Mumsnet threads you know the answer to before you even open them

[daddyorchipsdaddyorchips]

You know, the ones that ask a question on the thread and you know full well the answer before you've even clicked through.

Should I leave him? - Yes. Run for the fucking hills

DH says this is all in my head, is it? - No. He's a cunt

Is this normal in a relationship? - No, definitely not. And don't let him make you think it is either

Should I text him or leave it? Leave it. But we know you won't. Come back again tomorrow when he's ignored you again

Should we separate? Without a doubt

Are these red flags? North Korea, mate.

What are yours?

'My neighbour has deliberately chopped up my frint door with a chainsaw AIBU to ask her to pay for a new one?'

Answer 'Ask her if she would mind paying half and make her a casserole'

'My friend has stolen my coat, bag, hat and shoes - should I ask for them back ?'

Answer 'Ask her if she's short of money, give her £400, buy her a car and make her a casserole'

Anything driving related whatever it is the OP will be the one in the wrong and 'shouldn't be on the road'.

• AIBU about DH's hobby?

My DH does his hobby 14 hours a day, every day, including while I was in labour and when I called him to come urgently because the house had just burnt down. Can't say what hobby is as too outing, but think kicking a ball around a field between two goalposts for 90 minutes, with a referee, corner flags, penalties etc.

• Is it cycling, OP?

Can I leave my 5 yr old watching t.v to put the bins out down my drive?

NO! your house could spontaneously combust or a tornado could arrive whipping away your house to Kansas city.

The Christmas ones too there were 100s the same.
I'm expected to host 127 people for Christmas dinner but I don't want to aibu ? No tell them to make their own Christmas dinner at their own house Ffs .
The baby name threads
What do you think of Fred for a GIRL

"What happened to the parking/wedding/baby/dog thread"?

Troll.

Any whiny voiced thread that starts asking what/where/why/who what should I do/handhold, the OP always has anxiety and at least one child with SEN.

The people that never answer the front door or the landline unless they are expecting a visitor or a call, those threads are funny.
Whatever reason is suggested people might need to answer is instantly dismissed.

'it might be a neighbour telling you you have left your car lights on'
Poster will then say they have no car or indeed sometimes no neighbours. Person knocking their door will almost certainly be an axe wielding maniac, especially after 9pm. Which is also the cut off time to make or receive landline calls.

Oh yes - the scourge on society that is the unexpected visitor

“What age is too old to have a baby?”

• selection of answers randomly scattered between 25-45
• someone taking it personally that someone else said “32 at the absolute oldest”
• someone else pointing out that your fertility DROPS OFF A CLIFF at 35
• someone who has three under five at the age of 49 and is chirpily enthusiastic about it

AIBU to include this lovely poem in my wedding invitations:

"We do not have a gift list
We hope you'll understand
We want a 5 star honeymoon
That's costing 20 grand
So if you really love us
You'll cough up with your share
Can't pay? Then forget the invite
We don't want you there"

• It's fine - I'd much rather give cash than have to buy a gift
• You are cheeky fuckers and deserve to die
• Giving money is totally normal in most cultures
• It's a good idea but your poem is too twee - just put a note in explaining the situation
• I wouldn't pay for your honeymoon on environmental grounds. Ask everyone to buy a goat for a developing country instead.

-Am I about to die? I've been to doctor 50x with my 25 mild assorted symptoms and I'm sure I have something ghastly. I'm over 50 and overweight & never looked after my diet or health very well. GP keeps blowing me off and offering me things I don't think will help.

-Oh dear it's a scandal! GP are charlatans who know nothing. But listen to me, I'm a random stranger on the Internet and I know everything about your health condition. Would you like to attend my friend's clinic in Central London where they charge you £300/hour to hold your hand & run the same tests that the GP ordered? They'll give you this magic pill I like to promote, too.

“Should I start weaning my baby at some ridiculously young age?”

“no”
“no”
“NO”
“Don’t listen to them OP, the guidelines change every five minutes, mine were all on three square meals and a Sunday roast by 6 weeks old and they’re all strapping lads in their 20s now.”

Trouble with DSD and interfering BM

“I believe you mean Mother OP”

How would you pronounce...?

• don’t give your child a name if you’re unsure of the pronunciation.

Is my neighbour a cf because she expects me to bring her parcel in .
Posts saying yes how dare she .

I asked my dm / mil to watch my dc for 10 minutes she said no aibu .
Yes you are you must never ever ask anyone to look after your children they must be with you at all times you are so unreasonable to even think of asking anyone and you shouldn't have had children.

My mil wants me to take all my clothes off as soon as I walk in her house because for fear it will bring germs in aibu to say no ? .
Her house her rules

CF alert!

Yesterday I was having lunch with an old friend. I was just tucking into my quinoa rice and artisan chocolate fish fingers, when she turned to me and said "Could you pass the salt please?" CF or what? Hit me with your CF stories!

• OMG OP. You need new friends
• Block and delete
• It's the sense of entitlement these people have that really gets me down ...

4mths sleep issues

‘AIBU to be annoyed by people’s holiday photos on Facebook?’

‘Why on earth would you put your holiday photos on Facebook?! Don’t they know it’s just an invitation to burglars!’

“My neighbour is having a party. It started at 10pm on 23rd July 2018 and has been going on ever since. The music is so loud that all the tiles have been shaken from my walls and the roof has fallen off my house. As I type, 83 drunk teenagers are in my front garden, shouting, fighting, vomiting and having sex on the bonnet of my car. I have seven children under five and my husband works on an oil rig on Mars, so I’m on my own. The smell of weed is constantly coming though the walls and a mobile paramedic is permanently stationed on our street to deal with exhausted revellers. I haven’t slept in 18 months. WIBU to knock on the door and politely ask them to keep it down?”

-Have you always been such a fascist stick in the mud, OP? It’s ONE party. Get a life!
-I’d you don’t like it, move to a remote Alaskan glacier 50 miles from other human beings.
-Have you considered soundproofing? It only cost us £174,628,826,977.

People without children parking in Parent & Child spaces.

My long lost friend called and brought her oils/candles/aloe vera...

98% it’s an MLM! Shoot her, for her own good.

1% what’s an MLM?

1% it’s not an MLM, it’s a legitimate business and women should support women you hatez.

“My dimwitted, cash-strapped friend asked me to buy some Younique/Juice Plus/Snake Oil from her new “business”. Isn’t she a fucking moron who deserves everything she gets?”

-Yes, burn her with fire. She is too stupid to be alive and has been indoctrinated by a dangerous cult!

Aibu to think Megan....

Yes