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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overheard comments about weight.

223 replies

Ao92 · 18/01/2020 12:45

Hi everyone, I’ll keep this brief as I’m still in the moment and looking for quick opinions. A very long story short I suffer badly with anxiety and depression, no sob stories but I have barely left the house in 12 years. I bought a dog 6 months ago and when I did I vowed to him every single that I’d him. Up until now that has always been in places where other people don’t really go. Or at night in the dark. Until today. Now another important thing to note is that I’m very overweight, mainly due to no exercise and comfort eating but also because of side effects of medication (which I’ve now been weaned off so have actually lost a stone in a month woo). So today I decided to sod it, I’m taking him to the beach. It’s Saturday, the sun is shining and I underestimated how busy it’d be. But anyway, did the walk and was fine and lived. I was just about to get back into the car when I heard somebody say “Jesus Christ she’s huge”, I turned around and a family of 3, with a daughter around aged about 20, then continued to say “you wouldn’t let yourself go that far would you”. They all laughed and continued walking but the daughter turned around and saw that I had heard and then laughed again and whispered something to her mum. This happened about half an hour ago. I was in too much shock, and crying, to say anything so I began to drive home but pulled in and decided to write them a note just stating that kindness cost nothing and you don’t know the damage your words can do. I’ve driven back to the beach and their car is still here. Should I put the note on the windscreen or not? Thank you.

OP posts:
BlouseAndSkirt · 18/01/2020 22:43

Agreed Chsnge
“Shockingly poor parenting there.
You have essentially told your son to be even nastier than the child in question and drag another person in to (his mother, we have no idea what she’s like) it by calling her ugly”

Not to mention endorsing the idea that insulting people’s appearance and physical qualities is a valid thing to do. What an own goal.

anotherday4 · 18/01/2020 22:48

People can be fucking cruel! What a lovely young lady they have brought up.... not !

CoffeeBeansGalore · 18/01/2020 22:56

I read a quote somewhere "Always be the person your dog loves you for being". You have made an active choice to improve your life and wellbeing. Enjoy your beach walks in the sun & watch your pooch have fun with you. Stuff anyone else who is shallow, superficial & just dowright rude.

Ohyesiam · 18/01/2020 23:05

You sound lovely op. I hope you get out and about more, the world needs more people like you in it

Maverick66 · 18/01/2020 23:06

I would have left a note it would read....
You are a shower of shites!
It is a long road with no turn.

incognitomum · 18/01/2020 23:08

What a lovely update that made me smile 😊🐕

Keep posting on your progress.

lisag1969 · 19/01/2020 00:01

Sending lots of love and hugs 🤗

Littlebb2020 · 19/01/2020 00:04

Pick your dogs crap up and smear it on their window fuck the note!
Arseholes!

Whoops75 · 19/01/2020 00:05

They are toxic people, you owe them nothing.

You are worth so much more then them do hold your head high and enjoy the seaside x

Newmumatlast · 19/01/2020 00:09

One of the best things I ever read as a child which I've carried with me to adulthood was by Roald Dahl in The Twits:

"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely".

Just remember that. You can always lose the weight - and if you can't so what. However they have ugly souls if they are happy to laugh and joke about you in that way. Let it wash off of you like water off a ducks back. You've done amazingly losing a stone and you got out with your lovely dog. Don't let them spoil it.

I hope you left the note.

Bellabluea · 19/01/2020 00:13

I hate people sometimes. You know it says more about them than you.
I remember about 10 years ago I was walking in town on a night out and some bloke looked at me and pointed and said ‘Jesus look at her nose’ and they both laughed.
Now, my nose isn’t particularly weird and I have pretty high self esteem but I still remember being knocked by it. It struck me that some people - for whatever reason - choose to upset others and I just can’t understand or relate to it at all.

So you go out and hold your head up high, occupy your space because you are more than entitled to do so.

Sally872 · 19/01/2020 11:36

Great update, glad you are feeling better. Well done x

Fluffycloudland77 · 19/01/2020 13:13

It’s a lovely sunny day today I hope you’ve taken the dog somewhere nice. It’s a great day for being a dog owner.

I was bullied all through for senior school for being fat, then I lost it all & now I get comments for being slim which tells me you can’t win with people.

MaisWeee · 19/01/2020 13:32

Go to the beach again today OP. Your doggy will love it and it's great for you too!

tiredtrumpet · 19/01/2020 13:52

Op I hope you left the note.

It's so easy to say ignore them but it hurts doesn't it, it's that simple.

I nearly didn't take my son swimming this morning. The thought of being in a swimming costume with loads of other people knocked me sick. I sat there miming and ahhhing and my sons face when he saw I wasn't ready.... I pulled my shit together and went.

No one said anything, but they looked.

I just focused on my son, and tried to block it out. I forgot it after a while.

Focus on your dog, go out for the wee fella and keep your energy focused on your dog, the sea, the waves, the fresh air. You haven't bled yourself go at all, in fact you took a huge step today going to the beach, that's progress! Well done! Thanks

FredaFrogspawn · 19/01/2020 19:54

I’d be proud to have another daughter with your resilience. Onwards and upwards.

incognitomum · 19/01/2020 20:19

Did you manage to get out again OP?

justthecat · 19/01/2020 20:31

I think their words show their insecurities in their lives.
You’ll always be a better, kinder, wiser person than any of them.
Get back out there and walk your dog 💐

Fanniesyeraunt · 19/01/2020 20:32

Ao92 just another one here wanting to say well done for your achievements so far and please please please don’t let those truly horrid people stop you in any way. Most people really wouldn’t ever dream of behaving that way and it’s so unfortunate you had to encounter those gobshites on your first trip to the beach.

The Roald Dahl ‘sunbeam’ quote is one of my favourites too and I have it framed on my kitchen wall. It’s also something I try really hard to I still in my kids. When someone says something unkind at school I always say “don’t insult them back, just feel sorry for them as they are obviously a bit sad inside to feel the need to say nasty things to others”.

I really hope you continue walking your dog on the beach with your head held high.

Gormless · 19/01/2020 20:34

OP just stopping by to say I am in awe of the steps you are taking to get out of the house. What a good idea to get some canine company for the journey, and I bet he loved the beach. You really are doing brilliantly: please keep at it. I am genuinely inspired by you.

1Wildheartsease · 21/01/2020 12:22

Hoping that your dog is still enjoying those walks :)

Remember how good you look to him - and that he knows you best.

Keep ignoring the foolish attention of strangers. (People are often curious rather than disapproving. )

toomanypillows · 21/01/2020 12:59

Hi OP. I know you're updated and not left the note, but I just wanted to ad that I think that all of the things you are doing are fantastic, and your personality absolutely shines through in how you write.
If you need or want to lose weight, then you are clearly taking control of that, and I think that's truly inspirational.
I do try and think the best of people, and all I can apply in this situation is that some people don't understand how hard it can be to muster up enough courage to do something that they do every day. it's the embodiment of privilege. That said, even if they don't understand, they were bloody horrible. But just imagine being like that. I always think people like this must live with a constant headache of all the negativity weighing their brains down.

I just wanted to add my support to you, and to wish you millions of fabulous walks with your lucky dog!

EmeraldShamrock · 21/01/2020 13:18

I never understand why people feel.the need to comment on another. To do it loudly is arrogant and disgusting.
Enjoy your life shake that ass screw them.

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