To think she should follow the rules?

[suchameanie]

I’m preparing to get flamed here I really am!
Anyway, friend has 2 girls. Ever since they were tiny she has let them choose their own outfits, put together any combo they like, wear clothes far too big or small, shoes 4 times too big or so small their toes are scrunched up and even her clothes or DHs clothes.
Fair enough, she believes kids should express themselves. I’m very anal about what my kids wear and I think it gives off a good impression if they are clean, tiny, in properly fitting shoes and clothes, but that’s entirely my choice!
An average day would be her 8 year old daughter wearing red leggings, pink skirt, odd socks pulled up over the leggings, perhaps her mums jumper or cardie and her feet squeezed into her 5 year old sisters shoes. Not a look I’d allow, but not my circus, not my monkeys!
Anyway, my main bug bear at the moment is the kids doing uniformed activities.
Tonight at ballet her daughter had on Cinderella leggings, underneath a swimming costume. When she goes to school she’ll wear some uniform, but often flouts the rules and will wear say a red sparkly t-shirt under her pinafore, or rainbow tights.
They’ve taken a photo of the ballet class tonight to put on social media, and all the students look impeccable in matching uniform, except for friends daughter in her Cinderella leggings and swimming costume.
I don’t know why it annoys me so much, but it does!
My kids ask if they can wear rainbow tights to school etc as their friend does and I refuse. It just makes my mornings harder as they want to match their friend.
My friend thinks it looks quirky and that her DD will probably be a fashion designer, but truthfully she just looks scruffy when everyone else is wearing the same thing.
What are your thoughts?

Yabu you sound very stuffy op. I think it's important for dc or anyone for that matter to express themselves in what they wear

I can't believe you'd start a thread on how your friend's child dresses

She sounds like an attention seeking idiot.

Most parents do not allow this, despite the replies on here. You rarely see children dressed that badly, especially in parents clothes too fgs.

Other than the shoes and sticking to the uniform... then this actually sounds amazing.
I'd love it if my daughter had the confidence or want to do this when shes older.

My kids do dress up, at home. And at weekends I let them choose their own outfit, which 99% of the time is a dress. They know the rules tho, in winter they need to choose a long sleeved dress, in summer anything goes! But you can’t really go wrong with a dress and tights. Mine hate wearing trousers so don’t go too crazy with their combos.
If we are going out for a meal, or somewhere with lots of family then I will usually choose an outfit appropriate for that occasion.
I think it’s mainly the uniform being flouted that annoys me. Like rules don’t apply to my friend.

I wouldn't let my children wear shoes that were too small/large because it damages their feet. Otherwise, I don't care if their clothing mismatches or looks odd. Life is too short.

Meant to add: the uniform thing is annoying, but if the place isn't enforcing it, not much that can be done.
They'll have a shock when they get to secondary or work.

OP you sound just like my dm.
Even know she looks down on me if I wear something "unsuitable" in her eyes.
My dcs wear what they want.
They are provided with fully compliant school uniform if they chose not to wear it they face the consequences not me.
Who cares what they look like. You can only get away with dressing like that when your a child let them.

Tonight at ballet her daughter had on Cinderella leggings, underneath a swimming costume.

Photograph, or it didn't happen

The only thing I would be bothered about is them wearing shoes that don't fit.

YABU.

Children are children and have odd fancies. If the ballet school care, they will tell the Mother.

It's nothing to do with you and in all honesty, you're a bit weird for even thinking about it.

God she’s got years of toeing the line ahead of her...who cares if she wears rainbow tights to school?
If you are driven to conform, bash on. We’re all different.

And for how long are you planning to choose what your children wear?? You do realise it's good for them to be able to make choices about their clothing right? That's how they learn.

If they choose a thin dress and then get cold, they'll know not to next time. If you're always there babying them, they will be incapable when they go away with friends or on school trips away.

