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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overheard comments about weight.

223 replies

Ao92 · 18/01/2020 12:45

Hi everyone, I’ll keep this brief as I’m still in the moment and looking for quick opinions. A very long story short I suffer badly with anxiety and depression, no sob stories but I have barely left the house in 12 years. I bought a dog 6 months ago and when I did I vowed to him every single that I’d him. Up until now that has always been in places where other people don’t really go. Or at night in the dark. Until today. Now another important thing to note is that I’m very overweight, mainly due to no exercise and comfort eating but also because of side effects of medication (which I’ve now been weaned off so have actually lost a stone in a month woo). So today I decided to sod it, I’m taking him to the beach. It’s Saturday, the sun is shining and I underestimated how busy it’d be. But anyway, did the walk and was fine and lived. I was just about to get back into the car when I heard somebody say “Jesus Christ she’s huge”, I turned around and a family of 3, with a daughter around aged about 20, then continued to say “you wouldn’t let yourself go that far would you”. They all laughed and continued walking but the daughter turned around and saw that I had heard and then laughed again and whispered something to her mum. This happened about half an hour ago. I was in too much shock, and crying, to say anything so I began to drive home but pulled in and decided to write them a note just stating that kindness cost nothing and you don’t know the damage your words can do. I’ve driven back to the beach and their car is still here. Should I put the note on the windscreen or not? Thank you.

OP posts:
T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 18/01/2020 15:38

Please don’t stop walking your dog in busy places, OP. I’ve made some great friends through walking my dogs and not once have I thought about their size, colour, background or anything like that. Most people don’t actually care what other people look like, when out with their dogs and appreciate making new friends. If you walk regularly in the same areas you’ll get to know others by site and eventually get to know other people. Dogs are awesome for starting conversations with strangers. I think you’re bloody amazing.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 18/01/2020 15:39

Site = sight

PlomBear · 18/01/2020 15:43

People are dick heads.

If you were on the beach with your dog, I would probably smile at you, it would never cross my mind to make a mean comment about your weight.

Two teenage girls in a supermarket whispered about the size of my bum once. I’m a size 12 so not fat - people just make up nasty things to say. No idea why, weirdos.

Omashu · 18/01/2020 15:46

You can lose weight but they will always be twats and they will get their comeuppance!

mcmooberry · 18/01/2020 15:58

Bloody hell that family sound awful and to laugh after they realised you had heard them......strewth. Yes leave the note although doubt they will care if they didn't care about being overheard. My children have been taught since they could talk to never, ever, EVER, make any comment about anyone's weight or appearance and, ideally, not to even think it either.
Well done for losing the stone and well done for getting out, bet your dog had a blast at the beach, here's to many more wintery walks!

FedUpMum40 · 18/01/2020 16:00

I couldn't imagine doing that with my daughter, I would flip if I ever found my daughter behaving like this to someone, just remember you can loose Weight, they can't change their nasty minds, you carry on walking your dog, already lost a stone that's awesome go you!!

lilgreen · 18/01/2020 16:00

Yes, leave the note. Horrible people.

CrazyToast · 18/01/2020 16:01

You sound great OP! Those people are fools, nasty fools. How awful to be then. I'd have been gutted too though, cos I am also super sensistive about my weight, gained through illness and medication.

Let yourself feel crap for an evening, fine. But you will pick yourself back up quickly, I can tell by the tone and content of your post, you're tough!

Leave the note. Wankers.

lilgreen · 18/01/2020 16:01

You might be slimmer in the future but they will still be cruel. Add that to your note.

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/01/2020 16:07

What a bitch. I hope she gets fat.

Don’t let it put you off. Do it for the dog, I bet he loved the beach.

BlouseAndSkirt · 18/01/2020 16:16

OP, you are a She-ro.

Well done for getting out and enjoying a walk.

Re-write their script in your head and mentally say it back to them:

“Jesus Christ she’s rude”, I turned around and a family of 3, with a daughter around aged about 20, then continued to say “you wouldn’t let yourself get that obnoxious, would you”.

