FIL thinks I’m too ugly and fat for his son.

[ims0rrydarlin]

Just that really.

Was pretty upset about this. Doesn’t really want his Son to marry me because I’m not as attractive as his ex wife.

I’m a size 12-14. Always have looked after myself and considered myself Atleast average on a bad day.

We’re both Asian and families do like to meddle but this really threw me off.

@HeIenaDove I think you're spot on and I wish I had you for advice years ago!

And i think your partner is testing you to see how much emotional abuse you are willing to accept.

This, what HelenaDove stated.

Please don't marry this man. You deserve way better.

Poor show from your DP for not defending you against his misogynistic wanker of a dad.
I couldn’t marry into a family like that.

And i think your partner is testing you to see how much emotional abuse you are willing to accept.

Nailed it.

He doesn’t need to convince his dad about you, he needs to tell his dad that he is a nasty bastard who is judging (very harshly) by appearance. And that he needs to think about being a decent human being because his personality is very ugly.

‘Culture’ doesn’t give people the right to be shitty to others. He seems like his a mean twat, excusing himself with culture.

Or send a text saying, no problem, my dad doesn’t want to meet you now, having learnt what a cunt you are.

It’s very telling that instead of telling his dad to fuck off, your fiancé told YOU that dad would need to be convinced. He’s appeasing his dad and putting you in the wrong.

Your FIL is a bully, and your fiancé is watching it happen without stepping in, which makes him just as bad.

Oh, and men who won’t stand up to their parents are pathetic. You are too decent to settle for such a weakling.

Interesting that this man is comparing you to his EX wife. I wonder if she left him because he was so vile.

I agree with PP's, step back from this and tell your fiancé that YOU need time to think things over as you weren't expecting to be treated this way by him and his family. He needs to stand up for you big-time or he's not worth having.

Sadly I think you will set yourself up for a life time of such comments if you agree to marry him. Coming from a similar start I found it then starts to seep into your partner and they start thinking less of you as a result too. Fact he isn't taking a stand and siding with you but instead tells you these hurtful, belittling things is appalling and telling.

So he won’t marry you until he’s convinced his Dad to accept you? Why are you still here? Run.

I wouldn't marry into any family where someone was going to talk to me like that.

So at best his dad said this and your partner is cool with it and a total dumbass who thinks its appropriate to tell you what his father said. At worst, his dad didn't say any such thing but he wants you to think he did so that you start to feel 'not good enough' (testing the level of head fuckery you will tolerate).

Its more likely to be the later. I mean no one is that dense surely that they would tell you their father thinks you aren't as hot as their ex wife.

Either way though, your partner isn't good enough for you.

I'd march straight round to my step fathers and give him what for. Then I'd tell them I had no interest marrying into their toxic family anyway.

You cannot marry a man from such an ignorant family. That is the only message that you need to convey.

It would seem that you have had a lucky escape! Don't doubt yourself for one second.

I'd tell the partner the fathers ugly behaviour supported by him has made you realise you are too good for him and you are taking your good body and character and moving on fast.

If he loved you he’d either make his father tow the line or elope. Quite frankly he’s damaged goods anyway (I come from a similar background so I’d know). Unless he married below himself for a visa he would only be able to reasonably expect a downgrade so I don’t understand why his father is taking issue anyway.

Message to fil and son.

Me and my family do not wish to be associated with those who refuse to follow cultural tradition. Followed by two fingers.

He sounds a shitbag, and his dad sounds vile!

If you marry this man, his father will make your life a misery and your spineless partner will do nothing to protect you.

This. And all the other comments about him testing you.

Walk away. Tell him you've decided his family isn't good enough for you. Tell him your mum agrees and thinks you can do much much better (and you can)

Tell him that you will not marry him as his father is a lowlife and not up to the standard of your family values so you don't want him to be part of your family.

Tell him he can he can relay that message to him.

I would be annoyed that my partner told me what his dad said, common sense would tell you not to tell somebody this.

Your partner is a spineless git at best or a deeply manipulative individual- either way lucky escape.

I am guessing this is only one of many future judgements coming your way from this man. Are you able to handle a lifetime of such comments?

I think I would finish with him just for telling me what his father said, or if indeed it was the dad!

You should send you future FIL a thank you card, he has feed you from a lifetime with someones else cast off who obviously can’t stand up to his dad!
Maybe this is a sign that things weren’t supposed to be.
I know that won’t help your hurt feelings. I wish you well xx

Both your dp and his dsis are divorcees because their father is a meddling fool.
Find someone better, preferably a man with a backbone and a father with manners.