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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I HAVE to leave my three year old for 2 minutes

140 replies

LurkerMortificado · 14/01/2020 15:29

Sat in hospital with my daughter, hopefully coming home tonight, we've been here since about 9:30 and we were at the doctors before being sent here by the gp.
As of yet I have had nothing to eat or drink, didn't have chance before rushing out at 8am for an emergency docs appointment. I have needed the loo for the last hour, tmi but I'm on my period, and I really need to go.
Nurses say I'm not allowed to leave my three year old on the ward alone to nip to the parent toilets (which are the other side of the nurses desk).
AIBU to just say I HAVE to go to the toilet and go?

OP posts:
disneyinmyveins92 · 14/01/2020 16:11

I would 100% tell them I'm going to the toilet and just go. If they try and stop you just say would you like me to get TSS. It's bonkers. Be assertive xx

Emmacb82 · 14/01/2020 16:12

I don’t understand this at all?! I’m a paeds nurse and our parents wander all over the place and go off the ward to the restaurant/shop and leave their kids! We always ask that they tell us if they are popping out, and either one of us will go and sit with them or we will keep an eye on the room/bay. It’s not always possible to sit in with them if we are busy but we explain this to parents. There’s no way we would not let a parent use a toilet?! Can you not just leave your dd in the room and go? Will she stay there or is that the issue? Either way someone should be able to spare 2 mins so you can go out. Do they have play leaders that could sit with her?

diddl · 14/01/2020 16:12

Whilst I agree it's not up to them to provide childcare, it's not the case that a parent will always be present all of the time is it?

If she can't be left for fear of her getting out of the bed, then it's not suitable & surely that's up to staff to sort out?

Cath2907 · 14/01/2020 16:12

This is nuts, put bed sides up and go pee!

Savingshoes · 14/01/2020 16:13

Suggestion: next time the doctor visits, ask him/her to wait with your child and let operation toilet break commence.
As part of training, nurses are provided with specialist training to hold their urine for over 12-14 hour shifts... some of the mature nurses have a catheter in situ to help reduce toilet breaks...
... just laugh at their in ability to work out that toiletting is a basic human need and run for the loos. On route back, grab yourself some food.

minipie · 14/01/2020 16:13

This is insane.

Is she in danger of hurting herself? Bed sides up? I would just go to the loo and tell a nurse as you pass that you’ll be back in 2 minutes.

They are probably worried “go to the loo” really means “leave the hospital for ages”

Juliette20 · 14/01/2020 16:14

Of course you can go to the loo. They won't thank you if you pee/menstruate onto the floor.

I was ill in hospital when I was little (and in isolation at one point) and my parents visited whenever they could and spent lots of time there, but they certainly weren't there all the time!

Original poster
LurkerMortificado · 14/01/2020 16:16

The lovely student who came to do the obs was more than happy to sit with her for a couple of minutes so I have now been thank God!
No idea about play specialists we haven't seen much of anyone if I'm honest apart from 3 student doctors who all took a history and did a physical examination.
Not in A&E on the kids ward straight from gp with a letter.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 14/01/2020 16:17

I have been in this situation many times with dd, it’s awful isn’t it? Eventually I got my dad to bring me in a sandwich and allow me a toilet break. It’s frustrating especially if you are a single parent or the other parent is at home looking after your other dc.

JeffreyJefferson · 14/01/2020 16:17

just close the curtains and be as fast as you can

JeffreyJefferson · 14/01/2020 16:17

ohhhh didn’t see the update.

NoProblem123 · 14/01/2020 16:18

Wait till a nurse comes in and tell her your going and will be as quick as you can.

And do the same next time, and the time after.

DivGirl · 14/01/2020 16:19

Good old students.

Glad you've been OP!

StarySkyTonight · 14/01/2020 16:19

Are you in the UK?
I have never heard of or experience this and I am in and out of hospital with DD2 A LOT from her being 6 mo to now at 10 years old. I have never not been able to go to the loo or go and get myself food or drink, tbh I have even taken myself of for a five minute breather in the fresh air while DD has been on the ward/in A&E etc.

It's crazy that they say you can't go to the toilet, you are going to end up poorly with a UTI or something!! Are you on a children's ward or in A&E??

StarySkyTonight · 14/01/2020 16:20

Oooops sorry, I missed your update while typing!

coffeeforone · 14/01/2020 16:24

What if your DD needed to pee too? I'd just take her!

Kaykay066 · 14/01/2020 16:24

Is it a room or a bed in the bay?
I am aware that not all hospitals are the same so thanks for that but as OP mentioned she was in isolation/child was contagious the rooms generally have their own toilet and shower facilities so not an unfair assumption to make?..also as another paeds nurse has mentioned parents come and go the ward is locked so kids can’t just walk out so always someone keeping an eye on the children perhaps not 1:1 for extended periods so parents can leave but we make sure the parents care for themselves eat etc take breaks swap with other family members where possible

Any paeds ward I have ever been on has been family friendly and not all parents can stay 24/7 there aren’t enough staff nurses to stay with a child one to one but we have play staff, nursery nurses, clinical support and students who can and I’m surprised your ward has been so unhelpful. Glad you got to go though! Hope you won’t be back sounds like a very strict place to nurse children.

Orangesandlemons82 · 14/01/2020 16:26

Sounds like a paediatric assessment unit where parents are expected to stay as it is a temporary/short stay unit before ward admission or home.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/01/2020 16:27

Ridiculous. Ask for a commode to be wheeled to the bedside, then they'll see how silly they're being.

Original poster
LurkerMortificado · 14/01/2020 16:27

I have picked up a feedback form which I will fill in when/if we leave. They have now appeared with a wristband for her but left it on the table not put it on so I genuinely have no idea what is going on. I will definitely ask we go to the hospital she normally goes to if this happens again the whole day has been bizzare to say the least

OP posts:
berlinbabylon · 14/01/2020 16:31

There's a 100% expectation that a parent will be there 24/7 to attend to any need thst isn't strictly medical

What happens if you have more than one child?

Crunchymum · 14/01/2020 16:32

What is you child needs a wee?

Interesting that you managed to get from GP to children's ward? I have only heard of children going straight to the ward for known issues / conditions or if they need to be readmitted shortly after being discharged.

Crunchymum · 14/01/2020 16:33

is you = if your Shock

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 14/01/2020 16:38

I was in a children's ward for a weekend when DS was 7 weeks old, and we were in a side bay and there was no loo - you had to go right out of the ward to go to the public toilets, parents weren't allowed to use the ward toilet. But the staff would watch him while I popped out to the loo - and there was a shower on the 4th floor miles away that I used once. DH came in when he could but he had to get someone else to watch DD so it wasn't very often. But there was no suggestion that I couldn't go for a wee! I think that's awful!

RB68 · 14/01/2020 16:38

With kids and a diagnosed issue they can ring ahead and get you straight onto the ward - even if just diagnosed rather than say asthma