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Original poster

FIL thinks I’m too ugly and fat for his son.

219 replies

ims0rrydarlin · 15/01/2020 22:59

Just that really.

Was pretty upset about this. Doesn’t really want his Son to marry me because I’m not as attractive as his ex wife.

I’m a size 12-14. Always have looked after myself and considered myself Atleast average on a bad day.

We’re both Asian and families do like to meddle but this really threw me off.

OP posts:
beethebee · 15/01/2020 23:39

I wouldn’t marry someone who told me that. No way.

StoneofDestiny · 15/01/2020 23:41

Your partner has already been married and still allows his dad to inspect, insult and ultimately select his future wife?
Culture my ass.
He is obviously immature and unsuitable to marry! Dump him.

Original poster
ims0rrydarlin · 15/01/2020 23:42

He said he needs to convince his dad about me. Not sure how he’s going to convince his dad to approve of my face and body.

I always thought I was attractive, very fashion forward and my partner has never complained. But he should have defended me.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/01/2020 23:42

So his dad won’t meet your dad and does not approve of the match. Where does you fiancé go from here? What’s the plan?

Livingoncake · 15/01/2020 23:42

Oh, sweetie. If you marry this man, his father will make your life a misery and your spineless partner will do nothing to protect you.

Generally, when people say they’re “just being honest”, it’s code for “I know I’m saying something hurtful, but you can’t be mad at me because I’m being honest.”

Do you really want a life in which all of your perceived shortcomings are pointed out to you, preceded by the words “My dad says...”?
I hope not, because you deserve so much better.

AlwaysThinkingOfNames · 15/01/2020 23:43

Your partner should have old his dad to fuck off (more nicely if he wanted to be polite). If he didn't defend you, then he is a grade A twat himself and does not deserve you
. My advice is free: Don't marry into this family. You are worth so, so much more than this.

FramingDevice · 15/01/2020 23:43

Surely you’re not happy with marrying into a family that thinks it’s normal to discuss women as if they were prize cattle at an agricultural show? Other than helpfully passing on his father’s comments, what is your supposed future husband saying or doing about this?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/01/2020 23:43

Cross post, he’s got it all wrong. You deserve better than someone trying to persuade their dickhead father to accept you.

TimeForPlentyIn2020 · 15/01/2020 23:45

Wow! I hope your partner makes you feel beautiful and made it clear he thinks his dad is being ridiculous. Anything else and he might not be the best person for you.

Thestrangestthing · 15/01/2020 23:46

How good looking is your dp?

FramingDevice · 15/01/2020 23:47

Cross-post. This is an unbelievably objectifying, misogynistic situation. Have you asked him how he would feel if your mother said you could do way better than his mono brow, moobs and bald spot? Or if you sighed and said you’d have to work on convincing your extended family to accept him despite his cellulite and jug ears?

MsPepperPotts · 15/01/2020 23:52

It looks as though his father has the last say on who his son marries.
He is not going to be able to convince his father to change his mind any time soon and it seems as though it will lead to major consequences for your whole future together.
I am sure your own father must be really shocked at this man's refusal to meet him speaks volumes about how the function as a family.

You deserve a lot better than this from a future husband and his family.
You are set for a life of misery if you stay with him. Flowers

mantlepiece · 15/01/2020 23:53

This is probably why he is divorced. Ex fled for the hills.

wildcherries · 15/01/2020 23:55

No way would I want to marry into a family like that. Even if his dad 'accepts you', imagine the sly digs constantly. What if you have children, and FIL are hideous to them?

SisterAgatha · 15/01/2020 23:55

Don’t marry this guy. What will they be saying about your daughters in 10 years time. They are a family of pigs.

wildcherries · 15/01/2020 23:56

*is hideous to them

UYScuti · 15/01/2020 23:59

Tell him that his father is too arrogant and domineering and you don't want to be related to him so sayonara, we're done sweet cheeks

scubadive · 16/01/2020 00:00

Stay well clear of a family like that. Nothing but trouble ahead, arguments where your partner would be torn between family and you and probably choose family.

RUN

windycuntryside · 16/01/2020 00:03

Have you told your fil that you want to marry his son and that there is no marriage proposal for him so it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t find you suitable.

BoomBoomsCousin · 16/01/2020 00:04

But he should have defended me.

This is the most relevant bit of your posts. Not that the rest is immaterial. It's just that I really think you need to absorb the fact that your partner isn't just OK hearing this from his dad, he wants to appease his dad rather than you. What does that say to you about his view of your relationship for the next 20, 40, 60+ years?

ineedaholidaynow · 16/01/2020 00:06

Is divorce part of their culture too?

katy1213 · 16/01/2020 00:09

So your fiancé - instead of telling his father to speak of you with respect or not at all - is going along with his father's benighted ideas? Okay, can understand paying lip service to cultural traditions - parents meeting to discuss a date - but he's marrying you in this country in the 21st century!
Perhaps tell him that your family think a divorcé is no great shakes either?

HannaYeah · 16/01/2020 00:10

Att the very least he should never have repeated that to you.

HeIenaDove · 16/01/2020 00:12

I think your FIL is vile

And i think your partner is testing you to see how much emotional abuse you are willing to accept.

ivykaty44 · 16/01/2020 00:14

If his father has the last say then it’s best not to ruin the day

It’ll not work out as the culture isn’t going to allow for a happy marriage as looks are important to them (looks are in the eye of the beholder)