Mumsnet threads you know the answer to before you even open them

[daddyorchipsdaddyorchips]

You know, the ones that ask a question on the thread and you know full well the answer before you've even clicked through.

Should I leave him? - Yes. Run for the fucking hills

DH says this is all in my head, is it? - No. He's a cunt

Is this normal in a relationship? - No, definitely not. And don't let him make you think it is either

Should I text him or leave it? Leave it. But we know you won't. Come back again tomorrow when he's ignored you again

Should we separate? Without a doubt

Are these red flags? North Korea, mate.

What are yours?

[wheresmymouseorgan]

OP posts in AIBU. She is SAHM and is annoyed that her DP does absolutely no domestic tasks and sits playing on his phone evening whilst she does everything. When he does do something to 'help' her he makes a crap job of it and she has to clean up after him.

40%- LTB
40%- How does he know he should do something unless you specifically ask him? You should make a list of all the jobs that need doing and allocate some to him. Start with something easy and break it down in to easy steps for him.
10%- But he is at work all day and you are at home so you should do everything- what are you doing all day? When my quads were babies I ran a successful business from home, completed a degree course and renovated our house with my own hand woven fabrics. Why not get up an hour earlier so you can get some tasks done before everyone else wakes up?
5%- FFS, he is a grown adult and should be pulling his weight. Speak to him.
5%- get a cleaner and have a spa day

[ShatnersWig]

Should I have a third/fourth/fifth child? (insert any number above two)

[katzenellenbogen]

For the past 2 years I have been getting up at 6am 5 days a week and driving 30 miles to pick up someone that I don't like in order to get them to their job on time.

They file their nails/clip their toenails/pick their nose in the car and have never offered me a penny for petrol. She often asks me to make a detour on the way home for shopping or other errands. Some days I don't get home until 7pm.

Would it be OK to cut the lifts down to maybe twice a week? I am worried she may lose her job?

The later drip feed will say that the OP is actually a SAHM and is paying for childcare while she is off giving these lifts.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

AIBU to sleep train my 18m old who wakes 20 times a night?
Majority - omg you are damaging your helpless baby. Why don't you co-sleep/fees them to sleep until they are 5?
Minority - hell yes you wont regret it.

[GnomeDePlume]

I am thinking about starting my baby on solids

99% This is fine
1% OMG, No! This is cruelty! I ExBF and wore my precious child until they were 228 months old and went off to university. If they have a cold I go into lectures to BF them to sleep. How else can I ensure they grow up to be well nourished and independent?

I think my primary school aged DC is ready for the next level of reading book, should I raise this at the Parent/Teacher meeting next week?

Answers 1-5: Yes of course (while privately wondering what else they were going to talk about at the meeting, the weather?)

Answer 6: Huh, another teacher bashing thread!

[pineing]

"Am I being too sensitive?" = No, he's horrible.

"What's this plant? (pic)" = It's a insert really commpn plant name here

"So annoyed, teacher was rude to my dc" = I think you'll find your dc was being a little shit and got told off.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Well that’s pretty much Mumsnet in a nutshell.

[TheMemoryLingers]

• 10.01.2020 21:30 - Handhold needed! I've found pictures of another woman on DH's phone
  

• (Everyone) LTB. Get your ducks in a row.
  

• 10.01.2020 21:45 - Right, he's admitted everything and I've thrown him out.
  

• (Everyone) Well done! Lawyer up OP!
  

• 10.01.2020 22:00 - I've now moved to Australia and gone NC with my STBX
  

• (Everyone) Rooting for you OP!
  

• 10.01.2020 - 22:30 - I've met the love of my life and we're expecting twins.
  

• (Everyone) Yay!

[ChristmassySpice]

OMG! What Is This? (Cue pic of a common weed, moth, rash, mild household damp condition)
A quick google confirms exactly what it is.

A bit like why I'm not on Facebook anymore - because every parent I know posts questions about when kids go back, when is the Summer Fayre etc. Despite the fact the info is on the school website, they get a letter well in advance detailing said info and... and... the school always sends a text reminder! Fucking Hell man, it's not that hard is it?

Similarly on SM - OMG Do not buy oranges. They have been injected with HIV blood and apparently it's all the work of the

Err, no. They are just Blood Oranges. And HIV cannot be spread that way. Never mind the rest of your awful and racist post. And I used to reply. Only to be met with "can't be too careful!" Because heaven forbid they admit to being arseholes.

Sorry... I digress.

[Livebythecoast]

@TheMemoryLingers - that made me chuckle!.

Some of these are so funny and so true (Well with a bit of exaggeration!)

[DianaT1969]

My arm just fell off and is splurting blood. Should I go to A&E? I hate to bother them and feel such a fraud in hospitals.

50% of MN 'Get yourself to A&E now! This is very serious. You could die from blood loss'.

50% of MN 'How dare you waste NHS resources on this. Don't even think about calling an ambulance. Paracetamol and a squirt of zoflora will your GP can see you in 3 weeks time.

[HerRoyalFattyness]

Paracetamol and a squirt of zoflora

[PerpendicularVincent]

Should I give up my job to spend more time with my children?

49% of posters: yes hun stay at home and be a yummy mummy. I didn't have children only for someone else to look after them

49% of posters: Staying at home is lazy and leaves you open to financial abuse.

2% of sensible posters screaming into the abyss: do what's right for you and your family. How would it affect your career prospects and how old are your DC?

[OvenGlovesWillTearUsApart]

ChristmassySpice

For the love of Christ, it’s a HORNET MIMIC HOVERFLY. You’re welcome.

[blackice]

Best thread on MN in a very, very long time

[KatharinaRosalie]

• How much do you earn and how did you get there?

• My DH..

[Buster72]

"Is this racist?"
45% yes it is the most racist thing ever and anyone who does that needs to be locked up
45% not at all perfectly normal
10% I've still got my golliwog from when I was a girl.

[LolaSmiles]

"Is this racist?"
45% yes it is the most racist thing ever and anyone who does that needs to be locked up
45% not at all perfectly normal
10% I've still got my golliwog from when I was a girl.

And at least 3 posters who will insist that X isn't racist at ball because their black/Muslim/Irish..friend is totally fine with it.

[ChristmassySpice]

OvenGlovesWillTearUsApart

Totally right!

I'm so surprised that this thread hasn't had more posts. It's so spot on (sadly!) especially the racist shit. Most of the more 'popular' posts in the last couple of months seem to have been trolls.

[TheMemoryLingers]

"I arranged to buy some garden furniture from someone I found through Facebook. After viewing it I gave her a cheque for £100 and agreed to collect it tomorrow. I then paid £30 cash to a local man with a van to pick it up for me. She's now messaged me saying she can't sell the garden furniture after all because she's giving it to her niece. I've cancelled the £100 cheque but the man with the van tells me the £30 cash is non refundable. AIBU to ask the seller to cover the £30?"

• Cancel the cheque, OP.
  
• Cancel the cheque.
  
• Just cancel the cheque
  
• Ring your bank ASAP and cancel the cheque
  
• Make sure you cancel the cheque
  

"Just to be clear, I have cancelled the £100 cheque. It's the £30 CASH for the van that I can't get back'.

• Cancel the £30 cheque you gave to the van man, OP.
  
• Cancel the cheque
  
• Cancel both cheques, OP.