Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

If youre 100% sure you remember paying her and the money was gone from your purse then it may be a misunderstanding between the babysitter and her mother. Maybe she'd spent it on something her mother wouldn't approve of or something? Just a thought...

You were so drunk that you’re not absolutely sure... How likely is it that she’d lie?

Check everywhere! Your trousers, coat pockets, inside your shoes! Seriously check everywhere you can think of.
If your certain you had the money and your dh knew you had the money but just didn't see the transaction then it sounds like the babysitter is chancing it.
Tbh if you can afford it then I'd pay her again just to save your friendship and not use her as a babysitter again.

I think it is more likely that you dropped the notes somehow while drunk. It is such a bare faced lie, and she is the daughter of a good friend, it seems unlikely that she would lie, but you know her, so do you really think she would do that ?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

You do NOTHING.

The fact that you have not had a response suggests crossed wires between your friend & her DD ... OR that someone is chancing it.

I'm sure that's not something you want to think about a close friend, or her child, but it's odd they have not responded to your texted explanation.

So leave the ball in their court.
You remember getting the money out, you know it is now not in your purse or vicinity of where you were standing when you paid her ... so what other explanation can there be?

Honestly I would just wait until they get in touch again. If they insist you didn't pay them and you can't prove that you did, I think I would probably suck this one up and not use her again.

@SarahAndQuack
Her husband wasn't drunk, she had a night out. Jeez your a judgmental one!

I would triple check as well, it seems VERY unlikely she would lie, knowing you aren't a stranger and are likely to see her again, I think it's way more likely you went to get the money and maybe got distracted or mentioned getting the money and forgot or just dreamed you did and she just didn't dare ask in the moment or maybe you gave her a bill but not the right one and misplaced/lost the bills.

I also think you slightly owe your friend an apology for turning up very drunk to her 16 year old.

What?? Why??

The OP hasn't said she burped and threw up all over her?

Possible explanation is that DD is pretending to mum she hasn't been paid as wants money for so something and she wasn't expecting the mum to message you - now mum has caught her out lying?

Op has replied to the texts saying her dd “must have taken it”. I’d imagine that’s why they haven’t responded again, rather than that the dd has suddenly realised she was mistaken.
They can either keep insisting she hasn’t been paid, or leave it, which they appear to have done.
How embarrassing, op. I really think if you were in a condition that you really can’t be certain you should hand over the money.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I've honestly checked everywhere I can think of that I would have possibly put the money but I can't find it anywhere and two £20 notes don't just lay around my house.

I am frustrated that I didn't get my sober DH to pay her because then we wouldn't be in this problem. I think I will wait until friend replies to see if there has been a misunderstanding between her and her DD. If she insists that I didn't pay then I will probably have to pay the money as I'm fortunately able to afford it, bank transfer so I have proof!!!

Either way, will definitely not be using her again.

Thanks for all your comments!

Hmm. I am slightly judging you for being so drunk you couldn't remember what you were doing - we may all have been there but you should have made sure your DH just got you to bed and dealt with checking on the kids/the babysitter.

Of course she should @SarahAndQuack, because that's what ALL parents do on the odd occasion they are able to get out & get steaming - they arrive home drunk to make sensible decisions.

I also think you slightly owe your friend an apology for turning up very drunk to her 16 year old

OP made sure she had a sober husband in tow i.e. 1 sensible head to share between the couple. Plenty enough for the circumstances.
NDEWSFLASH: 16 year olds are aware that sometimes adults get pissed.
How is your sanctimony helping here? ODFOD.

I doubt she’ll accept another job from you, op, it’s unlikely to be an issue!

Sorry, if you were very drunk, are you sure you didn’t spend it when you were out (that’s why you can’t find the money.)?

Really don't understand some of the responses on this thread ... isn't the whole point of getting a babysitter is so that parents can let loose and enjoy themselves. Something that they wouldn't normally be able to do because of the kids . So what if op had a few drinks.

No I didn't spend it when I was out because we only went to someone's house, DH drove there and back, we didn't go anywhere else

I think the strangest part about this is you getting no replies to your texts.

I wonder if she owes her mum money and should've paid her back but has now spent it?

Definitely stop worrying about it until you get a reply. If it’s still maintained you didn’t pay I would give her the 36 just so you didn’t have to feel embarrassed every time you saw your friend.

Sorry but I will NOT be apologising or being embarrassed about coming home drunk, I understand that this situation is (at least partially) my own fault but I came on here to ask for opinions, not sympathy that I may have lost £40

DH and I agreed before even leaving the house that only one of us would drink, and he said he wasn't bothered so I could. And I did, and has a bloody great nightaside from the missing money.

Do people really not let loose after having kids?

What reply could they make to “it’s not here, she must have taken it”?

I expect babysitter will "find" the money where she forgot she put it and nothing more will be said.

Sounds like DD's mum was expecting her to have money for some reason, and DD doesn't want to admit that the money has been spent on something it shouldn't. So she's lying to her mum.

I would stay out of it. Don't pay them the money again. Don't ask DD to babysit again.

Teenagers lie about stupid things sometimes. Leave the mother and daughter to it.

Oh, and I would ignore the sanctimonious comments about you being drunk. Some people on MN think that once you are a parent you must forever be a martyr and stay sober enough to drive for the rest of your life.

What reply could they make to “it’s not here, she must have taken it”?

Any of several - this is OP's close friend, who presumably can be pretty forthright with her pal.
So something like "DD says you were fumbling with your purse but pretty pissed & then forgot to hand the cash over" for example.

Although I suspect the radio silence may be more to do with the close friend finding out more from DD about what could have happened, & PP's believing it's some teenage malarky may be justified.