To think she should follow the rules?

[suchameanie]

I’m preparing to get flamed here I really am!
Anyway, friend has 2 girls. Ever since they were tiny she has let them choose their own outfits, put together any combo they like, wear clothes far too big or small, shoes 4 times too big or so small their toes are scrunched up and even her clothes or DHs clothes.
Fair enough, she believes kids should express themselves. I’m very anal about what my kids wear and I think it gives off a good impression if they are clean, tiny, in properly fitting shoes and clothes, but that’s entirely my choice!
An average day would be her 8 year old daughter wearing red leggings, pink skirt, odd socks pulled up over the leggings, perhaps her mums jumper or cardie and her feet squeezed into her 5 year old sisters shoes. Not a look I’d allow, but not my circus, not my monkeys!
Anyway, my main bug bear at the moment is the kids doing uniformed activities.
Tonight at ballet her daughter had on Cinderella leggings, underneath a swimming costume. When she goes to school she’ll wear some uniform, but often flouts the rules and will wear say a red sparkly t-shirt under her pinafore, or rainbow tights.
They’ve taken a photo of the ballet class tonight to put on social media, and all the students look impeccable in matching uniform, except for friends daughter in her Cinderella leggings and swimming costume.
I don’t know why it annoys me so much, but it does!
My kids ask if they can wear rainbow tights to school etc as their friend does and I refuse. It just makes my mornings harder as they want to match their friend.
My friend thinks it looks quirky and that her DD will probably be a fashion designer, but truthfully she just looks scruffy when everyone else is wearing the same thing.
What are your thoughts?

Hmmm presume that the ballet class etc aren't bothered or overly strict on uniform otherwise everyone would have to wear it

As for school then it's the school with the issue... both primary schools I currently working and those my children attended had strict uniform rules and would of told the parents that stripy tights where not part of uniform

Tonight at ballet her daughter had on Cinderella leggings, underneath a swimming costume.

I want this outfit

Mine will put the most random outfits together. Not so much my 12yo now, but the 9 and 6yo definitely have questionable fashion ideas!
I do insist on them wearing proper uniform for school and activities, though if they can get away with bright or odd socks they definitively try it on! And glittery dance shoes where the others wear plain (teacher doesn’t mind though. As long as they’re properly turned out for exam day.)

Course she should, but she enjoys being different and “cool” in her eyes

Shoes that are too small aside, why wouldn't you let your eight year old wear pink tights with a red skirt and mismatched socks if she wanted??

I had parents so ridiculously strict like you seem to be about silly things like that. I struggled as a child and still resent it now.

Sounds like my dd, she always wore whatever she wanted (pretty much) now shes a bit older she has her own sense of style and looks amazing.

Life is too short to conform needlessly when you're little, theres enough of that when you're an adult.

I want to dress like your friend's daughter. They sound amazing

how edgy am i as a parent ? ffs

Uniform is a school
Issue and ballet school should apply their uniform policy too.
Ballet school Is just being lacks but school
Should clamp down. Alas, schools, these days, seem to be afraid if confronting parents .
It’s not your problem, however, if institutions don’t enforce the uniform rules, there’s not much you can do.

My DD dresses like this... at home. Elsewhere she wears outfits that dont make her look like she's been dragged through a charity shop bin.

Your friend probably thinks she's being so free and cool, I'd not really pay it any heed.

I’m with you OP but I’m whispering it and ducking straight after saying so.

I wouldn't let mine wear shoes that don't fit. And for an activity/school that has a set uniform I would enforce it. Beyond that, mine wear what they want. Why wouldn't it be like that?

She sounds like a girl I used to teach. Who was, quite frankly, amazing.

It’s up to the ballet teacher/school to decide if it’s an issue or not.

Side note: will you be ok(ish) with them wearing their own thing when they’re teenagers? (Just out of interest.)

Does she make them bath/shower and have their hair washed and brushed? Or is she all cool and free and easy about that too?

I'm with you. It's a form of attention seeking, look at me I'm so special! The rules don't apply to me because I'm so unique!

Clearly none of the places you mentioned have strict uniform rules if the girls can wear what they want. Unclench.

She'll be the one doing the sad face for the Daily Venom once Darling Fifbellalou-Maie is excluded for turning up in a dolphin costume, not you.

And she'll be the one whose Darling Adorabelinna is only ever photographed at the periphery of shots.

And she'll be the one whose 'free spirits' become accountants at an investment bank with a super strict dress code because all they remember of secondary school was being called Charity Shop and Scarecrow.

Unless of course, they're minted, and then they'll be the trustafarians with dreadlocks and cocklodger boyfriends called Cloud and Mizzle.

I do let my daughters put their own outfits together on non-school days, within reason although draw the line at stuff that doesn’t fit although a bit of fancy dress never hurt anyone, but wouldn’t let them not wear uniform for school or uniformed clubs. So I think expression within reason is absolutely fine but school in particular is about (useful, life skill) conformity and uniform is part of that.

You sound like hard work. Just let your friend get on with it. Why do you care?

I think you need to loosen up - its healthy for kids to have a choice, its not healthy to dress them up and parade them like dollies in identical outfits.

For Sat Ballet at this age its not a big deal - at 14 it might be but not at this age. And then its more about discipline and appropriate clothes for the activity than all looking the same and being primped.

In terms of school - that is up to School to Police but actually at primary uniform is optional.

We need people who are different believe it or not or we all end up as sheep and will follow (Boris) over the cliff

I wouldn’t like my children wearing shoes that don’t fit but I don’t see the issue with clothes. 🤷🏻‍♀️ You sound quite controlling - of your children and you want to be of other people’s children.

Your friend sounds great. Relax OP!

btw only think I would take issue with is too small shoes for all times or too big shoes when out and about. Wearing M&Ds shoes at home is part of being a kid

It sounds like she's one of those parents who prides themselves on drawing attention to themselves and how cool and unique they are. 🙄

Ultimately it's for each organisation to decide their threshold for having a uniform. To me they should either have a uniform and follow it, or abandon it. There's no point having a uniform for everyone other than one child.

I'd put money on them being centre stage of the local newspaper aged 11 when it turns out the local secondary school really does expect uniform to be followed so Pixie Rainbow Dust is sent home for ignoring the rules on the first day of y7.

What annoys me more is that children who cannot consent have their photograph shared on a social media website.
Regardless of privacy settings, the photographs are there indefinitely and not for the benefit of the children because they are not old enough to have access to social media.