YABU. The too-small shoe thing could be a problem if she does that a lot as feet are still growing and being squashed too much can lead to deformities. Everything else is you wanting to control other people the way you control your children. Some activities whether it's compulsory like school or voluntary like ballet have uniforms or dress codes and are strict, some are not. there's no evidence that being strict on appearance or not improves performance so it's really up to the group.

I sort of understand your annoyance that it makes mornings more work, but this happens to plenty of parents that have to stick to very rigid uniform codes too. Kids want to be able to do what others do but they also dislike things they find uncomfortable and strict rules rarely fit all well.

My kids go to a school without uniform. They keep asking for things many of their classmates have that I don't think are appropriate at their age and occasionally try to go to school in something that isn't going to be practical. Of course, they go on about it a bit but it's really not hard to say "No" so long as you have a good relationship with your kids and you listen to them and adapt rather than just expecting them to conform to your will. You surely do this with things like media anyway? It's a part of life to learn that families are different and that we can't expect everything to be the same.

Is it worth exploring why you feel so angry about it? It sounds like even you think your reaction is irrational so maybe it's not actually about what the child wears? Is there something else, either with this parent or, perhaps, with your own life that makes this the focus of your ire?

ITs not about the kids, its about her bolstering her own cool credibility. Its just a bit sad.....

I suspect that in a few years, when her DD's start getting the piss taken out of them at school and want to conform, she will start spending ££££££ on designer so that she can best everyone else in a different way.

As I said, sad really.

Different strokes et al. Not for me, but i don't care what other people allow their children to dress as. When at home, my children dress how they want, but they know when we go out they dress with 'smart' clothes as my daughter puts it. Also - constant use of wrong sized shoes might not be the best tbh - your mates children clothes i dont care about, the shoes might be an issue for growing feet

I agree with you about school uniform - how can teachers expect to enforce school rules if parents don't back them up?

The ballet photo wouldn't bother me though, it's different IMO for an extra curricular activity.

Shoes should be properly fitting to avoid foot problems, anything else is fine in my opinion if they are fine with it and it's not breaking the set out rules for school or classes.

Our school allows for non school coloured leggings/tights under dresses and personally I think it's cute. Soon enough the kids will be forced in to an adult world with adult rules, let them be kids.

Mind your own business, it really and truly has no effect on you whatsoever.

Oh my dd wears the most ridiculous things and sails as close to the uniform wind as she can at various activities. As an avid rule follower it makes me cringe but she’s not actually breaking any rules.

I've always let my kids choose own clothes but I agree school is school what's the point of rules if no one follow up.

I also wouldn't let my kids wear too small shoes and they could only choose from their own wardrobe. Omg the fighting if they just randomly wire each other's clothes!!! (My eldest 2 will share but they always ask)

Why do you care though? I know you say it’s an inconvenience to you but maybe it’s a good thing that your children see someone flouting the rules. Always confirming isn’t good for children either. I must admit that I wouldn’t choose this method of teaching free thinking (and I’d never allow children wearing ill fitting shoes) but I wouldn’t presume to judge her for this.

*conforming

Your friends kids will go far in life, they've been taught self confidence and expression, not dull pointless rule following. I work in early talent/future of work space, employers of 2035 aren't looking for dull little drones in matchy matchy outfits.

Your friend is an awesome parent to have her kids that kind of confidence

Does it really matter?

At school you simply tell your kids that some people don't follow the rules, but you are people who do and they are to wear the correct uniform. Just because someone else wears something, doesn't mean they should. It's a good example to set your DC.

But I wouldn't be so bothered about it. They're not your kids, they're not doing you or your DC any harm, why are you so emotionally invested?

ITs not about the kids, its about her bolstering her own cool credibility. Its just a bit sad.....
That's how I feel about it.

When you look around there's lots of children who have their own preferences and don't look like they're from a catalogue and they manage to get by without adopting the "look how quirky I am through my children" approach.