Mumsnet threads you know the answer to before you even open them

[daddyorchipsdaddyorchips]

You know, the ones that ask a question on the thread and you know full well the answer before you've even clicked through.

Should I leave him? - Yes. Run for the fucking hills

DH says this is all in my head, is it? - No. He's a cunt

Is this normal in a relationship? - No, definitely not. And don't let him make you think it is either

Should I text him or leave it? Leave it. But we know you won't. Come back again tomorrow when he's ignored you again

Should we separate? Without a doubt

Are these red flags? North Korea, mate.

What are yours?

[wheresmymouseorgan]

OP: Asks a question about affordable holiday destinations with 3/4 children.
MN-1) We have 6 DC and take them out of school every year for a week abroad for 50p each- we hire a cottage and book flights the nonosecond they are released. [ignores OP's comment that they can only go in school holidays[
2) Not possible to have a tolerable holiday other than in a 5* hotel, costing £10,000 plus spending money- but it's important to us so we do without takeaways all year and can pay for it easily!
3) Flying is so bad for the environment- the only option is camping in the UK- what could be more relaxing than a week in a tent in the rain with 4 children?

[BuzzShitbagBobbly]

"My husband works away and he never tells me when or where, he is just gone some days and then turns up again 3 weeks later. I don't speak to him once during that time. AIBU to ask him to let me know?"

OMG you are so controlling OP! I have been married 27 years and I have seen my husband for precisely 43 minutes of that. I don't even know what his job is, let alone where he goes each day. I wouldn't dream of ever phoning him at work, not even in an emergency. I am blissfully happy because I trust my husband, don't you?

[AJPTaylor]

Line eyes needed.

Just take a test at the actual time that a test will work, rather than test every day since you had sex.

[AJPTaylor]

And "how much are your mortgage payments"
The answer will always be "irrelevant to you"
There then follows a humblebrag usually along the lines of " we own our house outright but will have to get a mortgage to move and I can't sleep for worry."

[Golfcart]

(3am) "So I was just at the mall with the other moms and DS slipped on a butter cookie and hurt his leg, we don't have good health insurance what should I do I have no $$"

"You are clearly a troll, nobody goes shopping at night, why don't you take him to A&E the NHS is FREE you know..."

[Scarsthelot]

My period is due in a week but I feel sick.

I did a test and it said negative. Anyone had this?


Yes...I was ill.

[Livebythecoast]

What do you think of the name Walnut for my baby?
99% MN - don't be so fucking ridiculous.
1% - I quite like it - boy or girl?

[PerpendicularVincent]

Is this thing racist or cultural appropriation?
Yes it is.
No it absolutely isn't.
Did I tell you that Kim Kardashian had her hair in braids?
Yes it is you dick.
No it isn't.
Kim Kardashian had her hair in braids once.

Someone rang my doorbell at 2am.
Why didn't you answer it, you could have saved someone who was being attacked by lion?!
Get a ring doorbell.
Repeat x 1000

[LolaSmiles]

(insert story about starting periods / going to the toilet at school)
Has anyone else had this? I'm so angry I want to complain to the school.

10% of people - YANBU / call ofsted / demand a meeting / school frothyness
40% of people - YANBU (insert stories about accidents here in various amounts of detail)
50% of people - hello toilet troll / this is your reminder to be careful before sharing stories about bodily functions

[pleasebeafleabite]

Moving from London to Manchester, looking for good transport links into the city centre, with a trendy vibe and independent shops and cafes. Was thinking of altrincham or cheadle?

“Move to Horsforth OP. Only a 2 hour commute to Piccadilly”

Apologies to the southerners amongst you

[HerRoyalFattyness]

My partner's a knob head and ignores me constantly.

He probably has Asperger's so YABU.

[DeltaFlyer]

I despair at some of the most 'helpful' replies.

What can I buy at Aldi? - no idea I only shop at Waitrose
Did you enjoy this film/tv show? - I've never seen it
Which pair of shoes do you prefer? - I don't wear shoes
Can I live in this potential new house with this one flaw? - I am a courgette and therefore have no opinion
Which seaside is nicest for a family holiday? I don't like the seaside, or holidays or my family

Why even bother replying?

[Olliephaunt4eyes]

"Is this manky?"

50% - "yes, it disgusting. I clean my bed linen daily, iron my knickers, and my children have never worn the same PJs twice and it only really takes a few minutes to clean the grouting daily with a tooth brush. If you don't do this you are unhygienic"

50% - "don't be daft! I haven't changed my bed sheets since 1974"

[isabellerossignol]

That reminds me of the threads where people declare that everyone who doesn't wash in exactly the same way that they do absolutely stink.

So if you bath instead of shower, or shower at night instead of the morning, or in the morning instead of at night, or use shower gel instead of soap, or soap instead of shower gel, then YOU are the smelly person on the bus. Now personally I'd think it more likely that the smelly people on the bus are the ones who haven't washed at all, but apparently not to the collective bloodhound noses of mumsnet.

