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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I HAVE to leave my three year old for 2 minutes

140 replies

LurkerMortificado · 14/01/2020 15:29

Sat in hospital with my daughter, hopefully coming home tonight, we've been here since about 9:30 and we were at the doctors before being sent here by the gp.
As of yet I have had nothing to eat or drink, didn't have chance before rushing out at 8am for an emergency docs appointment. I have needed the loo for the last hour, tmi but I'm on my period, and I really need to go.
Nurses say I'm not allowed to leave my three year old on the ward alone to nip to the parent toilets (which are the other side of the nurses desk).
AIBU to just say I HAVE to go to the toilet and go?

OP posts:
SuperMeerkat · 14/01/2020 15:48

Yup, I agree. Press the nurses call button and if it’s still a no ask to speak to the most senior person there. Hopefully the matron will be male, I find they’re often more sympathetic and if you mention tampons.... 😂

Winterwoollies · 14/01/2020 15:48

They’ll be treating you for a UTI in a minute. That’s so daft. Surely they’ll understand if you explain to them that you’re bursting, on your period and rushed out of the house at 8 and have not had a chance?

canijustaskonemorething · 14/01/2020 15:50

I wouldn’t be asking the nurses for permission to leave, I’d tell them that you are going to change a tampon and get something to eat so you are fit to look after your child.

Original poster
LurkerMortificado · 14/01/2020 15:50

I've politely asked "would someone watch my daughter while I nip to the loo" on several occasions but the answer has been a firm "we can't have children left on their own. She's due obs again soon so I guess I could just run away while they're doing those?

OP posts:
eminencegrise · 14/01/2020 15:51

Surely your cubicle has a toilet?

Surely you realise not every hospital is the same Hmm

I'd just take her.

Crunchymum · 14/01/2020 15:53

Yep run away when they do Ob's!

DesLynamsMoustache · 14/01/2020 15:53

Just tell them that you must go to the toilet so either they watch her or you take her with you. If they won't watch her then you'll just have to take her with you, contagious or not. You can't just wet yourself or leak blood everywhere!

Stinkycatbreath · 14/01/2020 15:54

Get up say I am going to the toilet nowbto whoever is on the desk and just go. They are seriously not going to do anything you are answering the call of nature not popping out for a fag.

Beetlebum1981 · 14/01/2020 15:54

I agree, I think you need to get assertive now.

HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 14/01/2020 15:55

Just take her with you 🤷🏻‍♀️ You can't really believe that they would stop you doing that and that you have a prospect of being discharged today? Surely those two things wouldn't be compatible with each other...

Toddlerteaplease · 14/01/2020 15:56

Of course you can leave her. There will almost certainly be a parents kitchen where you can make yourself a drink. One of my colleagues was very judgmental about parents leaving their kids. She got short shrift from me. Not everyone can stay.

ILearnedItFromABook · 14/01/2020 15:57

Contagious? Surely "contagious" people are commonplace in a hospital. (One of the reasons people hate going there, actually.)

I think if you state that it's an emergency and that you have two choices they watch her or you take her with you they can't really say no.

KidCaneGoat · 14/01/2020 15:57

Can’t believe they won’t watch her for a minute for you. That’s terrible. How long would they leave it? What if you had to be there all week. You can’t go to the loo for a week?

listsandbudgets · 14/01/2020 15:57

That's not reasonable OP.

If she really can't be left alone, then someone has to be able to watch her for five minutes while you pop to the blooming toilet. What do they want you to do? Piss on the floor, leave your used tampon under the bed?

Do they really mean you can't go to the toilet? Are you sure they just dont' want you to leave the hospital?

When dd was in at a similar age they were happy for me to go to toilet, canteen for some food and even to take a quick trip to the newsagents to buy comics for her

You'll become ill yourself if they leave it much longer

lyingwanker · 14/01/2020 15:59

Why can't you leave the 3 year old? Not all parents can stay with their children 100% of the time in hospital. My sister is a children's nurse and she said loads of parents have to leave their babies/toddlers/children to go home to other kids etc.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 14/01/2020 16:02

I would've found a way by now, my bladder can't wait 10 mins let alone an hour!

ImportantWater · 14/01/2020 16:03

Well, I would be saying "look. Either I take her to the toilet, I leave her while I go to the toilet, or I go to the toilet right here in the cubicle. Which would you like?"

Babynut1 · 14/01/2020 16:04

I’d be telling them that they either watch her while you go to the loo or you’ll be depositing bodily fluids all over the floor.
What a ridiculous policy.
When my dd was in for a small op, they watched her for me to go and move my car as I’d parked where I shouldn’t (wed gone there as an emergency🙈)
They happily watched her whole I went to the loo and for a wash.
Ridiculous policy and tell them if they don’t apply a bit of common sense you might have to put a complaint in!

greenlobster · 14/01/2020 16:04

Been in that situation many times (dd was a frequent flyer at the hospital when she was little). It sucks.

If you feel she would be OK left for a couple of minutes then just breeze past the nurses station at speed calling a "just popping to the loo!" over your shoulder as you pass them. Deal with any fallout afterwards (you'll be able to cope better then because you won't be bursting for a wee!)

Alternatively if there's a patient toilet on the ward/closer, use that instead and take her with.

m0therofdragons · 14/01/2020 16:04

I had this when dd had to be sedated for a procedure. Afterwards she was like an awkward over confident drunk friend so no way I could leave her! Nurses made it clear they wouldn't watch her so 8am to 4pm I didn't wee, eat or drink. I also asked if dd could have some squash and lunch and that was a massive inconvenience. It was so bizarre. Dh arrived at 4pm and I ran out the door for a wee then he asked the nurse if he could make me a tea and she was just on shift and baffled why no one had done this already for me. Op, you'll have to be more assertive. It's nuts you have to!

MikeUniformMike · 14/01/2020 16:08

Pee on the floor

Lweji · 14/01/2020 16:08

Don't ask them. Tell them you're going.

FreedomfromPE · 14/01/2020 16:09

That's so crackers. I would be forced to take my child with me to the toilet because of health issues of my own in that time frame. Though I wouldn't ask. I'd just do it and be careful to hand wash with her etc. It's not a choice for me.

Fatted · 14/01/2020 16:09

I'm guessing that you are in A&E rather than the ward? They have different rules to the ward about kids being unattended.

Is there not a patient toilet nearby? Just use it. Or just explain the situation when someone complains that you are going to be bleeding everywhere in a moment.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/01/2020 16:10

I used to be a nurse, and back when I did my paediatric allocation as part of my training, we had children on the ward who didn’t have a parent with them at all times. Some had other children who also needed to be looked after - and all of the parents had needs that they had to take care of.

I would be asking the nursing staff how they suggest you deal with going to the loo by the bed, and where you should put the used sanpro since you aren’t allowed to go to the loo!

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