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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I HAVE to leave my three year old for 2 minutes

140 replies

LurkerMortificado · 14/01/2020 15:29

Sat in hospital with my daughter, hopefully coming home tonight, we've been here since about 9:30 and we were at the doctors before being sent here by the gp.
As of yet I have had nothing to eat or drink, didn't have chance before rushing out at 8am for an emergency docs appointment. I have needed the loo for the last hour, tmi but I'm on my period, and I really need to go.
Nurses say I'm not allowed to leave my three year old on the ward alone to nip to the parent toilets (which are the other side of the nurses desk).
AIBU to just say I HAVE to go to the toilet and go?

OP posts:
TreesSandSea · 14/01/2020 15:30

Take her?

Mumtown · 14/01/2020 15:31

Ask for a bed pan instead then and see whether it clicks that they’re being ridiculous.

MiniEggAddiction · 14/01/2020 15:31

I'm assuming you can't take DD with you? In which case I don't see what other option you have - could you ask another parent to watch DD for 2 minutes?

thejollyroger · 14/01/2020 15:31

That’s crackers. Surely a child admitted to hospital is now under their care, not yours? When are you supposed to urinate/eat etc?

Can you take her with you?

TriangleBingoBongo · 14/01/2020 15:32

Could you rephrase and say you need to visit the toilet, you’ll be back in a moment? I think I would say I need to change my tampon/sanitary towel if they don’t approve!

spongejack · 14/01/2020 15:33

How utterly ridiculous! Can a nurse not watch her for two mins whilst you perform a necessary bodily function? Suppose you needed a poo, what would they have done then?

Original poster
LurkerMortificado · 14/01/2020 15:33

The other parent has taken her child to the playroom however the doctors are worried my dd is contagious so she's not allowed to leave her cubicle. Same reason why I can't take her with me.

OP posts:
gallgal · 14/01/2020 15:34

This is crazy. I stayed in hospital with my 4yo DS for two nights last year and I was absolutely allowed to leave him to nip for a wee!

thejollyroger · 14/01/2020 15:34

Ask for a bucket/bed pan? They must realise they are being ridiculous and what they are asking of you will logically mean you have to urinate/defecate/change your tampon in public. Remind them of this and ask to see a policy.

SuddenArborealStop · 14/01/2020 15:36

Will the three year old stay put if left alone, if so just go

Crunchymum · 14/01/2020 15:36

Is she in one of those high sided cot bed things? If so then put it on the highest level, give her you phone to distract her and go?

Crunchymum · 14/01/2020 15:37

And if she is too contagious to be allowed to leave her cubicle, are you sure you'll be home later?

AwdBovril · 14/01/2020 15:37

Tell them. They're nurses, they're used to bodily functions.

chocolateteapot20 · 14/01/2020 15:38

Depending on whether the contagion is, you know, airborne or passed by skin contact, I'm not sure keeping her in her cubicle will make much difference....are you sure it's the nurses who came up with this rule? Can you ask to see a sister? Alternatively, ask for a vase and just mutter "Mid-Staffs" very loudly..

AwdBovril · 14/01/2020 15:38

Are you using a tampon? If you are, you're at risk of TSS... maybe remind them of that.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/01/2020 15:38

A nurse needs to come and be there while you pop to the loo.

To a pp, these days nursing cover in hospital is insufficient to assume full responsibility for a young child. There's a 100% expectation that a parent will be there 24/7 to attend to any need thst isn't strictly medical

my2bundles · 14/01/2020 15:41

I find this unbelievable to be honest I've been in hospital with my kids several times including over night and this has never been an issue . I've also visited the parents room to microwave my own food.

Boredbumhead · 14/01/2020 15:42

That's shocking. You poor thing. Demand to see someone and say if you don't drink and pee change tampons, you could faint or get toxic shock. You poor thing.

thejollyroger · 14/01/2020 15:43

To a pp, these days nursing cover in hospital is insufficient to assume full responsibility for a young child. There's a 100% expectation that a parent will be there 24/7 to attend to any need thst isn't strictly medical

Which is a shame, but understandable. However, if we’re honest it’s also impossible. People have to eat, drink, toilet, sleep and wash. You can’t treat parents like slaves because their children are sick.

Hustssleeping · 14/01/2020 15:45

This is insane. And totally the opposite of what I experienced with DD in hospital. Thankfully I was breastfeeding or else I'd have been expected to go and find my own food and drink.
If DH didnt come in regularly I'd have had to go find my own nappies etc.
More than one parent left their baby overnight because they had other children at home.
Press the buzzer. Ask if they can watch your DD while you go to the loo

zoobincan · 14/01/2020 15:46

Well I would just go, take her with you. Your DD can't be that contagious otherwise she would be in a side room and not possibly going home tonight.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/01/2020 15:46

Agreed, I had to just leave baby DD in her cot a few times when she was in hospital before Xmas, the nurses keep an eye.

Owlypants · 14/01/2020 15:47

Find a nurse and be polite "I have to go to the toilet now, I've had the same tampon in for several hours and it's no longer doing it's job. I'm leaking and have created a bio hazzard on the chair, I'll be back in 2 minutes "

Original poster
LurkerMortificado · 14/01/2020 15:47

I completely understand that they can't assume responsibility for her for any length of time but I'm finding the not allowed to go to the loo odd. My eldest was in hospital for a long time and this dd has had various trips but always to different hospitals, I've never come across this before.

To pp who asked about a cot, sadly not she's in a bed, and not likely to stay put instead of running round touching everything.

To the pp who asked about being allowed home while contagious, they seem to think there's very little they can do here that I can't do at home. Therefore it makes more sense to have her at home. She will have an opening so if she gets worse over the next 48 hours she can return straight away. We're just stabilising her temperature atm before we can leave

OP posts:
Kaykay066 · 14/01/2020 15:47

Surely your cubicle has a toilet?

Ours do and parents are in and out all day long if she’s in a bed and quite happy pop the sides up and go to the toilet?..we’d never say no and we keep an eye on them of course. Tiny ones in a cot with sides up. We also feed parents if there is food left especially those who have been In a while or haven’t left their child at all. certainly do not judge or frown upon it!. Complain to charge nurse now or ask for complaintS form whilst you are there. (Paeds nurse here) can’t imagine how allowing someone to leave their child for basic human needs.
Hope your child is better and home soon