Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

Sounds like she's chancing it.

Realised Ive written DD twice instead of DS, not that it's relevant but a mistake I've just realised

It's possible Mum didn't know she had the money and is checking with the kid ?

Possibly but it was about 12 hours ago. Friend has been on Facebook since but hasn't answered my message. Not sure where to go from here

You might be caught up in a mother daughter argument over money. It could have been spent on something naughty, or lied about or simply lost and the mother is trying to shame the truth out of the daughter.
I would wait and see if she replies to you.

You might not remember exactly what happened when you got in if you were very drunk but surely you would have noticed whether you had £40 more/less in your purse than expected.

Another vote for babysitter trying it on. It does seem strange that she'd wait 2 days to message you about it. I used to babysitter for lots of families when I was younger and I had they forgotten to pay me on the night (not that they would and if they did I would just ask there and then) then I would have contacted them the next day to ask for the money. I have a feeling (possibly) babysitter has spent the money then told her mum you didn't pay, hoping that since you were pissed you wouldn't remember. Also seems strange that the money isn't in your purse and if you haven't been out of the house where has it gone? Money doesn't just disappear. I would wait to see what your friend saids when she replies.

She's at it!

Tricky

If she comes back to you I’d simply say that you know you gave her £40 because you owed her less than that, but you only had the (two twenties or 4-£10’s - whatever you gave her) & that you don’t appreciate her DD lying to her Mum about not being paid (she wasn’t drunk!)

Little madam wouldn’t be welcome back in my home. If she’ll lie to her mum about this, god knows what else she’d have the front to do!

You definitely paid here. The detail about not having change of $4 for the $36 adds truth to your memory

I think she’ll have spent it and her mum has asked for it “to keep safe” or whatever, and she’s panicked and said “oh she hasn’t gave me it yet I’ll go pick it up”

Mums could’ve messaged you off her own back and babysitter has no idea

Just one scenario anyways, hope your friend messages you soon

I think she’s trying it. You remember giving her the £40 as you didn’t have the right money.

She’s chancing it, don’t worry about it.

But also don’t use her again

I suspect the daughter has spent the money and has told her mother that you haven't paid her yet as a cover up.

I wouldn't worry about it.

6 pounds an hour? Can you seriously pay so little?

Its bloody generous given the minimum wage for that age group is a mere £4.35!

I bet she owes her mum some money for something and she's said she can't pay her back as she didn't get paid

I pay £5.

£40 to sit in someone's house for the evening and watch TV is good. She won't have to pay tax or N.I. on that.

Honest answer op? The problem is that you were, as you say 'very drunk' which means that you can't totally rely on your memory. (not having a pop ...I have been very drunk and you had made proper arrangements for your children) It sounds to me likely that you did pay her but you have no proof ...your word against hers. If you are right the babysitter is a cheeky chancer ...if you are wrong you are accusing your friend's daughter of stealing from you and that isn't going to end well.
I would check all over for the money op ...not dropped ...not screwed up in your bag/purse. Not been shoved in your coat/jeans pocket instead of giving it to her. Did you get it deliberately from an ATM..if so will that trigger any memories of what happened next. If/when you are sure that you have definitely paid her I would go around to her house to smilingly tell the babysitter, in front of her mother that she must have made some mistake. Can she go upstairs and check her bag/purse/pockets in case she's mislaid it somewhere. This gives her a chance to suddenly 'find' it hopefully. Good luck with this one op I hope it pans out ok

You must be in some doubt or you wouldn't be asking the question. Only you know if you paid or not.

His is a really awkward one. I would probably pay the £40 out of embarrassment. But I’m a wimp.

I assume you weren’t anywhere you could have spent the money. Just asking because if I was very drunk I would have no idea whether I paid her or not.

Hmm. I am slightly judging you for being so drunk you couldn't remember what you were doing - we may all have been there but you should have made sure your DH just got you to bed and dealt with checking on the kids/the babysitter.

I also think you slightly owe your friend an apology for turning up very drunk to her 16 year old.

I wonder if that's actually what she's hinting at.

If not, and if you are absolutely dead sure you paid, I would just stick to the fact that you don't remember but you had specifically withdrawn the money for that purpose and it's no longer there - you could point out you were with your sober DH all night and he can confirm you didn't spend it or put it anywhere.