Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

Thunderboltandlightening I have to ask...did you all realise the next day or was there a period of 'CFers still haven't paid us half for the babysitter I paid for' on both sides?

If you were drink could you have dropped money at cash machine and not put into purse?

@caringcarer reading the thread, or at least OP's posts really helps.

I’ll come and babysit for £40 op.

RuggerHug the next morning, as we were all nursing hangovers. Can't remember exactly how it came out, probably my uber wealthy DBro said something about having paid, no need to reimburse him and then we realised we had each stumped up. My aunt had arranged the sitter, we didn't want to embarrass her as she would have tried to get some of it back, so we just chalked it up to experience and laughed about it. It was such a fab night, it was worth it!

the Mother of the Babysitter should have called you immediately on finding her wages.. that is really bang out of order.. and I'm wondering if something else is going on ? Does her Mother take the 'earnings' from her daughter and she maybe didn't want to hand it over? just a thought.. either way she really should have called you to say it had been found..

I wouldn't use her again .. her Mothers attitude stinks..

You emphasise that you were that drunk. If your husband has suggested there is the possibility that you may not have paid (he will know from experience how responsible / reliable you are when 'very' drunk as you say) then I would pay up and pay by bank xfer next time.

If you can be bothered to type a post,you can be bothered to read the thread surely?

When we were teens babysitting for a family friend they'd say "I'll give you £20/30 for the night" - it was never based on the amount of hours etc.

Well now the trust has gone I wouldn't be using her again. I did a lot of babysitting in my teens and as others have said it was usually £20-30 a night and I'd use some of that to get a taxi home if needed to. At 14-17yrs that's still pretty good for an evenings work. One night a couple came home really drunk and gave me £40 which I didn't realise until I had got home (it was in an envelope). I called them the next day as it was too much but they kindly told me to keep it. If she's mature enough to babysit then I don't see why all communication seems to be coming via her mother and that would put me off to.

Thanks for the update. Closure should not matter but it is nice when you can get it.

I wonder like others said - if the babysitter lost the money /dropped it on her way home and was too embarrassed to admit it or just a bit flakey (constantly on her phone) Does sound weird though particularly the mums message and attitude to you after you sent a nice message. People do annoy me who can’t be bothered to reply to you properly and you have to chase. How long does it take? I’d be inclined to follow it up if you see her on the school run with a breezy “ was everything ok with DD and the money in the end ? I do remember giving her 2x£20 but I’d had a few glasses of wine and I would hate to think I may not have given her the money”

@thistimeofyear did you read the update? She has the money. Absolutely no reason to bring it up again to the mother unless OP wants to be a dick and ruin the friendship.

You do have to wonder about how much weight to give to advice from posters who can't even be arsed to check if the OP has updated.

People do annoy me who can’t be bothered to reply to you properly and you have to chase.

Maybe you have to chase them because they haven't bothered to read what is in front of them.

bless you katzenellenbogen I'm so sorry you are having a bad day! - maybe you misunderstood my message - I meant following the short message OP had received from the Mum which had said that babysitter had the money but was a bit abrupt and had left OP a bit unsure about the whole thing - cheer up!

Great thread. It starts with posters who want to have a pop at the OP over cheating the babysitter by not giving her the money, and when that's no longer viable, they move on to accusing the OP of cheating the babysitter by underpaying her.

I've never got this thing about trawling through MN threads looking for OPs to have a go at.

Perhaps the sitter want used to seeing an adult so drunk and it threw her - she took the money in a rush and shoved it somewhere and left the house as fast as possible. Perhaps she later told her Mum how drunk you'd been and had been upset by it

I only ever hear of nonsense like this on Mumsnet.

OP, perhaps you should offer to pay for some therapy for that poor 16yo to help her process the shocking experience of you being drunk near her for 5 minutes. She probably has PTSD

I still think it was just a misunderstanding between the babysitter and her mum. I wouldn’t give it another thought.

I did read the update BTW. I just don’t think it was anything sinister.

I think friend worked herself into a state thinking you were accusing her daughter of lying. Now she’s discovered daughter either WAS lying, or was at best mistaken, and is both embarrassed and furious - so maybe resents you a bit for being right and is trying to justify it to herself?

If you're worried about your friendship (you shouldn't be) maybe text her and say your sorry if you dropped her DD in the shit, she did a lovely job and you'd be happy to have her babysit again. and just never ask again

Perhaps the sitter want used to seeing an adult so drunk and it threw her - she took the money in a rush and shoved it somewhere and left the house as fast as possible. Perhaps she later told her Mum how drunk you'd been and had been upset by it

Bloody hell, talk about adding legs to the story, you have some imagination

Perhaps she later told her Mum how drunk you'd been and had been upset by it

Thats some reach there. People are carrying on like a 16 year old wouldn't have seen a drunk person before. Besides, the fact the OP could walk and talk means she was clearly not drunk enough in my honest opinion Babysitter was trying it on anyway, that much is clear

Perhaps the sitter want used to seeing an adult so drunk and it threw her - she took the money in a rush and shoved it somewhere and left the house as fast as possible. Perhaps she later told her Mum how drunk you'd been and had been upset by it

Maybe should give more funding to buy cotton wool to wrap the DD in? honestly the drama on MN is beyond mad at times!

It seems a bit mean to to the teen out of a job before it is known what actually happened.