smoking

[Hopex3]

AIBU to think smoking if you have children is an incredibly selfish decision? having a debate with a friend who claims as she does it out of sight of her children it is not and she is entitled to a vice as she devotes her life to the children. from my view, it can cause illnesses, costs money that could go on other things for the family and quite frankly isnt a healthy thing for a child to be around (will still be on clothes/hair etc.) even if they dont see it? think I feel strongly as I remember as a child putting a cushion over my face to avoid the smoke from my dads 30 a day habit - I really do think its revolting

I dont agree with smoking when YOU make the choice to have children. the children dont ask to be born do they? so am I gonna make sure I put my own needs and wants aside for the sake of them your damn straight. do I think my friend is selfish for putting her smoking first too right. Haha no I quit a while ago

I'm pregnant and gave up smoking when I found out. I will continue to not smoke. However, you sound really rude and basing a lot of what you are saying on assumptions.

I think it's great you've had this debate with your friend now, she has finally got her excuse to tell you to piss off.

Friends should never judge each other.

she devotes her life to the children you haven't said this is untrue, so if her children are loved and looked after why are you trying to start an argument with her?
for the record I used to smoke aswell but quit nothing worse than an ex smoker claiming the moral high ground...
think I feel strongly as I remember as a child putting a cushion over my face to avoid the smoke from my dads 30 a day habit her children aren't you, and you obviously didn't find it too revolting, as you yourself became a smoker... Don't see the relevance to this situation either, as you've already said she doesn't smoke in front of the children...
costs money that could go on other things for the family not your money, not your business...
okay so you missed the point where I said she has children? as the first line of your response to someone commenting? No, I don't think they missed the 'point' at all, they just don't see it like you do...
my debate with her I'm gonna stand by that I dont think its the fairest decision when you have children so basically you're going to "bully" your "friend"?
genuinely astounded that people are arguing that its not a selfish choice when you have kids - they go without treats etc. because the mum spends money on fags but okay that's not selfish lol and now you're drop feeding into the thread that the children are "missing out/going without" yep, I'm sure that's the case, anyway, do you know that childhood obesity is a major problem at the moment because of too many "treats"?

That's only your first three comments @hopex3 and you're sounding like an awful "friend", very judgemental, and an argumentative bully... Seriously, get help...

Vilanelle - did you quit for the sake of your child? you've kind of just supported my point probably without meaning to

Retroflex - you have also just helped one of my points probably without meaning to. 'you obviously didnt find it too revolting as you yourself became a smoker' yes I did - not a good thing though is it, and certainly wasnt helped by the fact I had parents who smoked. why am I a bully because I dont agree with people who do agree with it? you're all allowed to flame me for my opinion but I'm a bully for having mine? makes sense

People often with stressful lives etc seem to smoke but have a drink instead

Oh,the irony .

smoking is terrible for your health, it costs ludicrous amounts of money, children do get affected by it IN MY OPINION if that's bloody okay to have on my own thread lol

If you're saying parents shouldn't smoke, then YABU. If you're saying nobody should spend money on fags before paying their bills and other essential costs, then YANBU. I'm honestly not sure if you're concerned about the financial impact of smoking on children, or the health impact. Either way, unless they're your children, is it your business?

I think you should mind your own business. Your post is very goady and it sounds like you're looking for an argument, along with behaving like a pouting child when people don't agree with your opinion.

Selfish? Maybe, but aren't we all allowed to be selfish sometimes. I like a game of online bingo, shall I stop so I can spend the £10 a month I spend on my DC, with all other disposable income they get spent on them?

I used to smoke, I smoked when DC were small and I smoked outside of the family home. They NEVER ever went without.

YABU for drip feeding too.

You seem to be getting over wrought about it OP.
It's nothing to do with you what other parents are legally doing.
You would be better to bang your drum about a much worthier cause.

Yes you can have YOUR OWN OPINION. Other people are entitled to theirs too.

hardly drip feeding, I wouldn't of thought I'd have to explain so much why I think smoking is less then ideal if you have children but there you go. if it helps I didnt start this debate either, she was ranting and raving about how smokers are frowned upon if they have kids and saying how it's her right which fine that's true, it is. does not mean I cant think it's a selfish habit because I do regardless of how much shit I have got on here for thinking that

and I'm not gonna try and ease my friends conscience by lying and saying it's okay, its your right, it doesn't affect your kids because I dont believe that. If that makes me a bully, a bad friend and whatever else I've been called then fine but I'm not gonna lie and pretend I think it's great when I dont

@aspoonfulofyourownmedicine buzzbingo does free games
There. Now you can spend that tenner on your children

Hopex3 of course it’s okay for you to have your own opinion on your thread. Remember though you put your opinion out there and it’s perfectly fine for others to voice theirs on your thread. That’s how these forums work.

well its clearly not okay lol because I've been told I'm a bully for standing by my opinion

people use these threads as an opportunity to absolutely flame the original posters, happens on majority on here so trust me I'm not bothered about how you judge me from this.
NOPE, I've never in all my time on Mumsnet read 3 comments from the OP and found so much venom!

I've definitley not been the bitchy one here
Oh yes, you really have been!

I thought I'd made it clear, that with the attitude of "my debate with her I'm gonna stand by that I dont think its the fairest decision when you have children" you were bullying her, because you're not prepared to accept its none of your business, you're obviously not going to let it go, and you're never going to accept your "friends" I don't know how you can even call yourself that when you're not decisions without not only judging her, but trying to publicly shame her, that's bullying sweetheart...

Retroflex I cannot even be bothered to acknowledge the hypocrisy of your post 'sweetheart'

Does your friend actually want her 'conscience eased' or was she she just having a freestyle rant about judgemental @rseholes?

well its clearly not okay lol because I've been told I'm a bully for standing by my opinion

Your opinion doesn't make you a bully. Your delivery of it does.

BamboozledandBefuddled why would she ask me what I thought on it? she knows I dont agree with smoking so I probably wasnt the best person to rant about it to. and like I said am I a bad friend because I wont lie and say I dont think it's not selfish? I dont think so somehow, you must all have seriously delicate friendships if you think someone disagreeing with you makes you a bully. she is no shrinking violet and knows exactly my stance on smoking so she knew full well I would have an opinion on it

Why are you friends with someone selfish and that is neglecting her children?

I totally get that it's something you feel passionately about @Hopex3, but there are ways to talk to someone...

Being argumentative and having a superiority complex, usually result in people becoming defensive...

You could suggest that there are proven hazards involved with smoking around babies, with a link to cot death even when you have been smoking outside, just by coming in and lifting your baby straight away...

You could say that in order to have any assistance with fertility on the NHS both partners must be non smokers, for a set period of time before beginning, and this is checked at the hospital...

You could even say people who smoke are automatically banned from being Foster caring, or adopting children...

But instead you chose to publicly attack your friend...

AllergicToAMop this doesnt make any sense. how would you know how I delivered it to my friend she was ranting about it, I said and I quote 'to be fair i can understand why it gets judged' and she listed all her reasons why it's not selfish and for defensive. I then said all the reasons I think it is. dont rant about it or edge for a response if you know the person your ranting to doesnt agree with it - not a bully in the slightest. that is quite a horrible word to paint someone with when you dont know them just because they have an opinion on smoking

@Hopex3 there's no hypocrisy in my post though? do you know what the word means?