Mumsnet threads you know the answer to before you even open them

[daddyorchipsdaddyorchips]

You know, the ones that ask a question on the thread and you know full well the answer before you've even clicked through.

Should I leave him? - Yes. Run for the fucking hills

DH says this is all in my head, is it? - No. He's a cunt

Is this normal in a relationship? - No, definitely not. And don't let him make you think it is either

Should I text him or leave it? Leave it. But we know you won't. Come back again tomorrow when he's ignored you again

Should we separate? Without a doubt

Are these red flags? North Korea, mate.

What are yours?

"He just not into me is he?

No he fucking isn't.

“My DH is a perfect father and husband. My only problem is that he insults me on a daily basis and is mean to put child. What should I do? In every other way he’s a great dad and partner”

No, he isn’t ffs.

My DP spends all his money on weed.
Well it's no worse than alcohol!

AIBU to think I'm in an impossible situation, we have tried ABCDEFG and WXYZ aren't possible because (gives reasons).

I haven't RTHT but why are you posting when you haven't tried A through Z? Come back in a year when you have.

"AIBU to like this food/film/TV show/song?"

No, if you like it then that's ok. FFS!

"AIBU to think…"
"AIBU to ask..."
"AIBU to believe this?"

JUST PUT THE PROPER SUBJECT IN THE TITLE!

Watching with interest... Just press the bookmark tab!
Should I leave him..... Yes.
My child is a little bullying shit.... Be compassionate he might have an undiagnosed SEN.
I hate my mil.... She hates you more.
Grandparents provide free childcare 90 hours a week but gave dc half a chocolate button should I say anything.... Yes, say thank you and pay for your own childcare.
Can I have a handhold.... No.
I only have £20 to last till 2021... Join the club
My child fell over am I the worst parent ever... Yes but because you're neurotic not coz they fell.

I fear this thread has brought out the worst in me 🤣

I seem to have opened a door to inner rage here. I love it.

What about...

Is he having an affair? Always yes. No exceptions.

Is he using me? Well, if you have to ask...

"Screaaaaaaaaaaaaam. What is this hideous thing in my kitchen. Should I burn the house down ?'

Answers "OMG what the hell is that ? Kill it. Fumigate your children. Call in pest control. Burn all your linens. Get tested for STDs."
"there should have been a trigger warning for that photo"
"It's bed bug/giant cockroach/ tsetse fly/vampire bat/anaconda. - call the police"

"Could I be pregnant? I haven't taken a pregnancy test and can't get to the shop until tomorrow/next week/June, but I have a bit of a funny tummy and my head was sort of odd this morning, you know, not like a headache but more dizzy but not quite that strong, and I keep sneezing, and I feel a bit bloated and I've definitely put on 0.2lbs, and my skin has got a bit odd like it used to do before my period when I was 15-17. I am 2dpo and we DTD last week. Could I be?????"

well you COULD be, yes.

'My husband is horrible to me all the time'
'Have you considered that he could be autistic / depressed / have social anxiety...?'

Also 'My 26 year old DC has got a job for the first time ever but wants me to drive them the 2 hour journey there and pick them up every day because otherwise they'll have to wait 7 minutes for a bus. Am I a bad parent not to want to do this?'

I've been dieting for a month and haven't lost weight. I don't know why....

Am I overreacting? I walked in on my husband having sex with my mum. He says he slipped and fell in. I literally haven't reacted at all.

99% You're not overreacting. You should probably react.
1% Opposite sex people can be friends you know, don't be so paranoid. I'm falling over onto my colleague's penis right now and have done every Friday night for the last 3 years. There's nothing sexual about it. Grow up.

My best friend of a gazillion years is getting married on the other side of the world this summer. We really can't afford the expense and it's a 'no kids' wedding and we have no family or friends (we're NC with everyone) to look after our 8 children so will have to leave them with the next door neighbours for a week. Aibu if we don't go?

50% What a shit friend you are. She's your bestie, you must go.
49% no, sod that.
1% you have 8 kids?!

"I'm a stepmum who met my DH 5 years after he separated from his children's mother..."

"Were you the OW?"
"Yes you should help pay for them/drop all your plans at a moment's notice/do the school runs and be happy about it but you are not their mother so mind your own business"
"YABU"

My partner of 4 years gets on really well with my kids...

OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU INTRODUCING THIS MAN TO YOUR CHILDREN SO EARLY ON IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP 4 YEARS IS NOTHING HAVE YOU DONE A DBS CHECK HE COULD BE A PAEDO OR A MURDERER WHY ARE YOU PUTTING THIS DREADFUL MAN BEFORE YOUR KIDS

My boyfriend of 6 weeks...

HE IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND IF YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN TOGETHER 6 WEEKS

I have a hairy vagina..

I THINK YOU MEAN VULVA HAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID

Also a big shout out to people who think the problem of an abusive partner can be solved by changing the locks.

It's all the pregnancy ones where people post a picture of their test stick and ask if there's a line. There clearly isn't, but everyone posts and says yes of course, congratulations. I'm not mean enough to rain on the parade and say no of course there's not a second line, but I don't post at all.

I'm going to buy a puppy.........
It's a something "poo"
All hell breaks loose.....

Should I rehome this dog/cat/lizard?

Then it really does go nuclear!

We're getting a puppy next weekend. We've done our research on breed and have found a reputable breeder. Any advice to settle them in at homd?

You're promoting puppy farms and animal cruelty. Call the so called breeder to cancel and go to a rescue to get a dog that isn't the breed you want that may not fit into your family life or have the right temperament

"We've just booked a bargain holiday in Spain, it's our first family holiday in 15 years and I am so excited! Has anyone ever been?"

• I go to a luxury villa in Tuscany for the whole summer. You should go there, it only costs £2,676,222 a day.

• OP don't you even care about your children, you are deliberately poisoning the whole planet for them

- I have a weekend in November in the cowshit ridden field out the back of Sellafield in a tent with no roof and I enjoy it! You are just stealthboasting OP

...And I WENT NUCLEAR on them and PULLED THEM UP and STORMED OUT!

Short answer: "Yes" ... with an "if".

Long answer: "No" ... with a "but".

I've found a secret room or a locked safe, there's no one here and the key holder is out for hours....
F
Placemarking
F
Oh how lovely
Shameless place mark
F
You could just watch the thread y'know
OP are you there?

Many hours pass......

There's nothing in the box/room.

Asking MNetters what they think of XXX (usually totally ludicrous) as a name for a baby....