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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overheard comments about weight.

223 replies

Ao92 · 18/01/2020 12:45

Hi everyone, I’ll keep this brief as I’m still in the moment and looking for quick opinions. A very long story short I suffer badly with anxiety and depression, no sob stories but I have barely left the house in 12 years. I bought a dog 6 months ago and when I did I vowed to him every single that I’d him. Up until now that has always been in places where other people don’t really go. Or at night in the dark. Until today. Now another important thing to note is that I’m very overweight, mainly due to no exercise and comfort eating but also because of side effects of medication (which I’ve now been weaned off so have actually lost a stone in a month woo). So today I decided to sod it, I’m taking him to the beach. It’s Saturday, the sun is shining and I underestimated how busy it’d be. But anyway, did the walk and was fine and lived. I was just about to get back into the car when I heard somebody say “Jesus Christ she’s huge”, I turned around and a family of 3, with a daughter around aged about 20, then continued to say “you wouldn’t let yourself go that far would you”. They all laughed and continued walking but the daughter turned around and saw that I had heard and then laughed again and whispered something to her mum. This happened about half an hour ago. I was in too much shock, and crying, to say anything so I began to drive home but pulled in and decided to write them a note just stating that kindness cost nothing and you don’t know the damage your words can do. I’ve driven back to the beach and their car is still here. Should I put the note on the windscreen or not? Thank you.

OP posts:
Daisy7654 · 18/01/2020 14:50

Leave the note and write out link to this thread. They are arseholes.

z2020 · 18/01/2020 14:51

This says far more about them than it does about you - they don't show themselves in a good light at all. In fact I pity their small mindedness.

Something similar happened to me a few years ago and it really upset me at a time when I was at my lowest.

Why can't people just be kind, or shut up.

messolini9 · 18/01/2020 14:51

Leave the note and write out link to this thread. They are arseholes.

That is brilliant @daisypond!

AuditAngel · 18/01/2020 14:53

Good manner#ps cost nothing. I am overweight. When DD2 was about 5 we regularly saw a very large lady at swimming. We were there for lessons, so same tim3 each week. One day DD2 asked me “mummy why is that lady so fat?” I was mortified, and Replied that we shouldn’t make personal comments about people. the lady replied that it was a valid question as she was fat (made me even more mortified).

But there is a world of difference in a small child asking a (somewhat ) rude question in a straightforward way and an adult being plain nasty.

Please keep walkin*

G your dog, she deserves it, and it will help you too. You mention comfort eating which suggests a low mood/depression,

Beautiful3 · 18/01/2020 14:53

That's awful op. I'm so sorry that happened to you. They are so rude with no manners. These kind of people go around slagging everyone off for being skinny, over weight, different clothing, race, gay. They are bad through and through. You are beautiful inside and out. Well done you losing a stone. I like you, have bought a dog to walk to help me lose weight too! I've been good for a year, however i'm starting to want to say, sod it and stuff my mouth with chocolate!!! Maybe we can spur each other on?! Please dont listen to bad people. Only listen to yourself and enjoy your walks with your lovely dog.

AssangesCat · 18/01/2020 14:53

See this is partly why when I see someone who is overweight jogging, walking or cycling and they shoot me a look that, to me, says "please don't look, please don't judge" I want to mentally telegraph " for all I know, you've already lost 2 stone, you're doing amazing, I know you might have a million challenges in life that I don't and you had the guts to get out the house today and do some exercise, which is more than can be said for many people, hold your head up high".

For all you know, 100 other people mentally wished you well when they saw you, but we don't say these things out loud because most of are well aware strangers don't need our opinions.

Anyway - you are doing amazing, don't let them get you down.

AnyOldPrion · 18/01/2020 14:54

Don’t leave a note. People like this won’t feel bad about upsetting you so a note won’t make a difference.

The note will likely not make a difference to the horrible people, BUT if it makes you feel better OP, then leave it.

I’ve realised over the years that not taking actions I feel are justified by the circumstances leaves me feeling dissatisfied with myself. So if someone is properly gratuitously rude to me and I have the chance to politely and icily tell them how wrong their actions had been, then I will go ahead. I feel much better about myself and frankly don’t care whether it has any noticeable affect on the other party.

