Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

What reply could they make to “it’s not here, she must have taken it”?

"Well she's sure she hasn't"

"I think you might be mistaken as she said you were rather drunk"

I don't know really. Anything but complete radio silence.

Sorry if I've upset people by saying what I said. I didn't mean to trigger such strong reactions.

I think I would have felt quite awkward around a very drunk adult, aged 16. I knew adults had a few drinks, but I think I had very rarely seen an adult so drunk they didn't know what they were doing. I do stand by my statement the OP's husband should have stepped in. I know he was there and was sober - that's why I said he should have been the one to deal with the sitter - but the fact is he didn't actually do so.

It may be I was very sheltered and my experience is unusual, and if so it's not helpful. I just shared it because it struck me the mum of this girl might be a bit fed up.

Maybe they’re avoiding being that inflammatory! It’s fairly obvious op has no intention of changing her stance, so why flog a dead horse.

Sorry if I've upset people by saying what I said. I didn't mean to trigger such strong reactions.

Well I can't speak for anyone else but you didn't 'upset' me as you put it.

You made me laugh with your "I do slightly judge you". I'm thinking 'shit, the OP must be gutted to be slightly judged by an internet random she doesn't know and never will'

I think you should pay her. Your reputation will spread and you’ll never get a local babysitter again.

Maybe they’re avoiding being that inflammatory! It’s fairly obvious op has no intention of changing her stance, so why flog a dead horse.

If she flogs one on Ebay, she can make up the 40 quid she's lost

Sounds like she’s a chancer!

@SarahAndQuack I totally get what you mean - I'd have been mortified at that age by having to interact with a very drunk older lady, so I do feel for the poor girl.

It wasn’t clear that it was a house party! So I do understand it’s much harder to lose track of cash 😀

Why would the mum of the girl be a bit fed up that the OP was posed after a night out?

I used to babysit a lot when I was a teenager. Many parents came back a bit pissed. But then I'd seen my parents and their friends a bit pissed and we used to roll our eyes and laugh at them. It certainly wasn't traumatising in any way.

I think the girl has fibbed to her mum and the mum is embarrassed. You definitely paid her - as another poster said,the whole 'oh I haven't got change' memory is evidence to you if no one else!

Posed? Pissed!

My moneys on the babysitter asking her m for some money for something, mother saying don’t you have money from babysitting the other night and sitter either wants more or has already spent it. I wouldn’t worry about it I’m sure the mum will msg when she’s done yelling at the sitter

She knew you were pissed and pulled a fast one imo.

I also suspect the Mum was expecting the money / some money for something from her dd, and dd said she didn't have it, so the Mum has stuck her oar in and texted you without following it up with the dd.
I'd stay out of it, until they get back to you.

Duck it says they were at a house almost at the start of the OP!!

I also suspect the Mum was expecting the money / some money for something from her dd, and dd said she didn't have it, so the Mum has stuck her oar in and texted you without following it up with the dd.

Exactly @BackforGood, far more likely to be crossed wires between mother & daughter than anything nefarious.

Starfish thanks, I do admit I thought the party had rocked on else where. Read too much into it. Thanks for pointing out my mistake.

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine (A), was a childminder for a little boy Monday to Friday. His parents occasionally asked A if she would babysit some Saturday nights which she happily did. I remember meeting A a couple of weeks later and she was quite upset. She had babysat the little boy the previous Sat night and the parents arrived home quite late and quite drunk. She waited for to be paid but the mum told her that she would fix her up in her wages the following week because she didn't have cash on her. A was ok with this. The following Friday she received her pay minus the babysitting money. She said it when she next saw the mum who responded that she had paid her on the Saturday night she had babysat. A explained what had happened but the mum was insistent that she had been paid. A was visibly upset but had no way of 'proving' she had not received the babysitting money and didn't want to put her job at risk. A couple of days later, the mum gave her the money and said that she had 'found it' on the floor when she was cleaning and she must have dropped it when she thought she had given it to A. Now A knew very well that no money had been dropped and if it had been dropped, A would have been the one to find it as she also did housework for them. She put it down to the parents being quite drunk when they arrived home. She also felt that they thought she was dishonest and were merely humouring her by giving her the babysitting money as they did not want to lose her as their childminder. It really tarnished their relationship as A lost trust in her employers and left as soon as she found another job.

I would say the girl has lied to her mum about not being paid. Your friend hasn’t replied to your message because she’s embarrassed. She knows you’ve paid, and her DD is lying, but doesn’t want to be disloyal to her DD and apologise on her behalf, or tell you that she’s lied.

Just ignore, move on, and don’t use her again. Absolutely don’t pay again though!

I think you paid her. As you won’t use her again she’s lost out on future earnings which is a shame. I hope your friendship with her mum is not affected. I know it’s not particularly relevant but I’m just wondering how she got home. Did your husband drive her? Did he double check with her that you’d paid her by any chance?

I'm sure you paid her, OP. And at 16, she will definitely have a track record with her DM for reliability and truthfulness one way or the other. If your sitter has caught herself up in her umpteenth lie, her DM will be mortified and is even now raging at her DD and agonising over what to say to you. She might try to cover up and save face or throw DD under the truth bus, who knows, but the fact that it's gone quiet suggests the girl lied about getting the money and has not been believed at home.

You have nothing to worry about beyond managing your friend's embarrassment. Do check that nothing else is missing from the house, though; lying and thieving often go together!

Don't have her in your house again, obviously.

The daughter has had the money, she’s spent it, her mum has asked where the money has gone but she’s already blown it and now they are embroiled in an argument and the daughter is lying out of her arse but the mum doesn’t really believe her.

When I was a babysitter at the same age the couple I babysat for had a drunken row and paid me twice... 🤣 I tried to return it but they both insisted so..!
I've no helpful.ideas OP but lying between 3yo and 3month old I'm just jealous!

I think you did pay her because you remember the conversation as in, " keep the change." Don't doubt yourself. When we're on auto pilot we dont forget to pay, e.g. paying the taxi driver, locking up the front door, turning off lights, getting changed for bed etc. However If you couldn't remember getting home nor paying her then yes of course that's different . If you genuinely hadn't paid me then I would have hounded you until you paid! Sounds like the daughter (hoped you were too drunk to remember already paying) chanced it by telling mum to ask for it and her mum is now embarrassed because daughter lied because she already had it. Dont send any more messages about it. Next time pay her in front of your husband.

I would give her a call to clarify..