Babysitter says I didn't pay?

[richele4]

Not sure if this AIBU but I couldn't find a more suitable title.

Anyway DH and I were invited out, just the two of us, at a house about 10 minutes away. We have two DS 3 and 7 and obviously needed someone to look after them for the 5/6 hours we would be out.

We had never really used a babysitter that wasn't a member of the family (no family available) so I asked around and a close friend of mine said her DD16 would be happy to come round.

DD3 was asleep when babysitter arrived, DD7 was reading and would put himself to bed when he was tired, so babysitter wasn't required to do anything. We gave her snacks and drinks and wifi password etc and agreed to pay her £6/hour which she seemed to be happy with.

I made sure to have cash to pay babysitter in my purse which I took with me. When I returned to the house I was very drunk, DH was not, and I remember checking on both DS and babysitter making sure everything was okay etc. Husband went to the toilet and I paid babysitter £40 as we were out for about 6 hours and I didn't have the change for £36, she was nice so I had no problem giving her a bit extra.

Anyway babysitter went home and DH and I went to bed. Fast forward 2 days and babysitters mum (my friend) sends me a message along the lines of "Hope you had a good night, DD enjoyed looking after your boys and would be happy to do it again if you need.. Do you need her bank details to do a transfer or would it be better for her to come round when it's convenient for you and collect some cash"

Very polite message but now what do I do? DH was in the toilet when I paid her so he can't confirm that I gave her money, he also makes the point that I was very drunk so I could have just forgotten to pay her or imagined that I did (I was very drunk but I definitely remember paying her)...Money is even gone out of my purse and I haven't spent it as I haven't really been out of the house.

I sent back a message thanking friends DD for babysitting and saying I was sure she took the £40 that I gave her and I would look to check she didn't leave it behind. Got no reply. Later messaged to say that there was no sign of the money at my house so friends DD must have taken it. Still no reply.

Just need advice really what would you do? Honest advice please, if you think I made a mistake and didn't pay her then say so as I am happy to give her the money unless I already have done and she's trying to get another £40 off me?

Just frustrated and not sure what to do

@GiveHerHellFromUs its possible the girls is lying, but also that the money went in the bin with a used tissue, etc i wouldn’t risk a friendship over it.

I would say your friend is too embarrassed to reply because she’s realised her DD was chancing it

Maybe she dropped it accidentally on the way home?

I don't think the 16 yo is lying.

I think that is too sophisticated a stunt for a 16 yo to pull- recognising that the OP was drunk and therefore maybe an unreliable memory.
OP you have dropped the money or spent it.

Bloody hell. All you people who are so certain the 16-year-old is a thieving liar: were you like that as teenagers? Amazing that you are more likely to believe a woman so drunk she had memory loss over a sober teenager in a position of trust.

ElbasAbsentPenis

I agree.
I feel sorry for the babysitter.
THe OP has put her is a bad situation.

I think if you remember giving the money then you have .
Tbh if you forgot she would of asked for it or your dh . She wouldn't leave without the money unless one of you said will pay you tomorrow but you had the cash on you .
I think her mum has said have you been paid and she said no , perhaps she's she's spent it and asked her mum for money and she's says well what about the babysitting money and she's lied and said not got it yet .
The fact that no reply to message otherwise she would of replied and said no you didn't pay .
Leave it you've replied unless you get another message.

@ElbasAbsentPenis I personally wasn't like it at 16 but I know a lot of people who are/were. It's not that much of a big leap.

I don't think OP would remember the £4 difference if she hadn't paid it. Unless she mentioned it then just never actually handed the cash over I guess.

I feel sorry for the uptight Amish folk on here that wouldn't even sniff a drink once they've had kids.

The babysitter is chancing it, OP. She's prob panicking about the lie and the mum is now in 2 minds and feels a little silly.

I'd not worry. It's awkward but just stand by the facts! None of the mums business if you were drunk. Her daughter was working for you, effectively, not her.

KaptainKaveman I assume you are looking for a different answer than, teenagers make mistakes, they don't think through their actions? Maybe she didn't realise her Mum would start texting.

I have an almost 17 year old who is very sensib;e, but his friends often do stupid things because they don't see the results of those stupid things. LIke when one girl was texting person A, he doesn't reply because he isn't interested in her. She asks him to his face why he hasn't replied and he says oh you must have my old number. She takes her phone out and rings him. Yep, he didn't see that one coming. Of course his phone rings in his pocket and she waits while he stands there, and waits until he takes it out of his pocket. Lo and behold, it reveals her number on the screen. Ds said they were all killing themselves laughing at him.

