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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overheard comments about weight.

223 replies

Ao92 · 18/01/2020 12:45

Hi everyone, I’ll keep this brief as I’m still in the moment and looking for quick opinions. A very long story short I suffer badly with anxiety and depression, no sob stories but I have barely left the house in 12 years. I bought a dog 6 months ago and when I did I vowed to him every single that I’d him. Up until now that has always been in places where other people don’t really go. Or at night in the dark. Until today. Now another important thing to note is that I’m very overweight, mainly due to no exercise and comfort eating but also because of side effects of medication (which I’ve now been weaned off so have actually lost a stone in a month woo). So today I decided to sod it, I’m taking him to the beach. It’s Saturday, the sun is shining and I underestimated how busy it’d be. But anyway, did the walk and was fine and lived. I was just about to get back into the car when I heard somebody say “Jesus Christ she’s huge”, I turned around and a family of 3, with a daughter around aged about 20, then continued to say “you wouldn’t let yourself go that far would you”. They all laughed and continued walking but the daughter turned around and saw that I had heard and then laughed again and whispered something to her mum. This happened about half an hour ago. I was in too much shock, and crying, to say anything so I began to drive home but pulled in and decided to write them a note just stating that kindness cost nothing and you don’t know the damage your words can do. I’ve driven back to the beach and their car is still here. Should I put the note on the windscreen or not? Thank you.

OP posts:
Forcryingoutloudwtf · 18/01/2020 16:50

I'd rather be fat than an absolute bitch so don't feel ashamed. Feel happy that you are you you rather than her.

willothewispa · 18/01/2020 16:50

You can diet and lose weight to be thinner but they will always be horrible people.

lowlandLucky · 18/01/2020 16:53

Im my head i would take a photo of their car with number plate showing and post it on SM telling the world what vile people they are. In the RW i would leave the note

Straycatstrut · 18/01/2020 17:05

Well I know who I'd rather be friends with OP. I've had similar comments for what feels like forever due to being alternative (quite gothy but not overkill - black hair/eyeliner/black clothes/corset ribbons) I get "OMG is it Halloween already?!", "Ooooooo put a spell on me!!", "Where's the rest of the Adams family?" or just the classic favourite of "Ewww", "ughhh", or just laughing. I wear what I feel comfortable in, I LOVE the style so I'm not changing. Just a lot of people can't accept it for some reason.

I suffer the same as you too, but as I have no car and am forced to walk everywhere (very steep hilly area) that's how I keep my weight down, however it's still crept up a lot due to my red wine & snacking habit on the evening! I'm doing "Dry February" and healthy meals with myself Grin... see if it makes me feel better.

I also got a dog around 6 months ago as a pup and I walk her early mornings. It's difficult because she's a gorgeous puppy (springer with long fluffy ears) and gets a lot of attention - which means the dog owners want to ask me about her. It's baby steps though and when I get home I'm so pleased with myself.

Ignore those people. They won't get far in life with an attitude like that. They'll end up sad and lonely.

PlanDeRaccordement · 18/01/2020 17:06

Sorry that happened to you OP. Almost your worst fear and it happened. People can be cruel bitches.

But on bright side, you dog loves the walk you took to the beach. Plus the chances of that happening again are slim. So I would just go back with the dog and make that beach yours.

NellieEllie · 18/01/2020 17:08

I actually would leave the note so I hope you did. It may just make them think a bit. I do think some people are just cruel sometimes because they just don’t think, don’t realise that a split seconds joke to them can cause such distress and pain.
Well done you for getting out. Please don’t let it put you off. There will always be morons, but you need to concentrate on your recovery, and getting out in fresh air with your dog (who will always be on your side) will help. Xx

katkit · 18/01/2020 17:13

Yes, leave the note. If someone chucks some shit at you, Chuck it straight back. I used to get comments every now and then. Once, I walked past a trio of lads, and one said ‘fat arse.’ I wAlked about ten paces, then stormed back and gave them a piece of my mind. I felt fine afterwards, whereas the comments I’ve swallowed down without a fight hurt for ages.

I hope you left the note, and if it happens again, give their crap right back to them. I lost the weight and you will too xx

goldenthreads · 18/01/2020 17:17

Disgusting behaviour. I have a dd and would never encourage her to be so mean.
Try to remind yourself op even though you're hurt it's normally people's own insecurities that lead them to be this mean.

Well done on losing the stone carry on going out but maybe wear a big fuck your T-shirt under your coat ready to bring out like superman anytime a ride fucker approaches.

goldenthreads · 18/01/2020 17:18

Fuck you tshirt* Grin

Skysblue · 18/01/2020 17:21

Hope you’re ok OP. Sorry these guys spoiled your beach trip. Some people are just horrible. I got sneered at and laughed at once for a rip in my jean leg when I popped into a supermarket (I was in the middle of a house move and wearing old clothes!)

