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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I HAVE to leave my three year old for 2 minutes

140 replies

LurkerMortificado · 14/01/2020 15:29

Sat in hospital with my daughter, hopefully coming home tonight, we've been here since about 9:30 and we were at the doctors before being sent here by the gp.
As of yet I have had nothing to eat or drink, didn't have chance before rushing out at 8am for an emergency docs appointment. I have needed the loo for the last hour, tmi but I'm on my period, and I really need to go.
Nurses say I'm not allowed to leave my three year old on the ward alone to nip to the parent toilets (which are the other side of the nurses desk).
AIBU to just say I HAVE to go to the toilet and go?

OP posts:
clarehhh · 14/01/2020 17:56

What did you decide?

NYCDreaming · 14/01/2020 18:31

I'm glad you've been OP! Sounds horrible though. In that situation I think I would have phrased it as "I'm popping to the loo and the vending machine. Shall I leave DD here or take her with me?" They can't leave you like that, you'll be ill next!

AlunWynsKnee · 14/01/2020 18:53

Had the same thing happen to me when dd was little. I wasn't able to leave the ward to use the loo, get a drink or go to a vending machine.

Cremebrule · 14/01/2020 19:00

My experience on paediatric assessment units are that they are a rubbish place to be if you are there for more than a few hours. I’ve been stuck on one twice - once for 2 days and it was shit. I didn’t realise it wasn’t a proper ward and was wondering how the hell parents coped with a longer stay. If it was anything like mine, they just weren’t geared up to provide parental support, no food was provided for my child and it was impossible to get any sleep because of the comings and goings of new admissions. I hope you manage to get home soon.

SoupDragon · 14/01/2020 19:06

Op why didn’t you use your dd’s patient toilet in her room?

Because there wasn't one. Obviously. 🙄

zoobincan · 14/01/2020 19:38

@MyDcAreMarvel

Op why didn’t you use your dd’s patient toilet in her room?

I have seen you post some stupid comments in the past but this one is top notch Grin

CottonSock · 14/01/2020 19:45

My daughter has been in hospital a few times. I didn't even ask to be honest, just went to loo.

carly2803 · 14/01/2020 20:46

glad you have been now OP

i rememeber being alone with the youngest and absolutely dying for a number 2.
screamed everytime i left the room, in the end i waited until sleepytime ensued and made a run

we were also contagious and i hadnt eaten all day either. Justwas grateful i was not on too!

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/01/2020 22:00

Op why didn’t you use your dd’s patient toilet in her room?

I have seen you post some stupid comments in the past but this one is top notch grin
The op specifically mentioned using a parents toilet, often patients toilets have notices saying strictly for patients only. I wondered if the op was following the rules despite her need to wee!

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/01/2020 22:02

MyDcAreMarvel because she's on a ward not in a side room 🙄
Well her dd is either contagious or she is on a ward, it can’t be both!

mineofuselessinformation · 14/01/2020 22:07

Why not, MyDcAreMarvel?
Dc2 was hospitalised twice with norivirus, which is highly contagious. Both times we were on a general paediatric ward. On one occasion, I also developed the same virus.....

Canyousewcushions · 14/01/2020 22:17

I've had similar as a breafeeding mother- they didn't want me to leave ward with baby due to obs/ward rounds/whatever else, didn't want baby left on her own and they didn't feed me, despite the baby relying on my milk. Managed to persuade them that I could take her with me to get to the shop in the hospital lobby in the end. Baby was in there for days, no idea what they expected me to do!!

SnugStars · 14/01/2020 22:31

That’s disgusting canyou when I was in with DD who was a week old they said they always fed breastfeeding mothers, but couldn’t feed other parents. As it happened they always had spare meals so offered my partner food each day anyway. This was on the Children’s Ward and they were great. The post Natal Ward was the absolute nightmare.

The3Ls · 14/01/2020 22:36

Two weeks in leading children's hospital. No meals for my milk allergy child. They simply crossed off anything Containing milk. One day oranges and gravy. Blank looks all round from dinner staff when I said dietitian had insisted there was a milk free menu. Feed her ourselves and via kindness of candlelight era candlelighters charity - my child was lucky not to have cancer but they were so kind. I'm a HCP myself really meant to complain but too exhausted by time I was home. We could afford and Co ordinate it but aren't we lucky many are not

DappledThings · 14/01/2020 22:44

Interesting that you managed to get from GP to children's ward? I have only heard of children going straight to the ward for known issues / conditions or if they need to be readmitted shortly after being discharged

When my then 1 year old saw the GP with a chest infection and fast breathing he called the on call paediatrician at the hospital for advice who asked to see her so we went straight there with a letter from the GP. They were expecting us and greeted us by DD's name. It was an impressive bit of joined up work I thought.

Notlonely · 14/01/2020 22:53

Did you get to go home?

eminencegrise · 14/01/2020 23:29

Interesting that you managed to get from GP to children's ward? I have only heard of children going straight to the ward for known issues / conditions or if they need to be readmitted shortly after being discharged

We were sent straight from the GP, via an ambulance, to the children's hospital, which is 2 hours away. We spent 5 hours in A&E, were put into a general ward and then transferred to the children's onco unit that same day, well, it was evening by then.

In many places, children's care is centralised and can commonly be hours from one's home.

You can become immediately thrust into an acute care situation hours from home and with other children who also need care and NO ONE who can immediately step in and provide it.

That was over 8 years ago for us. Nothing new.

eminencegrise · 14/01/2020 23:32

I am a doctor with experience of paediatric wards and this is bonkers.

Absolutely! Spent 8 bloody months inside, fully inpatient. You just get thrust into this situation and you have to make do to cope. You learn!

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 00:03

I'm in Scotland. There were people there from bloody Orkney who had to travel if the weather was too bad to fly for nigh on an entire day to get to Glasgow, which was the only place where their children could be treated for cancer, the hospital in Aberdeen or Inverness being unable to do so. On MN, a lot of people don't understand how many have to travel for many hours for treatment and leave behind their husband and family with other children or unable to or afford to travel, which is also very weather dependent, particularly in Winter but given the weather, sometimes for about 6-9 months out of the year. You do not get to go home because home is hours away.

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 00:07

God, one time SIL's partner's brother visited us in there. He'd been in prison and after learning how it all was declared, 'This is worse than Saughton.'

eminencegrise · 15/01/2020 00:17

I do think it needs looking at to make it easier on parents who are there alone.

Due to centralisation of services, a lot of parents are there alone. Our nearest children's hospital, in Glasgow, serves an enormously wide geographical area and when it comes to many specialist services, covers even for Edinburgh and Dundee. You easily have child patients who need care from 8+ hours away. In some parts of Scotland, it is common for most of the sources of good employment to be off shore, so one parent is left alone to deal with the children and the family who support have to care for the other children whilst the off-shore employee is brought back or has to again go off-shore to work. Seasonal intensive employment and farming are often common, too, meaning someone simply has to work, often in a family setting, meaning one parent is indeed entirely alone to deal with the ill child.

Original poster
LurkerMortificado · 15/01/2020 05:36

Sorry for being quiet, they did allow dd to go home, but she is already back, this time thankfully in an individual side room. We have a toilet and a put up bed for me!
The staff who are on now have been lovely, one even got me a cup of tea when we arrived. Amazing the difference a couple of hours makes to the same unit.

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 15/01/2020 07:43

Sorry to hear she's back in. I'm glad they've been lovely so far Flowers

SnugStars · 15/01/2020 10:08

I hope she’s soon in the mend.

zoobincan · 15/01/2020 15:20

Sorry you ended up back in OP; I hope your DD is better really soon Thanks