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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I HAVE to leave my three year old for 2 minutes

140 replies

LurkerMortificado · 14/01/2020 15:29

Sat in hospital with my daughter, hopefully coming home tonight, we've been here since about 9:30 and we were at the doctors before being sent here by the gp.
As of yet I have had nothing to eat or drink, didn't have chance before rushing out at 8am for an emergency docs appointment. I have needed the loo for the last hour, tmi but I'm on my period, and I really need to go.
Nurses say I'm not allowed to leave my three year old on the ward alone to nip to the parent toilets (which are the other side of the nurses desk).
AIBU to just say I HAVE to go to the toilet and go?

OP posts:
justmyview · 14/01/2020 16:38

As part of training, nurses are provided with specialist training to hold their urine for over 12-14 hour shifts... some of the mature nurses have a catheter in situ to help reduce toilet breaks...

@Savingshoes do you have evidence of that? If it's true, I'm amazed

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 14/01/2020 16:40

Jesus Fucking Christ!

When my 3 year old was in hospital (admittedly confined to the bed by illness and drips) they were still fantastic - made sure the parent who slept with them had some toast in the morning, that whoever was with him in the day had a chance to get out and get something to eat at other times (hell, when he came into A&E by ambulance, and I said that I hadn't had any food since that morning, and I was 12 weeks pregnant, but I couldn't leave him yet - DP was on the way, but we hadn't realised how serious it was so it took about 5 hours, then they found me a plate of biscuits and a cup of tea!)

You're going to need to be dramatic, and then complain hard when you can. Ask for a bucket, tell them you're going to faint (I very nearly did - DS needed to be carried occasionally, and I had nothing left to do that), when they come by next to do checks, just run to the toilet and snack machine.

Straycatstrut · 14/01/2020 16:40

I experienced this when my son (3) was recovering from surgery. We were on a ward. Nurses told me the toilet was past the Nurses station (waaaaaay) down the corridor! Found out just before we left the door next to his bed had a toilet behind. It said PRIVATE on it so obviously I didn't assume it was a toilet, more a supplies cupboard or something. No toilet sign or anything.

I couldn't move him straight away obviously, and the paeds nurses wouldn't watch him for a minute, so I HAD to leave him in the bed on his own in a big empty ward. He was drowsy and I don't think he noticed but my god the bladder pain, stress and guilt all for nothing! At least I know for next time! Grr.

WildChristmas · 14/01/2020 16:42

If they are not allowing her out of her cubicle then she is their responsibility. You need to insist that you to the toilet. You must keep asking and insisting.

Infinityandbeyondthestars · 14/01/2020 16:42

I have been in with my DS many times (mostly in the past now thank goodness) and it was the same rule, except that the loos were next to the ward, so i used to just go. It was a nightmare for food and drinks though, as you weren't allowed off the ward even with ds and there are no vending machines on the ward, and obviously they don't provide food for the adults. So i could go 24 hours without eating if my DH was away. I do think it needs looking at to make it easier on parents who are there alone.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 14/01/2020 16:43

Interesting that you managed to get from GP to children's ward? I have only heard of children going straight to the ward for known issues / conditions or if they need to be readmitted shortly after being discharged.

We went straight from GP to a ward - and then to another ward (I don't know anything about hospitals - but we by-passed A&E) - blue-lit in an ambulance straight from GP, with it all sorted ahead where we were going (GP had rung for advice)

SummerPavillion · 14/01/2020 16:44

I'd just go, it's completely unreasonable for them to stop you. Your dc is safe, no court in the land would convict you for negligence. What's the worst they can do?

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 14/01/2020 16:45

I do think it needs looking at to make it easier on parents who are there alone.

It doesn't take much. The head housekeeper (I don't know her exact title, but she was the one who organised keeping the ward clean, and food delivery) was great on our children's ward. She kept an eye out, and made it her business to talk to parents if she noticed a child or parent wasn't eating/coping/needed something that she could help with.

Having all members of a team empowered to help makes an enormous difference

SummerPavillion · 14/01/2020 16:46

Oh phew you're been!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/01/2020 16:46

If she's contagious, won't you be?

(BTW, I think YANBU)

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 14/01/2020 16:51

As part of training, nurses are provided with specialist training to hold their urine for over 12-14 hour shifts... some of the mature nurses have a catheter in situ to help reduce toilet breaks...

LOLGrin

Thinkingabout1t · 14/01/2020 16:58

Lurker you could do yourself an injury if you don't pee. Seriously - bladder infections and worse. Nurses know this. So tell the nearest nurse you have to pee, your DD is in that cubicle, and then just run.

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/01/2020 16:58

Op why didn’t you use your dd’s patient toilet in her room?

readyforchangenow · 14/01/2020 17:01

@MyDcAreMarvel because she's on a ward not in a side room 🙄

RUOKHUN · 14/01/2020 17:04

Work in a children’s hospital. Would ALWAYS make time to sit with a child or play with them elsewhere to let a parent eat, drink, go to the loo or take a break. Might be 2 minutes whilst I finish up what I’m doing and let someone know.It’s just about prioritising my workload. YANBU

Disfordarkchocolate · 14/01/2020 17:18

Having spent a weekend in hospital with my small child where they wouldn't provide any food for him because he had been diagnosed with lactose intolerance and a dietician had to approve his meals I am not surprised.

BryanAdamsLeftAnkle · 14/01/2020 17:21

@savingshoe seriously??

Damnit I must have missed that bit of training then.... Thank goodness because I would hate to be at risk of urosepsis for using a catheter when I can simply pee on a 12 hour shift.

Pop2017 · 14/01/2020 17:23

Wow! That’s so bad imo. I know they are over stretched but seriously. Couldn’t they keep an eye on your little one whilst you went? Take you child with you??

It’s not like you are asking them to watch your child whilst you bugger off for an hour is it! Jeez..

gamerwidow · 14/01/2020 17:27

Interesting that you managed to get from GP to children's ward? I have only heard of children going straight to the ward for known issues / conditions or if they need to be readmitted shortly after being discharged.
This is a fairly common route into hospital for an emergency admission. We get most of our emergency intake from ED but a fair proportion will be direct from GP referral.

Equanimitas · 14/01/2020 17:29

If this happens again, ask to speak to the nurse in charge. They really cannot seriously expect you to be glued to your child's side at the expense of even being able to go to the loo.

ThePawtriarchy · 14/01/2020 17:32

Glad you’ve been. Next time you could say you’ve asked if someone from PALS could keep an eye while you pop to the loo, as they’re so busy Wink

Sleepyblueocean · 14/01/2020 17:42

Ds's needs (danger to himself) mean that he cannot be left without close individual supervision in a hospital environment. We have always managed this by having both parents with him ( fortunately he has never had to stay overnight).
If one of us wasn't available then it has been agreed that a member of staff would have to be available to give the parent breaks since it would be completely unreasonable for the parent not to have breaks to get basic needs met.

WorraLiberty · 14/01/2020 17:44

As part of training, nurses are provided with specialist training to hold their urine for over 12-14 hour shifts...some of the mature nurses have a catheter in situ to help reduce toilet breaks...

Grin Grin

Lucked · 14/01/2020 17:44

I am a doctor with experience of paediatric wards and this is bonkers.

1forsorrow · 14/01/2020 17:47

Mine are all grown up but when one was in hospital for an operation there were no toilets on the ward the adults could use. Toilets were on another floor. We used to take children with us as "cover" I've also eaten my child's meal when he was too sick to eat it and I was starving. It was like a WWII escape from prisoner of war camp with mothers covering for each other as we did our best to survive in one piece.