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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Overheard comments about weight.

223 replies

Ao92 · 18/01/2020 12:45

Hi everyone, I’ll keep this brief as I’m still in the moment and looking for quick opinions. A very long story short I suffer badly with anxiety and depression, no sob stories but I have barely left the house in 12 years. I bought a dog 6 months ago and when I did I vowed to him every single that I’d him. Up until now that has always been in places where other people don’t really go. Or at night in the dark. Until today. Now another important thing to note is that I’m very overweight, mainly due to no exercise and comfort eating but also because of side effects of medication (which I’ve now been weaned off so have actually lost a stone in a month woo). So today I decided to sod it, I’m taking him to the beach. It’s Saturday, the sun is shining and I underestimated how busy it’d be. But anyway, did the walk and was fine and lived. I was just about to get back into the car when I heard somebody say “Jesus Christ she’s huge”, I turned around and a family of 3, with a daughter around aged about 20, then continued to say “you wouldn’t let yourself go that far would you”. They all laughed and continued walking but the daughter turned around and saw that I had heard and then laughed again and whispered something to her mum. This happened about half an hour ago. I was in too much shock, and crying, to say anything so I began to drive home but pulled in and decided to write them a note just stating that kindness cost nothing and you don’t know the damage your words can do. I’ve driven back to the beach and their car is still here. Should I put the note on the windscreen or not? Thank you.

OP posts:
Eyewhisker · 18/01/2020 18:22

That is just lovely OP. Please stay on here. We will all be rooting for you when you walk your dog each day 😀

MatildaTheCat · 18/01/2020 18:27

Ao92 you sound incredibly self aware and thoughtful. Absolute hats off to you for rising above, analysing the situation and recognising that actually, you have every right to get down to the beach with your dog on a sunny day to have a nice time.

These steps are massive for you. Quite literally the path to a new and better life. You have proved that you have the resilience to deal with the odd wanker. Such a shame you happened to meet them at all but there you go.

Enjoy your doggy walks, the daft random chats that all good dog people engage in and you never know, over time you might meet some friends. I met two of my closest friends this way. Our local park is such a friendly place and includes people of literally all sizes.

Go you. Smile

mumwon · 18/01/2020 18:27

walk your dog on the beach & enjoy it - ignore idiots & I bet another time you will find other dog walkers who will chat to you - dogs like children break the ice & as others have said 1 stone - my admiration!

Twillow · 18/01/2020 18:28

Yes it was rude -but remember, for every person that says something about your weight there are an awful lot more that think it.
Not trying to be unkind, but people will notice and some people will judge.
You don't know them, it's your life so ignore and don't let it stop you going out. Ever.

messolini9 · 18/01/2020 18:35

I didn’t leave the note in the end because writing down what I wanted to say was enough. The longer I sat in the car thinking about why it hurt me the more I realised they shouldn’t need to know my past to be kinder.

Good thinking, Ao!
And in addition to all the things you have achieved which I mentioned in my first post, you can reflect on how many people have been impressed & heartwarmed by your bravery & resourcefulness.
Look at the PP who posted to say you have inspired to get walking again. You can be really proud of that too, as proud as you should be to have risen above the ignorant words of some bitchy arseholes.

I bet there are dozens of us here who have been uplifted by your story ... & you will soon be meeting good-hearted doggy people in RL as you get out & about & your confidence increases.

Bringing yourself back from 12 years of near house-bound depression is an amazing feat. Long may you continue to celebrate, & enjoy everyday adventures with your dog, meeting other nice dogs & their humans :)

Wiltinglillies · 18/01/2020 18:37

Twillow how helpfulConfused
There'll be many more thinking:
That's a cute dog
Haven't seen that lady before
That's the lady who I saw last Saturday, cute dog.
What shall I cook for dinner
Must remember to order those cushions.
Can't wait for the next episode of ...
God I hope that lady didn't see my spot.

You were unlucky today, and those people are not very nice/bright/worthy of too much more thought.
Ao92 your last post was truly inspiring.
I was going to post earlier with flowers. Instead here's a smile!
Smile

AdiosAmigo · 18/01/2020 18:37

Bless you, your original post made me really sad and angry. I cannot stand people who behave like that, it’s fucking disgusting.
I hope you have lots of lovely walks with your dog from now on Flowers

BlouseAndSkirt · 18/01/2020 18:42

Walk your dog every day.
Enjoy it.
After a few days smile or nod at a fellow dog owner you have seen on a previous day.
They will smile and nod back.
At YOU. Woman enjoying walking her dog.

