Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

Agree with Princess Pain, at 16 I wouldn’t have questioned where the money was if you hadn’t have paid me. I also don’t think a 16 year old would lie about this. You can’t remember. Where would your husband have got the money from if he was going to pay?

You paid the money and you know you did, stop being weak.

There are plenty of silly teenagers like purplecrowbars who will lie in the spur of the moment to get themselves out of trouble. Generally good kids too.

Give it today then ring friend to ask if it's been sorted. If she says not pay again for the sake of the friendship and the tiny doubt you have.

I agree that you shouldn't use her again.

But OP does remember. It's just her DH that thinks she might've forgotten as she was drunk.

Yes, I can absolutely imagine both of my (perfectly lovely) teens behaving as purple's DS if they thought it would avoid a difficult conversation in the moment. They wouldn't be lying because they thought they could get OP to pay again, just to avoid telling me what they did with the cash.

If the babysitter is adamant she hasn't been paid, suggest she comes round to sort it out. If she's lying I doubt she would want to.

Go to their house to "drop the money off". Both of their reactions will tell you exactly what you need to know.

If you still believe you didn't pay, pay.

I think it's really odd that they just haven't replied. I don't think I would be able to let it go if I had any doubts myself.

Maybe send a follow up text asking if she found it and if not you will have another look around the house. Give the daughter chance to say she found it.

Do you remember where you were when uou paid her, what she saif when you handed it over or anything like that?

You remember handing over 2x20s for example so that's all you need to say if it becomes necessary.

"I remember paying with x notes"

Literally laughing at all the posters insisting op has paid the money when op can’t remember herself 🤣

NRTFT Could it have got mislaid at the party?

"(I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)"

This is what Op put in her first post.

@74NewStreet me too 😂

Agree with Purple and Elder - the girl probably just told her mum a fib to get out of an awkward conversation in the moment. She wouldn't have thought about her mum texting you to follow it up, and she's not a 'chancer'.

Has she replied op?

The radio silence speaks volumes to me. The mum has found out that the DD lied and is too embarrassed to say anything.

Literally laughing at all the posters insisting op has paid the money when op can’t remember herself

But she does remember. I think she’s only questioning it because the teenager is claiming not to have been paid and her DH is offering up being drunk as a reason for forgetting.

Thanks again everyone for the replies!

I do remember paying her, as I said in my OP. It's just my husband has made me question whether I remember something that actually happened or if it's something I imagined.

I agree that it's awful for her to have looked after my children for almost 6 hours and not get any money for it so if they are adamant that she received no money then I see no choice but to pay her £36 because I don't want to lose a close friendship over this.

Still no reply though. Makes me think friends DD has changed her mind and now friend is trying to think of something to say, not that writing "she found the money, was just a miscommunication" is that difficult.

Will keep you updated

I suspect some discussion might still be going on behind the scenes OP.

Despite being tipsy, Do you remember actually paying her?

putting the money in her hand? Her expression? Were you stood in the doorway of the lounge, gave it to her then steeped back into the kitchen, to allow her into the hallway, to get to the front door?

I know that sounds silly, but I remember such details, because the young person who used to babysit for me was do thrilled at 2 x £20 notes. And I remember where I was stood.

If you ever needed to text again, clarify, it would give credit to your case:

"Oh that's odd, because I'm sure I did. I was stood in the lounge door and when I put the 2 x £20 notes in Sarah's hand, she seemed satisfied".

We were stood in the living room. DH and I walked through the door, said hi to her, I went upstairs to check on boys, came back down, DH went to toilet, I came back into living room, gave her two £20 notes and said "I don't have change for £36 but you can just keep it" she smiled and said thank you.

I remember paying her. But it's the fact that I did so while drunk which is making some MNers and my DH question it.

I think you'd have to be pretty out-of-it pissed not to remember paying her, or rather, to have imagined handing over two £20 notes.

The most likely scenario is that the problem/miscommunication/lies are at their end.

More than anything I can't believe she only charges £6 an hour. I used to get more than that when I was a teenager which wasn't recently!

I think she's misplaced the money and didn't want to admit to this when her mother asked where it was.

Really thaegumathteth? I was thinking £40 for an evening was an awful lot for a 16yo