[Russellbrandshair]

A recent one was:
Are you cutting down on flying for the sake of the planet?

Typical answers were:

1. YES! I’m going to swim the channel from now on to get to France. Of course, I’m allergic to sea water and can’t swim very well but the planet is important to me so I think it’s worth it seeing as I’m NOT a a selfish turd
   

1. Well, I live in a cardboard box (made from recycled materials) and eat only road kill, banana skins and my own recycled urine to compensate for my two long haul flights a year to the Maldives
   

1. I have a sibling located in every single country you can think of so I have no choice but to fly otherwise I’d be rejecting my entire family, are you suggesting I abandon my family??? That’s appalling!- you must be a sociopath/ narcissist/ psychopath/ telepath etc
   

1. No. I couldn’t give a flying fuck about the planet. No one is keeping me away from Benidorm

[Doubleraspberry]

IABU to do [x]?

45% I have never done that or known anyone who did that so it must never happen and YABU

45% I do that all the time and so does all my family and every one of my friends so YANBU

10% why are all MN posters unable to consider that other people live different lives and have different experiences? [Howling into the void.]

[TigerOnATrain]

@Duckydarling

The 'am I pregnant' ones, with a photo of a negative pregnancy test.

This drives me fucking POTTY! Every single one I have seen asking 'am I pregnant?' ALWAYS shows a negative pregnancy test. And EVERY SINGLE TIME, 4 out of 5 posters say 'I see a second line!! Congratulations OP.'

'YEAH I SEE IT, whoop whoop welcome to parenthood'

and

'Awww lucky you new little mommy... you have soooo much to look forward to, and ignore the few people saying you're not pregnant. They know fuck-all about anything!!!'

JUST FUCKING STOP!

These pregnancy tests are ALWAYS negative. There is NEVER a second line.

[TigerOnATrain]

@2018SoFarSoGreat

I'm 50; can I still wear:

Doc Martens/This skirt/This top/Eyeliner....

50! That's nowt but a child.

Every. Time.

I know right. So annoying.

Also, the threads where someone says 'I am pregnant at 48, am I too old?' A SHITLOAD of people come on, and say 'don't be silly OP, you're a wee spring chicken, half the women I know had their first baby at 49, and then 3 more between 51 and 59. No issues with the pregnancy or birth, and all the children were absolutely fine and dandy. No issues whatsoever.

I am also sick and tired of people saying if someone is horrible/rude/abusive/generally fucking vile, and someone says 'could he be depressed OP?' or 'could they be on the spectrum?' FFS, sometimes people are just nasty feckers, and there is NO OTHER REASON!

'How much do you have in your pension?'

Cue a bunch of people saying £650,000 to £800,000.

(Probably the ones who earn the low to mid 6 figures per year...)

[TigerOnATrain]

@KatherineJaneway

OP: AIBU?
MN: 99.9% Yes

MNHQ: We're taking this thread down due to privacy concerns.

That means OP didn't like the answers so wants to erase the thread

LOL!

[GnomeDePlume]

AIBU to ask what you spend on your weekly shop?

Answers range from 25p to £666666.66

Because, you know, everybody's cirumstances are different.

[IndianaMoleWoman]

OP: I’m thinking of Ignacianianio for my new son, is it too “out there”?

MN: If anything, I’d worry about it being too popular. I know of five little Ignacianianios born this month. Having said that, it is a beautiful, classic name that will stand the test of time, so go for it.

OP: I’m thinking of McKenzie-Jaydun for my new son, nickname MJ. What do you think?

5% Honest answers saying it’s chavvy.

95% How dare you use the word chavvy? I’m am horrified, despite never having been within 20 miles of a council estate myself, this kind of blatant discrimination is what’s wrong with society today etc. Call your beautiful baby whatever you like, OP!

[Exitstrategist]

I’m thinking of naming my little boy Ruairi.
MN: how could you do this? What a stupid name, he will never cope for the rest of his life. He will be mocked and ridiculed within an inch of death. Just call him Rory for goodness sake.
OP: Erm, it’s a perfectly acceptable Irish name!!

[IndianaMoleWoman]

AIBU to feel sorry for myself? I’ve a mild head cold, no paracetamol in the house and Tesco Metro is closed at this time.

48% Where abouts in the country are you, OP? I can wake my sleeping children, bundle them into the car and drive all night to bring you some Lemsip.

48% Suck it up, buttercup.

2% A&E NOW! Seriously OP, my auntie’s husband’s second cousin’s postman had this and it turned out to be fatal.

[Scarsthelot]

OP - my mum went to x country she knows has a 26 year old boyfriend that she sending all her money to. He wants to marry her and live here, but cant as she is only on her pension. I am worried she has been scammed.

Hundreds of posters agreeing she is being scammed and linking similar stories and telling OP about people they know this has happened to.

2 posters insisting their sils, best friends cousin was in a relationship like this and he lives here and they are blissfully happy, so it might not be and everyone else is being cruel.

[willothewispa]

Do teachers have an easy job
Of course, all those holidays and they finish at 3pm.