Minxmumma · 18/01/2020 14:55

Leave the note. How utterly rude of them. Enjoy the pleasure of walking your houndling wherever you choose.

SecondRatePony · 18/01/2020 14:55

You cannot please all the people all time.

How fortunate that the same people you cannot please, also happen to be c*nts. Who'd WANT to please those people?

Good for you for taking such lovely care of your dog and heading out to the beach today. This is why dogs are often better company than (some) people.

WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 18/01/2020 14:55

key the car

Leave the note, then promptly forget about them. You can walk away but they still have to live in their horrid, small minded heads. Flowers

NotNowPlzz · 18/01/2020 14:57

Disgusting people.

KitNCaboodle · 18/01/2020 15:08

Utter arseholes. Leave the note if it will make you feel better. I hope you do It might just make those tossers think before spitting vile comments like that out again.

Don’t let their attitude stop you from your progress. You were fab going out for a walk today.

Member869894 · 18/01/2020 15:14

I would post a pic of the car in your local fb page and shame them. Keep buggering on x

KodiNatural · 18/01/2020 15:18

I remember once reading on a thread on here ( it may be in classics ), a story about someone who had come back to their car to find someone had arranged a very unpleasant word on their car bonnet with chips. Are there any chip vans around ?

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 18/01/2020 15:18

Horrible people. Horrible. I would leave the note. Might make the children think differently even if their parents are arseholes.

But feel pity for them. My DH has a mother who was very overweight (I got on very well with her and he did too). He used to say things to me about overweight people and I pulled him up EVERY time and reminded him of his dear mum. He is much better now but a lot of people just don’t think

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 18/01/2020 15:19

I'd leave a note from a third party saying how disgusted I was by their behavior and I should have spoken up at the time but I didn't and I can't get it out of my head. I would add I am seriously thinking of putting a picture of their car on social media to see if anyone else has suffered from their ignorance.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 18/01/2020 15:21

Well they didn’t do a good job raising their daughter, did they. Keep going to the same beach, in hope that you see them again and make sure to wave to them every time!

Sparklesocks · 18/01/2020 15:24

Nasty fuckers, I’m sorry OP. It’s pretty sad that they’re spending a nice Saturday on the beach but all they have to talk about is other people. Speaks volumes about how small minded and dull they are. Keep going OP you’re doing fab!

Thinkingabout1t · 18/01/2020 15:25

Leave the note and then forget about them, OP. They're not worth a moment of your attention. Don't put your address on it, or any other way they could contact you.

Congratulations on the efforts you are making to improve your life. I hope you have lots of fun and great walks with your doggy companion.

NameNumber5 · 18/01/2020 15:28

Maybe the note will make them think twice in future? Worth a try!

Sorry they upset you, can't understand why adults need to comment on other people's appearance Angry

vintanner · 18/01/2020 15:32

It is a little late now for me to say but Yes you should have left them a note letting them know how rude and inconsiderate they were.

If you want and can you can change the way you look (not easy I know from experience) THEY will always be nasty inside and out (no matter how good they think they look).

Remember, you are wonderful, beautiful, kind and most importantly, a doggy person Smile.

Get out there and enjoy yourself. I wish you were a neighbour, we could go for walks together, with or without the doggies.

Kaykay066 · 18/01/2020 15:33

God there are some awful people out there.
Sad that a lovely dog walk at the beach could be ruined by people - what makes them say something like that to deliberately hurt someone else?. Cruel and unnecessary.

Keep getting out there don’t let people that that put you off, we aren’t all like that. You’ll meet lots of lovely people with your dog if you keep walking him.
Sorry this happened though, says more about them than you x

Actionhasmagic · 18/01/2020 15:34

Leave the note

Summatsummit · 18/01/2020 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notthemum · 18/01/2020 15:37

The rudeness of some people never fails to amaze me. They are vile, ignorant idiots.
Please don't let these disgusting excuses for human beings stop you going out. You have done so well to lose a stone. 💐 Keep it up. Before long you will be running along the beach with the dog.
Wish I had been with you today. I would have loved to have walked the beach with you both and I guess I must admit that I would have loved to have put those pieces of crap in their place for you. You are doing brilliantly. You can do it. We are all rooting for you and we are here to support you when you need us.