I am so sorry that you have to encounter toss pots like this.

And I am sorry about your anxiety.

You can see how much suport there is for you on this thread - maybe there is a nearby MN-er who would love to have company on a dog walk along a beach - I would, if I had a dog and lived near a beach!

About the note?

I don't know.

I think you should make this walk a regular thing, and it might not help to start a war with other regulars, if that is what they are.

I would take this thread as your affirmation, and move on with your head held high.

Coughy4u · 18/01/2020 16:19

Have you done it op?

TheMarzipanDildo · 18/01/2020 16:23

Shock Shock who says shit like that?

Changeembrace · 18/01/2020 16:25

No point, literally no point on the note

Why? Someone as cruel and thoughtless as this is not going to give a flying fig. They will laugh about it.

The key, the a absolute key, is for you to not allow them to stop you making progress. Otherwise their cruelty will win

Servalan · 18/01/2020 16:27

I'm so sorry OP

You are a powerful person. You got out of the door and put yourself out there and deserve to feel proud of yourself.

There will always be people so absorbed in their own narrow worlds that they do not have the empathy to put themselves in the shoes of others. How petty must someone be to make those comments. How lacking in imagination and ability to see the good in the world.

Please do not let the words of these ignorant people stop you from taking the amazing steps you're taking - Looking after your dog and yourself (it doesn't have to be in that order - you are worthy of love and care). Getting fresh air and exercise. Facing the world. These are things that will improve your quality of life and the ability to do those things is your right.

BlueMoon1103 · 18/01/2020 16:29

I’d leave the note with a bag of dog shit courtesy of your furry friend. Nasty people!

Freshstart40 · 18/01/2020 16:29

Oh OP that's terribly cruel and RUDE of them. Shame on THEM. Not on you. Please please don't let them put you off going out. Leave the note if it makes you feel better but trust they are bitter and not happy themselves to behave that way.

Coughy4u · 18/01/2020 16:30

Leaving the note is more for the op than for them.

Changeembrace · 18/01/2020 16:30

* I’d leave the note with a bag of dog shit courtesy of your furry friend. Nasty people!*

Please don’t do this.

Topseyt · 18/01/2020 16:34

What a bunch of shallow wankers. I would leave the note. They might read it or they might not, but leave it anyway.

Very well done for getting out to the beach with your lovely dog. It was a lovely day for doing that sort of thing, if just a bit cold. You keep going and getting out and about. Take no notice of people like this. Hopefully you won't come across too many of them.

I loved walking my dog, and I am overweight too. Dog sadly died last November but I loved the people I used to meet on our walks and very rarely did I come across any negative comments. I can honestly say that even now I barely even register someone's size.

You are doing so well. Keep it up.

Fruitbatdancer · 18/01/2020 16:37

Check for CCTV and the key their car. Make sure from back seat to rear incase of dash cam.
Absolute fuckers.
Disclaimer : I have not done this.

Coughy4u · 18/01/2020 16:39

Criminal damage in retaliation is a fucked up idea. Terrible advice.

blubelle7 · 18/01/2020 16:43

This is exactly why shaming people for their weight doesn't help or achieve anything. Yet a significant portion of the population seem to use excuses like

  1. I'm worried about your health
  2. It's tough love
  3. It will motivate them to lose weight

No it's just an excuse to bully and put down others to make yourself feel good.

I hope you left the note OP. Dont give those idiots a second thought.

NumbersStation · 18/01/2020 16:46

I would leave the note. I like to call out arsehole behaviour now although I have known what it feels like to be crushed by comments.

But for what it is worth dear OP you are doing grand. Don’t let them stop you doing what you do.

When I had my girl we were out at all times and in all weathers. The dog walkers did not care that I’m fat and ugly. They just enjoyed another dog person in their midst.

Do not let these nasty people spoil what could become the loveliest parts of your day. Flowers

PlomBear · 18/01/2020 16:49

I would be mortified if my child said something like that. Hopefully I’m raising him to be empathetic. We don’t comment and smirk at people. So what if someone is overweight? Or really slim? We don’t comment on it.