smoking

[Hopex3]

AIBU to think smoking if you have children is an incredibly selfish decision? having a debate with a friend who claims as she does it out of sight of her children it is not and she is entitled to a vice as she devotes her life to the children. from my view, it can cause illnesses, costs money that could go on other things for the family and quite frankly isnt a healthy thing for a child to be around (will still be on clothes/hair etc.) even if they dont see it? think I feel strongly as I remember as a child putting a cushion over my face to avoid the smoke from my dads 30 a day habit - I really do think its revolting

She might think some of your habits are revolting, but has the good manners not to say so. I don’t particularly like smoking, I used to toot a bit when I was a drunk teenager, but I manage to go through life without judging those that do smoke, as long as non-smokers aren’t being forced to breathe it in.
Focus on your own issues.

okay so you missed the point where I said she has children? you dont think her knowingly putting her own health at risk (cant be argued as the damaging effects of smoking are proven) is selfish? for the record I used to smoke aswell but quit when I had kids. please dont try and tell me that smoking isnt a horrible habit to have - I acknowledged it was even when I smoked myself. your missing the point aswell - not is smoking selfish in general but is it when you have children, in particular when they are young

I think you should mind your own business

@NoMorePoliticsPlease
I agree!

I really don,t like smoking but I married my oh knowing he was a smoker, he has had periods of not smoking and times when he has. 9He is not at the mo) He smoked out of the house and the kids hate it. Yes It is selfish, but we all have our flores. Best not judge or we too will be judged.

What strange logic...

Let all parents never get into a car because they are selfish and might be in a car accident.

Yes, smoking is a terrible habit but it's really not any of your business is it.

Do you drink?

I appreciate the different views but in my debate with her I'm gonna stand by that I dont think its the fairest decision when you have children - struggling to see how anyone could argue against that

genuinely astounded that people are arguing that its not a selfish choice when you have kids - they go without treats etc. because the mum spends money on fags but okay that's not selfish lol

how is being in a tragic accident the same as knowingly putting a harmful substance into your body? that's even stranger logic

Smoking is gross but lots of things cost money that could have spent on something else and cause illness. Where do you stand on drinking alcohol, being fat, cycling and other competitive sport, sunbeds, cosmetic surgery etc.

Addictions by their very nature are selfish

Not sure why you'd pick on smokers, although it's an 'easy-agree-with-me' thread, as nicotine addicts are always vilified on MN, much more than alcoholics and food addicts etc.

Ps if you’re saying the kids are going without basics to pay for fags that’s different to kids who have stuff but could have more if their parents didn’t smoke.
No one should be putting any addiction or hobby above providing their kids with food, clothes and shelter.

Are you so perfect? Perfect weight, perfect body, perfect face, perfect diet, perfect frequent exercise? Why do you feel you have any say over someone else? Why do you feel the need to judge someone else? It has nothing to do with you. So you hated smoke growing up as a child, my dad smoked and I liked the smell (no, don't smoke myself). Do you believe that everyone should think like you and a different opinion is weiong? Have you never been wrong?

Op, I think you are projecting some of your own issues at your friend. As pp said you could argue the same point with many other instances, but it's really none of your business tbh.
Leave her to it.

I stand by anything going above your kids as selfish regardless of what it may be. this is about smoking because this is the conversation I was having with my friend - I used to smoke myself before I had children so I'm not a non smoker who is bullying the poor smokers

There's nothing like a rabid and smug ex smoker.

Let her live her life her way without judging.

You’re right, but I know there’s not a parent alive who smokes who doesn’t wish they could flick a magic switch and just stop. It’s a terrible addiction and harder to quit (I’m told) than heroin. Kindness and support might be a better way to approach your friends problem.

no I'm not perfect but my kids come first- always

And using words like 'decision', 'habit' etc when you're talking about addiction, makes you sound at best naive and at worst ignorant.

Surely you sat typing away on mumsnet is selfish as you are using time that could be spent interacting with your children... seriously, pick your battles and mind your own business.

I stand by anything going above your kids as selfish regardless of what it may be

I don't understand this logic, do you mean spending money on yourself instead of your children is always selfish? Do you never buy clothes/make-up/booze?

what a strange point to say you liked the smell of smoke. doesnt make it any less bad for your health. I'm glad I started this post though it's interesting to see the different opinions even if I am quite baffled by the fact some defend children going without which is the reason I quit myself. I'm actually proud of myself for that so if that is smug so be it

Hopex3 You should then know how much smokers struggle to quit and then go into denial. It's so easy to say this shit as an ex-smoker, but when you are caught in the smoking trap the mindframe is so different.

The other posts are right - what makes you so perfect? Hows your general health? Are you a total clean eater? You could apply the same logic to other things and most of us would be guilty.

Best to stay out of other folks business

okay I give up lol literally not debating this at this point when the children going without is not selfish. crazy

You do realise that not everyone has the same finances.

If your children had to go without if you smoker it means your disposable income isn't great.
Other people can afford to smoke and spend money on their children.