Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

Did you take the money from your purse?

Do you know how much was in your purse?

Only you know what kind of person she is.
I baby sat occasionally when I was 16 and 17, and had parents come back drunk, which didn't really bother me.
But I wouldn't have had the nerve to say anything if they hadn't paid me right there and then.
What if you have misplaced the money? And you are saying she seemed happy and did a good job but now shes not being asked again when it might not even be her fault.
I think it's pretty crappy for almost every poster to assume a 16 year old is a grabby liar that wants more money.
I don't know what the best or right way to go about this whole situation, but I wouldn't just assume shes lying. It seems a bit rubbish and can potentially ruin a friendship.

OP is in no position to judge the sitter's veracity, but her friend, the girl's mother, definitely is.

Tbh I dont think you can be criticised for letting loose though I am surprised you got so drunk you cant remember. That for me would be an excessive amount of alcohol. I can be absolutely steaming and still be lucid. As such, if you think you gave her the money then you did. Especially with the detail about the change. I think perhaps you are doubting yourself because you had drank when actually the drink doesnt mean you arent correct. Unless of course you really were blind drunk such that your memory would be impacted in which case how did you manage to have a conversation and speak with her at all? I do appreciate though that people are different when drunk - for me to not remember I'd have to be extremely drunk and incapable

I think do nothing and let them bring it up again. If nothing is ever said, including a clarification that the money has turned up, then I'd be rethinking my friendship tbh. If you have the wherewithal to accuse then have the decency to apologise.

I'd agree, see what they say now. If they're insistant that they don't have the money I think that you'll have to pay, potentially for a second time.

I definitely wouldn't ask her again though.

When I baby sit for people that know that they are going to come home drunk they pay me before I go out. That way there is not money in house and there is not money in her bag to get spent or lost .
It is their choice .

I suspect the babysitter is trying it on as you were hammered. The mum is not answering as she is mortified (hopefully).

Could you have taken the money out of your purse in the car or something getting it ready to pay her, and then you maybe put it into a coat pocket or the side pocket in the car door so you had it handy, but then forgot to actually give it to her?

Babysitter trying to commit fraud. Call 101. ()

I'd give her a chance to find it.

Reply saying "I am positive I paid her. Please ask her to check her pockets and bag".

If you woke up the next morning and could remember all of the previous evening with no foggy bits and no memories coming back during the day then I think your memory of paying is true. If there were any hazy bits of the evening then you probably can’t be sure. The Mum could be trying to work out a reply so as not to hurt your friendship.

Wow, £40! I was lucky to get £5 for babysitting overnight when I was a teenager in the very late 90s.

See what she replies!

She's definitely chancing it.

There is a difference between having fun and getting drunk enough to not remember things.
I would pay her again - realistically its more likely you put the notes in the bin accidentally than her lying!

realistically its more likely you put the notes in the bin accidentally than her lying!

In what world?

I am shamelessly following this to see where it goes.

Personally, I think she's at it. And defo do not apologise for being drunk.
I think I appreciate being drunk now that I have kids. I love drunk me. 😂

I always worry that I will forget to pay the babysitter (even daytime and no alcohol) so I always give her the money when she arrives. Also it ensures I have the right money. I always tell her if I get back a bit later I will top it up. It’s easy to forget if you are rushing back and you want to check on the children etc.

I think it’s possible to forget although you do sound sure.

Could you call round and say to the daughter nicely, sorry I thought I gave you the money and see what she says?

@GiveHerHellFromUs in thd world of drunk people. if you’re ever short of money, take a walk around a nightclub just after closing. if you don’t find at least £50, its a bad day. people throw tissues, recipes etc and money goes with it.

I’d hand over (another) £40, not use her again, and save the friendship. The babysitter’s mum doesn’t know for certain what happened any more than the OP does. When I was a teenager I babysat sat for 2 sets of people who occasionally turned up pissed and forgot to pay me. I didn’t chase it up (it would be my word against theirs; nobody trusts a teenager - even if they are happy to entrust their children to one!) It does happen. Because of the experiences I have had, I’d be pretty unimpressed if this happened to my DC and my good friend accused them of stealing.

Just chalk it up as a more expensive than planned night out.

Also agree that the radio silence is your friend wondering how on earth to manage this situation in such a way that you can remain friends. Shitty position to put her in. Sober DH really should have handled the practicalities.

I think you did pay her as you remember having to give her £40 and not the £36. Stick to your guns

You paid her as you remember the lack of change thing so you not that drunk. Dont use her again as shes a chancer and not want her in my house and dont recommend her. Did her mum text back

@myself2020 but OP wouldn't have taken her purse out unless she was giving babysitter the money. She went to her friends with her DH. She didn't get a taxi, didn't pay for anything.

I do get what you're saying but I think the kid lying is much more likely in this instance

I am shocked at the number of people assuming the 16 year old is a lying chancer and a thief. Why would she put her mother's 'close' friendship with the Op at risk?

It's far more likely that the Op neglected to pay her. After all she freely admits she was 'very drunk'.