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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FIL thinks I’m too ugly and fat for his son.

219 replies

ims0rrydarlin · 15/01/2020 22:59

Just that really.

Was pretty upset about this. Doesn’t really want his Son to marry me because I’m not as attractive as his ex wife.

I’m a size 12-14. Always have looked after myself and considered myself Atleast average on a bad day.

We’re both Asian and families do like to meddle but this really threw me off.

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 16/01/2020 11:49

@Missteebeee my point exactly.
It's horrible that numerous posters are using his fertility issues to have a dig at him. He has lots of flaws and sounds like a massive twat - his medical issues are not the thing people should be using against him. It's nasty.

ScrambledEggsOnToast1 · 16/01/2020 11:50

Why would you want to marry into this? I know it’s the culture thing the families deciding whether you are good enough etc and we aren’t meant to comment as it’s “culture” but it’s 2020 and this is just backwards! Why would your father in law need to judge your looks, it isn’t him having the relationship or sex with you, I don’t get it? Sounds like they are treating you like a piece of property, makes me cringe.

I’d run like the wind and marry someone outside your culture/religion it has no place today if this is how the men behave and treat women.

dubmumof2 · 16/01/2020 11:51

OP

I think you really do have a DP problem here. When you say " never gets tired of telling me how much I mean to him and how I complete him" does he ever compliment you, talk to you about your good qualities or does all his positivity about you relate to how you make him feel or make him better?

If he did often point out your good points you would (a) be reassured that he didn't share his father's views because you would be secure in that knowledge before this came up; and (b) would have a sense that this relationship was worth fighting for because he valued you as a person and not just how you shore up his (maybe damaged) sense of self-worth?

If he has never made you feel good about yourself in a way that doesn't revolve around making him feel better.....then you may very well have dodged a bullet here.....

BumbleBeee69 · 16/01/2020 11:56

Please OP.. do not continue in any way with this relationship.. look at what this has done to your ego, your inner self is now doubting your beauty ... your appearance... You are a beautiful person and this man has by default crushed you... Please... leave him. Flowers

UYScuti · 16/01/2020 12:16

I agree it's bad that they are using his fertility issues against him however, OP is being treated as if she is a piece of property, evaluated in terms of how much of an asset she is just based on on her appearance so it seems reasonable to also consider him in the same terms and he is not that much of an asset is he

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2020 12:23

I know some people will dismiss this as woo etc, but your partner’s infertility could be seen as being for a reason-to stop this genetic line from continuing, for what sounds like a good reason....

Fuck me. Honestly, I thought I'd read it all over the years on MN but that totally takes the batshittery award.

Again, can you imagine how that might make infertile posters feel, or those married to infertile men? Angry

Sceptre86 · 16/01/2020 12:27

Depends how much family opinions are important to you. What are the chances that you will be living with the in laws after marriage? I would think twice about pursuing this relationship if I were you. Best of luck x

YasssKween · 16/01/2020 12:28

I agree it's bad that they are using his fertility issues against him however, OP is being treated as if she is a piece of property, evaluated in terms of how much of an asset she is just based on on her appearance so it seems reasonable to also consider him in the same terms and he is not that much of an asset is he

His dad / him being awful to OP doesn't excuse people being awful about his infertility.

Two wrongs don't make a right and infertility is a heartbreaking issue for so many people. It's not even an issue I've been through myself and I've found it really upsetting reading the nasty comments on here about it.

Your post is basically saying infertility makes someone less of an "asset", in a snidey mean way. Someone could say as he is infertile, does she feel their relationship is strong and supportive enough to go through infertility together as it's so tough.

Not take the piss out of him and my god actually saying that it's nature stopping someone from creating another generation because they're not very nice.

People can arse cover all they want on this one but the comments would never have been made about a woman's infertility no matter how much of a dickhead she was.

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2020 12:31

People can arse cover all they want on this one but the comments would never have been made about a woman's infertility no matter how much of a dickhead she was.

Yep!

BumbleBeee69 · 16/01/2020 13:33

OP are you okay ? Flowers

lubeybooby · 16/01/2020 13:41

I presume he's male perfection and Mr Vogue or Mr Universe right? internationally renowned as the authority on fitness and looks? No?

Tell him he's too ugly and fat for his wife/this world/asda take your pick

CF in the highest

StoneofDestiny · 16/01/2020 16:10

I do believe his Dad said this because I remember he would always ask him for ‘full length’ photos

UGH 🤮Run away from this. The man you intend to marry gives a full length picture of you to his father so he can examine your shape/size/appearance.

Wow - you are seriously undervaluing yourself if you allow this.

DocusDiplo · 17/01/2020 07:52

Don't buy into the dumb culture OP. I am Asian too. Not all.Asians are backward. Find someone kind who you have no doubts about. Fat*
people can find love too...

  • Not saying you are fat it's just it was in your OP Flowers
MummyJasmin · 17/01/2020 15:44

OP, hope you'ew ok Flowers

Ladymadonna31 · 17/01/2020 16:07

@JudgeRindersMinder that is a disgusting and cruel thing to say.

Ladymadonna31 · 17/01/2020 16:14

Wow, a lot of the posters on this thread are disgusting. My wonderful DH is infertile and I would never let him read something like this where people are belittling a man for something he has no control over. ‘Firing blanks’ etc. What nasty small minded little people you are.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/01/2020 16:48

I agree that mocking/ deriding this man for his infertility is dreadful.

However, he is still a manipulative bumhole with daddy issues.

IdblowJonSnow · 17/01/2020 16:54

I'd run a mile from this family. Its sexist, old fashioned shit you just don't need.
I personally would want a husband who told his dad to nob off in those circumstances and not to have passed those comments on to me in the first place.

Sockmonster23 · 17/01/2020 18:08

Red flags. Take it from someone who has left an emotionally abusive and narcisisitic man and his equally bad mother. I an now fighting to keep my kids. Don't do it. That's so petty to even bring up that I would be worried about having kids with him as to what extent their family would ruin them also. Run

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