Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

I am amazed at those who are saying the babysitter is chancing it, I assume these people and their DC would act the same which is why they believe that.
I have been very drunk before and have lost track of money spent. waking up finding coins in my purse and wondering where it all went.
There are two scenarios here.
a) You did pay her, in which case why would she like? To get another £40 with the chance of never being able to babysit again?
b) you didn't pay her, in which case your friend and her daughter will be rightly pissed off with you and your reputation will take a hit.
As you cant really be sure, I would think paying the extra £40would be worth not falling out.

I am amazed at those who are saying the babysitter is chancing it

You might be less amazed if you'd read the OPs updates where the babysitters mother said she had found the money OP paid her.............

yes sorry I was skimming past.
Its good that the Babysitter found it.
I still dont think though that we should automatically jump to the conclusion that she was pulling a fast one, but it would have been nice if she or her mother had told you instead of you checking.
I dont think you need to feel you have done anything wrong though, more likely she is embarrassed and ashamed.
if you want to end it, I would speak to her and make totally light of the situation, saying how good s babysitter she was and how things can be easily forgotten

It seems a bit mean to to the teen out of a job before it is known what actually happened.

She’s not really ‘out of a job’ though, is she? The OP only used her because there were no family members available. She probably wouldn’t be using her that often anyway.

@Cheeseandwin5 cracking babysitter all she had to do was watch tv and make sure she didn't set the house on fire, get paid £40 and then try to con OP out of another £40.

What do you think happened if she wasn't pulling a fast one?

I still dont think though that we should automatically jump to the conclusion that she was pulling a fast one

So what do you think happened then @Cheeseandwin5 - when the OP came back to say her friend said the DD did have the money after all?

I think she spent the money, lied to her mum about not having been paid and then got caught out when mum told her you had paid.

babysitter suddenly remembered she had got paid after all and confessed to it being all spent on crap.

Instead of the spend £20 and save £20 her mum had suggested when she was originally asked to hand over the £20 to be saved, hence the lying in the first place.

Perhaps the sitter want used to seeing an adult so drunk and it threw her - she took the money in a rush and shoved it somewhere and left the house as fast as possible. Perhaps she later told her Mum how drunk you'd been and had been upset by it

Bloody hell. Skippy the Bush Kangaroo would've been proud of a leap like that!

£6 an hour seems a lot to me and certainly not unfair or mean. And actually she got more than that because OP didn't have change. £40 for an evening seems generous. . When I used to baby sit (many years ago I admit) I was only paid a flat rate for the night no matter how long they were away!. And it was a much smaller rate too.

Maybe the mum didn't know you had already paid or maybe you took the money out of your purse but then left it somewhere random rather than giving it to babysitter? I have teenage DC and i think people are too quick to assume that a teenager is lying. Double check with her mum explain you were really drunk and honestly thought you had paid but cant remember giving her the money, see what she says, if babysitter says you havent paid i think you should give her benefit of the doubt and hand over the money, you might find the missing money around the house in a couple of days time!

@Runnerduck34 - the OP posted a while back that babysitter has now 'found' the money at home

I bet the babysitter owed her mum cash. OP needs a sitter so BS mother (BSM) eagerly promotes her DD. OP uses the BS as described.

Next day BSM says, ‘Right, can I have that £30 you owe me now?’

BS isn’t keen. She’s a teenager and believes she has earned every last penny by working her fingers to the bone (channel hopping). She says she hasn’t been paid yet to get her DM off her back. She knows her CFDM doesn’t need the money and that everyone’s else mother would have paid gladly for her last shopping trip. So she lies.

Unfortunately BSM does, in fact want the cash. So she calls her DD’s bluff and texts you.

BS has to concede that she might have been paid but actually OP was pissed and therefore she should rightfully have paid double anyway. And she therefore definitely doesn’t owe her DM £30. Or a single penny.

She storms off and slams the door. BSM then gets another call from OP who has been so anxious about this ( hangxiety is a real thing unfortunately, OP). She decides OP does share a portion of the blame for getting pissed and, indeed for going out at all and snaps at her.

A few days later they all make friends again. Well not BSM and BS but other than that.

The End.

@Durgasarrow £6 is absolutely fine for an under 18.

All she was sit in front of the TV for 6 hours.

I reckon you have been caught in a situation between mother and daughter here. I don´t think anyone is annoyed with you at all.

Exactly this^^

It sounds to me like DBabysitter owed her mum money (and who knows what for, maybe her mum is actually short of money and told her she had to give half or something it wasn't necessarily for concert tickets or something) and didn't want to give it so told her Dm that you said you'd transfer it.

The drama is baffling, everyone lies to their parents at some point even the most perfect pearl-clutching mnetters. It's part of growing up,

Sorry matilda I've just read your post. Great minds think alike though 😀

Wow times have changed since I baby sat.. Lucky if I got a couple of pounds.. 😝 I think this girl is trying it on. You say you had a few drinks but remember paying her.. Cheeky sod... Leave it.. Don't have her back

People are naive if they believe a 16 year old wouldn’t try to chance their luck in a situation like this, what because they are 16 and incapable of lying? Some 16 year old’s believe they’re fantastic liars, you should see them try to get out of homework for example.

It’s pretty obvious this is what happened here, why would she forget she had been paid? It’s just nonsense. Also £40 for a few hours babysitting at that age is crazy. I got £20 when I babysat three unruly children as a teenager. They were horrible kids and I had to babysit them literally all night, for £20. I declined future offers.

Also £40 for a few hours babysitting at that age is crazy. I got £20 when I babysat three unruly children as a teenager. They were horrible kids and I had to babysit them literally all night, for £20. I declined future offers.

I prefer babysitters to consider that it is worth their while. That way they return 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think the cost of babysitting is unrecognisable compared to 25 years ago when I used to get £5 for the night, £10 if over midnight! So that £5 would buy me 2 pints so if we followed the same then £9 an evening would do it!!!

Should add that I think it's good that it's paid better than it was in my day!