 18:15

Hope - I think it was the dramatic flouncing when people didnt agree with you, which you got called out for.

Now you just sound like a dog with a bone.

Soen · 19/01/2020 18:16

Hope - we get it. Smoking bad. Not smoking good. In other news, water is wet.

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 18:16

no let's be fair - I've been called out this whole thread for my opinion. I'm asking the question back as like everyone keeps saying this is meant to be a debate. why is it not selfish?

OP posts:
Soen · 19/01/2020 18:18

Lots of things are selfish OP. I don't think there is such thing as a truly altruistic act.

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 18:20

riddle it all you like - I find it hard anyone could truly truly come up with a reasonable argument as to why smoking if you have children isnt selfish without screaming its the persons own right and once again, comparing it to other acts which are equally selfish

OP posts:
Greyhound22 · 19/01/2020 18:21

Fuck all to do with you.

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 18:22

how is that relevant to my question? funny how now I've asked it back people getting just as defensive as apparently I was Hmm

OP posts:
Soen · 19/01/2020 18:26

OP- to answer your question, it is selfish to smoke when you have dependents. But that doesn't give you the right to ram that opinion down others throats. There, you happy? Now quit barking at people.

PanicAndRun · 19/01/2020 18:29

It's not selfish because I'm enough of a antisocial,neurotic,paranoid,grumpy,fucked up hot mess with them.... you wouldn't want to be anywhere near me when I'm off them.Grin

Original poster
Hopex3 · 19/01/2020 18:30

lol just think its funny how everyone lost their shit at me telling me I didnt understand how a debate works when not one person actually countered my argument to say why it isnt selfish and instead insulted me the whole way through this. why you even on this thread if you're basically just gonna tell me to shut up?

OP posts:
spongejack · 19/01/2020 18:30

It depends..... she's out smoking above her child's shoes apparently? What about going out, does she do that? Is that selfish? Buying coffees out, no shoes, is that selfish? Expensive holidays, no shoes is that selfish? New clothes for her, not charity shop stuff, is that selfish?

You've picked on one aspect that you don't approve off and used that stick to beat her.