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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FIL thinks I’m too ugly and fat for his son.

219 replies

ims0rrydarlin · 15/01/2020 22:59

Just that really.

Was pretty upset about this. Doesn’t really want his Son to marry me because I’m not as attractive as his ex wife.

I’m a size 12-14. Always have looked after myself and considered myself Atleast average on a bad day.

We’re both Asian and families do like to meddle but this really threw me off.

OP posts:
FramingDevice · 15/01/2020 23:00

How has he conveyed his opinion to you?

Notimeforaname · 15/01/2020 23:03

I'm sorry op that's awful. This man obviously has big issues.
What has your partner said about this?

ArcheryAnnie · 15/01/2020 23:05

I get that families are important, but it's not FIL's opinion that matters.

Has your partner told his dad that he's totally out of order? And if not, why not?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/01/2020 23:05

Well why doesn't he bugger off with his sons ex wife then, if he thinks she's such a lark.
I know it's cliche to say this but it's true nonetheless "As long as you're both happy together that's really all that counts"..
FWIW size 12-14 is no where near fat.

notanotherjigsawpiece · 15/01/2020 23:06

How do you know?

AlCalavicci · 15/01/2020 23:07

You would be marring his son not him , tell him to keep his opinions to him self but be aware if you do marry the whole FIL / DIL could be a rocky one with the son / husband getting stuck in the middle

LolaDarkdestroyer · 15/01/2020 23:08

Mmm did your other half tell you that?....

UYScuti · 15/01/2020 23:09

What makes him think that his opinion is of any consequence?

TheYearOfTheDog · 15/01/2020 23:09

Yes, did your husband to be tell you that.

Tell him your mum thinks he's negging.

Smellbellina · 15/01/2020 23:11

As he won’t be shagging you how’s it relevant? And who the hell told you this seriously unneeded piece of information? I have no idea of FIL deems me shaggable, I presume not, it adds to our comfortable relationship that is fuck all to do with sex

SandyY2K · 15/01/2020 23:15

Did FIL tell you this directly?

If your DP told you, then I would actually not marry him.

Firstly because it's so horrible and he should put his dad straight and because I question how he thinks this information would benefit you.

Original poster
ims0rrydarlin · 15/01/2020 23:19

My partner told me this.
So in our culture families only meet when things are really serious with the intent to marry.

He proposed to me on my birthday with his family fully aware. Met his mum and sister and we all liked each other and got on really well.

He’s spoken to his dad about coming to meet my dad and fix a date (cultural tradition) but his dad doesn’t want his son to marry me. He’s worried his extended family will see me as a downgrade when there are girls in Pakistan and here for him to marry.

My partner is a divorcee. His sister who is stick thin is also a divorcee. Oh and because I wear makeup it means I’m ugly.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 15/01/2020 23:22

But does your partner tell you you're beautiful? He must think this, if he wants to marry you...

DickDewy · 15/01/2020 23:24

How strange that your partner told you what had been said.

Very unkind of him. That alone would put me off.

SaferToNameChange · 15/01/2020 23:24

I’m white, ex husband is Asian.

I was married to him for over 10 years and the amount of derogatory comments I heard about new brides over those years was vile.

Comments were about skin tone, facial features, height, weight where the family is from/lives in the relative’s country (closer to the capital was more desirable), education (too much and she was up herself, not enough then she’s dumb and background with scandals (any boyfriends or family scandals).

Notimeforaname · 15/01/2020 23:25

His father is ugly on the inside, that's for sure.

moggiek · 15/01/2020 23:26

Your partner is NOT the man for you, I'm afraid. Time to move on.

TatianaLarina · 15/01/2020 23:27

Why on earth would he tell you that?

MumW · 15/01/2020 23:28

I think that how your partner deals with his DF is key here. Use that to inform you as to whether you think DP is good enough for you.

If DP can't/won't have your back now then, realistically, things are only going to get worse.

Flowers
IdiotInDisguise · 15/01/2020 23:29

He told you his dad said that??? Talk about a shit stirrer. Honestly dear, you are not too ugly or too fat, you are too god to marry into that family.

Remember, like father... like son

Original poster
ims0rrydarlin · 15/01/2020 23:30

He told me because it’s a no from his dad to come meet my dad. He said he wanted to be honest about the reasoning as to why his dad said no and is unhappy to go ahead.

I was due to go to view a venue tomorrow as were long distant but I was free to go. Going to cancel that in the morning.

OP posts:
Bananacloud · 15/01/2020 23:31

Your partner sounds like a fuckin prick

wildcherries · 15/01/2020 23:32

Why did your DP think it was a good idea to tell you this? I'd be wary of that and wonder just how much influence FIL has over his son. It could be just the start of marrying a man, who won't have your back.

SummerBreezemakesmefeelfine · 15/01/2020 23:34

Only you can decide if you want to marry this man. If I were you there would be massive red flags. Do you really want to spend your married life being criticised in this way by other family members?

AlexaShutUp · 15/01/2020 23:38

So are you saying the wedding is off because your prospective FIL doesn't approve?

If your partner is willing to accept that, I think you might be better off without him anyway.Flowers

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