I would take the radio silence to mean this has created an awkward situation, maybe she knows her DD lied or maybe she believes you haven't paid. The fact that £40 is missing from your purse tells you you paid her.

Tricky

You can’t R.E.M. and no real proof tho if you you took out £40. Put in purse. Didn’t spend anything at party as at friends home then it’s likely you did pay her

I agree with other posters. Ring her and see what she says.

And I don't believe anyone is saying all 16 year olds lie, we are saying there is the possibility this one did. Have you read the teenagers board on MN?

I would believe them.

I don't think you paid, she will surely be hoping you use her again so why lie? Not all teenagers are shit you know.

Oh give over with all these comments judging OP for being drunk. That’s exactly why she got a babysitter and her husband stayed sober.

Wouldn’t the babysitter have just asked for the money on the night?

Were you really that drunk or are you now questioning your levels of being sober due to this situation?

If you came in and checked kids etc and remember the amount and why you gave the amount I don't understand why you're now saying you were really drunk.

It does sound like babysitter has told mum you didn't pay and mum has contacted you off her own back. Radio silence often speaks volumes.

So the money has gone from your purse?

It's not turned up in the house?

If so, seems most likely that you paid I would have thought.

Do you remember actually handing over the money?

Could she have put it down & your husband moved it?

How did she get home?

I can't believe the judgements on here about the OP having been drunk!

I think the fact that you remember the £36/£40 issue and that there's money missing from your purse is fairly concrete evidence you paid the babysitter.

Wait to see what the mum replies with but it does sound like the DD is either chancing it with you, or it's a badly planned cover story for her mum's benefit as she's already spent the money.

Just stick to the truth and stick to your guns. You paid her, end of story.

If she trusted you enough to send her dd to babysit for you, she must know deep down you're not the kind of person who would lie about having paid her.

And she must know some teenagers do lie about these things. There's really nothing more to do your end - the problem is between them.

As you were very drunk I think you have to trust she didn’t get paid and you imagined doing it or left the money somewhere for her, or dropped it or did something weird with it like put it in a cupboard.

I remember the time I came home very drunk with DH (a decade ago!) and I fell over climbing the stairwell in our communal flats, dropping chips. The next morning we had no memory of it and wondered who had thrown chips all over the stairs and stairwell, until our neighbour told us. We also found the chip carton and half a kebab in our kitchen! Alcohol can cause periods of amnesia or false memories.

I would pay her again, she’s only 16 and it will be a big amount to her. Horrible if she didn’t get the money.

As this is a close friend I think you have to call her and talk about it. Its not something to be dealt with by text and it's not something to lose a friend over.

I think it's likely that daughter owed mum or had promised mum she'd do a certain thing with the cash and then lied when mum asked for it. Daughter probably doesn't know mum was going to contact you and mum is now embarrassed having realised what happened. But talk to your friend.

If daughter sticks to the story, I'd pay again but she wouldn't babysit again.

Goodness, my ds did exactly this last year.

Babysat for a friend of mine. All good. Couple of days later, he asked me for cash, I said 'hang on - you got paid for babysitting, use that!'. He told me he hadn't been paid, but would catch up with my friend ASAP & remind her, I said fine, you do that.

We're expat teachers living in a compound, so ds likely to run into friend several times a week around the compound or at school. Friend is perfectly nice & trustworthy & regularly has ds to babysit. I just assumed she hadn't had change/had had a few & forgot/she & her dh had each thought the other had paid.

Unfortunately for ds, I saw friend first, & said 'oooh apparently you owe ds for babysitting? If you've got it now I'll take it, or he'll probably catch up with you today?'

'Eh?' says friend. 'I paid him on the night?'

Turned out ds had blown the money on something he knew I wouldn't approve of (nothing awful, just something he knows I consider a waste of money).

He'd forgotten to factor this into his thinking when he subsequently asked me for money, & had panicked & lied - thinking that if I ever mentioned it to him again he'd just say yes he'd now been paid, all good...

I was NOT very impressed with him! Silly & unnecessary fib that could've caused an argument.

I think this is quite a likely sort of scenario here too?

OP, didn't you get the money out of your purse whilst you were in your DHs car? If so, it could have fallen in the car or you could have dropped it when you got out, in which case some lucky sod has found it!

Did, not didn't!