They’ll always be horrible to those around them, it had little to do with your weight, if you were slimmer they’d probably havesaid something nasty about your shoes or hair or whatever.

mumwon · 18/01/2020 17:21

one day this young twit will be judged for how she looks & because faces show your nature over time imagine how she is going to look - forget her she's not worth remembering - I reckon if peoples can only be nasty there is something missing in their lives & in the case of her family - well apples & trees - pity you weren't walking a larger dog - you could have yelled watch out I am having difficulty holding on to him - he gets a bit protective of me (whilst hissing "sic 'em boy!")

Mollychristmas · 18/01/2020 17:31

When people are mean it’s because they have something deep inside them they feel horrible about so they reflect that onto others.

That family behaved in a horribly mean way but there will be something inside each of them that they feel sad/embarrassed/troubled about and they have to live with that everyday whereas you can carry on with your head held high feeling terribly sorry for them and that they have to live with those rotten feelings everyday.

Please don’t let their issues stop you from enjoying your day and doing whatever makes you happy. You deserve to spend time in whatever way you want. Flowers

PrincessHoneysuckle · 18/01/2020 17:33

I would have left a very blunt note and keyed their car

Fredastaireatemyjamsandwich · 18/01/2020 17:34

Let 2 of their tyres down. Not criminal damage. Much better to scratching it.

Minky35 · 18/01/2020 17:37

Well done in getting out, and I’m very sorry you came across the village arseholes. Please believe not everyone is this awful and please try not to let this put you off going out in future. Going to put a very unmumsnetty X for you too as I feel so bad for you ... X

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 18/01/2020 17:39

And put sand under their wipers. Cunts.

lisag1969 · 18/01/2020 17:42

Take no notice fucking idiots.
My son came out of school one day crying saying someone kept calling me fat.
I told him when he says it tomorrow tell him if my mum wants to lose weight she can, your mum will always be ugly and there's nothing she can do about it.
He never said it to him again.
If anyone says anything to you again just say and your ugly. If people be nasty be nasty back. Take no notice your obviously a lot nicer than them. X

FreedomfromPE · 18/01/2020 17:48

I hope you're over it. They are certainly "little" people. Carry on enjoying your dog and lovely walks. Let's hope they got sand in their knickers all day.

BrendasUmbrella · 18/01/2020 17:51

I think you should have left them a note calling them vile air-stealing arseholes. It would have hit home a lot better than "it's nice to be nice". But if it made you feel better that's what counts.

Lolacherrycola78 · 18/01/2020 17:51

What a bunch of bastards!
Well done you for getting out, don't let ignorant people stop you xx

williams345 · 18/01/2020 17:51

You should of let there tyres down while you were there

Ao92 · 18/01/2020 18:07

Wow, everyone, thank you so much. I wasn’t expecting such a warm and amazing response. I have cried more (happy tears) over all of your lovely comments than the tears I wasted on her comments. I won’t lie and say they didn’t hurt - they did and I’m sure they will play on my mind for a long time but I already knew I was fat, I already knew other people knew I was fat. What I didn’t know was how kind people can truly be and that has been proven today through all of your comments. I can’t thank you enough and without them I’m not sure how I would’ve dealt with today (or ever left the house again after it).

I didn’t leave the note in the end because writing down what I wanted to say was enough. The longer I sat in the car thinking about why it hurt me the more I realised they shouldn’t need to know my past to be kinder.

This was my first post here and I don’t actually have children but the first person I wanted to talk to when it happened was my mum so decided to post here in desperate search of “mum advice” and I’m so glad I did. I’m honestly blown away by how kind you have all been and I wish I could show you how much that’s meant to me today.

I have screenshot each comment and I’m going to keep them as a reminder for the dark days and even on the better days I will be reading them before trying to leave the house. Thank you all so much and please know that each and every single one of your comments are responsible for me walking my dog again tomorrow. I really can’t thank you all enough for that.

OP posts:
Parsley65 · 18/01/2020 18:16

Welcome Ao92 and well done for your strength today.

Please go back to the beach** again, smile at everyone you meet and hold your head high.

I hope you'll join us again on MN and that we can help you on your journey through life, and all its ups & downs Thanks

GeraldineFangedVagine · 18/01/2020 18:18

Leave the note and get the dog to do a poo on the windscreen, you are losing weight it’s unlikely they will stop being a big bunch of shitheads. Well done OP for really trying xx

nicslackey · 18/01/2020 18:20

You have lost a stone? I am soo jealous. Go you!!