Yeahnah2020 · 18/01/2020 18:49

Fantastic OP! You are so much better than them. And you are doing amazingly well with the weight loss and getting out and about with your dog. Keep going!!

Slatkater · 18/01/2020 18:50

Well done OP, you’ve got a great attitude. Not letting the nasty bastards grind you down. I’d much rather be carrying extra timber (I do!) than be a nasty piece of work. Good luck with your recovery, best thing you can do is get a furry friend. Don’t forget to hold your head high, keep walking your dog and the weight will fall off. You’ve got this. And you are very lucky to live by a beach, make the most of it. Flowers

TimeforanotherChange · 18/01/2020 18:56

What a fabulous person you sound! Hope you and your lovely dog continue walking. The weather here has been cold but lovely and sunny today, and I've walked our furry chap on the beach. I'm very fat too, but that's the least important thing about anyone. You will honestly benefit so much from a bit of sunshine and fresh air with your dog. Keep going! I admire how brave you are at getting out again. Flowers

TheGoblinQueenoftheLabyrinth · 18/01/2020 18:59

Please remember that their disgusting comment says so much more about them than it does you. Happy people don't hate and hateful people aren't happy.

Stay strong and don't let it put you off getting out and about in the future Thanks

CSIblonde · 18/01/2020 19:11

They're sad people. Dimming someone else's light doesn't make your light shine brighter. It's a sign of their own massive self esteem issues & a need to feel superior. A stone in just a month is phenomenal , so is getting out of the house after so long. Keep walking your dog OP & onwards & upwards.

Lilymossflower · 18/01/2020 19:12

Well done for being So amazing and strong

NotTonightJosepheen · 18/01/2020 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoleBizzz · 18/01/2020 19:21

Were you at the beach today Worrability?
I am so glad you have had such a lovely response from MNetters and nit told you are imagining it or being sensitive..

Put that note on of there isn't CCTV?

What do people get out of making fun of overweight people? You are fantastic!!!

NewYearNewWho · 18/01/2020 19:25

Rarely post, but just coming on to say a huge well done and to thank you for such a lovely update. I live near a popular beach for running and dog walking and I am always in awe of the bigger built runners I see as I think how much harder it must be for them to get up and out the door knowing there are people who might stare or be unkind. Some folk are arseholes, but don’t ever let them stop you from doing what you want to do - life is for living!

winterchills · 18/01/2020 19:36

Vile bastards, how awful for you 😩

Kolo · 18/01/2020 19:39

They sound like a family I'd never like or want anything to do with.

Reading your post, I felt nothing but concern for you, but felt contempt for the unpleasant family. I'm always telling my kids that when people say mean things about you, it's really only saying something about themselves. There must be something really lacking in them to feel the need to say something mean. It's difficult to not be hurt by what they say, but really it's a reflection on them and nothing about you.

You sound lovely and I'd rather go for a walk with you than any of them.

Changeembrace · 18/01/2020 19:45

* My son came out of school one day crying saying someone kept calling me fat. *
I told him when he says it tomorrow tell him if my mum wants to lose weight she can, your mum will always be ugly and there's nothing she can do about it.

Shockingly poor parenting there.
You have essentially told your son to be even nastier than the child in question and drag another person in to (his mother, we have no idea what she’s like) it by calling her ugly.

B0bbin · 18/01/2020 19:59

How horrible for you. I hope you get out and about again soon. You've done well xxx

NumbersStation · 18/01/2020 21:40

So happy to read your update.

May their be six happy little footprints on the sand for many joyful years to come. 🦶🏼 🦶🏼 🐾 🐾

And one of my rare hugs because as a dog lover you are just fab in my eyes x

NumbersStation · 18/01/2020 21:41

May there (autocorrect and 36 hours without sleep is not good text wise sometimes) Grin

chocolatespiders · 18/01/2020 21:48

Good for you op.. you are amazing and what a lucky dog getting to go to the beach with you today. Go back, hold your head high and smile.
I am sure you feel better for getting out and inhaling some sea air - dont let small minded people stop you from living your best life!

isittooearlyforgin · 18/01/2020 22:42

@Ao92 your story is so inspiring. Please please don’t stop walking your dog because if some ridiculous people. Please post back to say you’ve been out tomorrow. I’ve become overly invested I think but only because a) you have shown such courage overcoming your fears and id hate to see some lowlifes ruin that and b) the uplifting side of Mumsnet supporting one of their own.