smoking

[Hopex3]

AIBU to think smoking if you have children is an incredibly selfish decision? having a debate with a friend who claims as she does it out of sight of her children it is not and she is entitled to a vice as she devotes her life to the children. from my view, it can cause illnesses, costs money that could go on other things for the family and quite frankly isnt a healthy thing for a child to be around (will still be on clothes/hair etc.) even if they dont see it? think I feel strongly as I remember as a child putting a cushion over my face to avoid the smoke from my dads 30 a day habit - I really do think its revolting

My ex has taken up smoking now he is with his smoking fiance he screamed down the phone at me he cant afford to do anything with his children because he couldnt afford it....he is still fucking smoking

I didnt think everyone would agree with me - are you actually joking, most of the threads on here tear the original poster a new one

Hopex3 aww, poor you. Can you not handle people disagreeing with you?

I smoke as does my partner, our kids don’t go without. One has extra health needs and is fine, we smoke outside and no our house doesn’t stink, if it did I’m sure the social services or multiple nurses that come round would have something to say given the extra needs our younger child has. Funny enough, we can smoke without being selfish or affecting our kids health. Crazy right? We don’t drink or go out or drive so really smoking is our one vice.

slipperywhensparticus - this is exactly what I mean and the point I was trying to make, when people put it before the kids but I've been flamed here for thinking that

Cheesespreading - good for you, this post wasnt about you

If a parent - so mother or father - prioritises their fags / booze / gambling etc over their kids needs that's wrong

However, if it's just kids' wants, then parents can choose to use their share of the discretionary spend for fags etc

Cheesespreading Erm yes it is. You are saying all smokers are selfish. Just because you want to keep changing the goal posts doesn’t mean your first post and reason for posting isn’t about people like myself. I smoke therefore I’m selfish and my kids have less than they could, in your opinion.

Oops, I highlighted my own name instead of your post.

okay but that's your situation? where you can afford it and the health side isnt a major issue to you which is fine. I'm entitled to the way I think just as much as you all are?

OP you keep changing the goal posts of the debate though - people can spend their disposable income on what they want. Just because it isn't what you would do, it doesn't make it wrong - are you telling me you never ever treat yourself to anything?

I have stood by my original point the whole way through. I think it is selfish to put smoking above your kids

Agree with you OP, smoking is rank.

and I do think smoking is selfish and as a pp said quite irresponsible when you have dependants. I dont personally think its compatible to beauty products unless you're talking about the financial side in which case yes I do think its selfish putting your needs and wants over your children's in ant sense

I agree op. If you have kids, give it up.

But you are , you said all smokers deprive their kids of treats/essentials. When you had examples that they don't you said "oh but this isn't about you".

When you make shit generalisations like that ofc people will explain why they don't apply to them.

Ok. Great. So actually you just don't like smoking. Good to know.
I actually think having multiple children is selfish if you look at climate etc. I know others don't think so, so I don't start a thread stating so and getting arsey because people don't agree with me. I also know my opinion is not the only way to think, and I'm not going to change it so it would be redundant stating it on a forum that expressly asks if I'm being reasonable or not.

So in essence, what I'm trying to say is you aren't wrong in your opinion but it's just that, an opinion. Perhaps keep to yourself if you don't want it challenged.

Have you JUST stopped smoking? I was this pissy when I did The insomnia and nausea did me in.

As an older sibling I think having more than 1 child is selfish. All that money going to the second offspring could have been spend on the first born.

Just not smoking doesn't make someone a good parent. Just smoking doesn't make someone a shit parent.

Not smoking doesn't make you a better parent than someone who smokes.

My mum never smoked and completely abhors smoking, she was still a shit mum. My paternal grandfather smoked and he was equally a shit parent and grandfather.

OP a.i.b.u
Yes
OP no I'm not.

OP, it genuinely has nothing to do with you.
We all have bugbears about something.
Save your breath for something worth getting excited about.

I know someone who bought a can of special brew rather than buy a loaf for the kids breakfast. Does this mean every parent that drinks is selfish?

I don't think parents (who have children at home) should smoke, tbh. There's the health aspect - the third-hand smoke on their hair/skin/clothes/possessions and the vastly increased risk of severe health conditions which may see the children coping with ill parents/bereavement much earlier than would otherwise have been the case - and the role model aspect; at some point the children are going to see them smoking, even if they're certain they 'never smoke around the children'.

I agree with you OP. Also can't understand it when a parent is pushing a buggie with one had and a cigarette in the other!!

Yes I find it disgusting. Both me and my husband do. It is extremely selfish and low brow behaviour. Second hand smoke is still just as bad. People often with stressful lives etc seem to smoke but have a drink instead, at least it’s not affecting your kids health.

(And I have three children and I take a PP's point about the third having been perhaps unwise in the current climate emergency. I'm making no claim to be a 'better' parent than anyone else. I'm certain I do things that have a less-than-ideal impact on my children. That doesn't mean I can't see the less-than-ideal impact of smoking).