To think she should follow the rules?

[suchameanie]

I’m preparing to get flamed here I really am!
Anyway, friend has 2 girls. Ever since they were tiny she has let them choose their own outfits, put together any combo they like, wear clothes far too big or small, shoes 4 times too big or so small their toes are scrunched up and even her clothes or DHs clothes.
Fair enough, she believes kids should express themselves. I’m very anal about what my kids wear and I think it gives off a good impression if they are clean, tiny, in properly fitting shoes and clothes, but that’s entirely my choice!
An average day would be her 8 year old daughter wearing red leggings, pink skirt, odd socks pulled up over the leggings, perhaps her mums jumper or cardie and her feet squeezed into her 5 year old sisters shoes. Not a look I’d allow, but not my circus, not my monkeys!
Anyway, my main bug bear at the moment is the kids doing uniformed activities.
Tonight at ballet her daughter had on Cinderella leggings, underneath a swimming costume. When she goes to school she’ll wear some uniform, but often flouts the rules and will wear say a red sparkly t-shirt under her pinafore, or rainbow tights.
They’ve taken a photo of the ballet class tonight to put on social media, and all the students look impeccable in matching uniform, except for friends daughter in her Cinderella leggings and swimming costume.
I don’t know why it annoys me so much, but it does!
My kids ask if they can wear rainbow tights to school etc as their friend does and I refuse. It just makes my mornings harder as they want to match their friend.
My friend thinks it looks quirky and that her DD will probably be a fashion designer, but truthfully she just looks scruffy when everyone else is wearing the same thing.
What are your thoughts?

I think the school should clamp down as it’s reallt unfair on other kids to have a uniform and not enforce it. Ballet too, to a lesser extent. On their own time they can wear what they like, except the ill fitting shoes which will damage their feet.

My kids wore mad stuff when they were little but not in uniform situations - I had a son in a dress wjen he was a toddler (often too big or combined with a pirate outfit), a dd who was Robin Hood for a fortnight, and wore a crown constantly to nursery at another time. I think it’s ok as long as it’s not a rules scenario.

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Tonight at ballet her daughter had on Cinderella leggings, underneath a swimming costume.

She wouldn't have got away with that at DD's ballet class, 14 years later I can still feel the withering look I had for DD's substandard bun and for forgetting her regulation pants and sending her in....tinkerbell pants.

I'm pretty sure that uniform is not legally enforceable at primary school.

Really Op, it's nothing to do with you whatsoever. Just shrug it off.

YANBU.

I have two boys aged 5 and 18 months. They are well turned out. They’re aren’t necessarily expensively dressed (primark to zara to mayoral) but they are tidy and their clothes match (not each other but their general outfits)

They can dress how the like at home and my five year old often does but when we go out he’s isn’t dressed like a dog’s dinner.

I’ll take the flaming but I don’t care

Bloody awesome (though I can see it's annoying)

I'm pretty sure that uniform is not legally enforceable at primary school

Of course it isn’t but teaching a child to flout rules is going to bite you on the arse later. They need to learn that it’s not all about what they want and at times they need to conform

My only issue is ill fitting shoes. The rest in non of your beeswax, ofcourse you can have an opinion but that's as far as it goes.

Even you don't know why this bothers you! You need to unclench.

I'm with your feiend. It really doesn't matter what they wear. There are many more important things to worry about.
You sound quite judgemental to be honest.

I think it’s mainly the uniform being flouted that annoys me. Like rules don’t apply to my friend

Well if they are not enforced by the people who make those rules, maybe they aren’t actually important?

It isn’t your business.

I am SO pleased my kids went to a nice uniform’ primary.

‘No uniform primary’, not nice uniform.

I’m also with your friend. My daughter also has a “unique” (aka hideous) sense of style. I love it, encourage it. Plenty of time for her to be self-conscious and conformist when she’s older. If I can help build her confidence now in her choices and sense of self so as to minimise that, then great! And thank goodness schools don’t have uniforms here.

You sound very....rigid... She’s a little girl and clothes can be fun. Why not let them be expressive when they’re small? All of the rest of life is full of rules. Just don’t let it bother you. I can’t for one second imagine why it does.

And she'll be the one whose 'free spirits' become accountants at an investment bank with a super strict dress code because all they remember of secondary school was being called Charity Shop and Scarecrow

This is me minus the well paying investment bank job. Literally everything in my wardrobe is plain grey or black after a childhood spent wearing my mother’s concocted coordinated creations and having the piss ripped out of me on a daily basis

Wearing shoes that don't fit properly sounds daft and not good for healthy bone development. I'm sure there's a middle ground where children can be allowed to express themselves, whilst being guided towards properly fitting and weather appropriate clothing.

Why be a sheep? Live a little.
How would you like it if your oh picked your clothes every day? Why is ok for people to dictate what their kids wear?

Ts not about the kids, its about her bolstering her own cool credibility. Its just a bit sad.....

maybe, maybe not. My own daughter can dress similar, I hate it but I will not force her to conform when it's not necessary. There are times I've taken her out and been crinigng at her choice but it is her choice and she has the right to wear what she wants. Her wardrobe is slowly conforming to matching outfits, I'm just learning to be more selective in the clothes I show her and shop more online so I can filter them first.

Badly fitting shoes aside, this really doesn't matter and I'm not sure why it bothers you so much. If school were that bothered about the uniform, they would have said something. They haven't, so why shouldn't the kids go their own way?
My kids don't dress like the girls you describe, but I haven't been able to "tell" them what they should wear for a long time! My youngest pretty much always wears odd socks, and nothing ever matches. But I think it looks cute!For school, I remind them fairly often that when they go into year 7 they will have so wear proper trousers, smart shoes etc, so it won't come as a shock. But right now, they can wear what they like.

While they would wear uniform for school (and clubs if the club had a uniform) mine always pretty much dressed themselves - but shoes would fit etc

My 17 year old did look at a picture of herself aged about 7 and asked me why I let her go out wearing that - floral leggings under a jumpsuit and boots. Because that was what she wanted to wear

There are certain rules - such as if it's cold I'd make them put a jumper on but otherwise it's up to them for example today my youngest had on tracksuit bottoms and a knitted jumper - to me, the tracksuit bottoms go with a sweatshirt and the knitted jumper with jeans or trousers. If we were going out somewhere nice I would have made him change one or the other

Shoes have to fit. At school you have to follow uniform rules. Doing sports or other activities you have to follow the rules on what is safe to wear. Otherwise, have at it, wear whatever you feel like, more or less.

BlouseAndSkirt
I would love a non uniform primary school.

I still have an issue with children being groomed and dressed in a way to satisfy their parent's need for attention.

Your friends child sounds like me, I did and still do dress like this, it gave me a care free attitude to appearance that has made that side of growing up super easy for me.
Live and let live I say x

Actually wearing shoes 4 sizes too big? Sounds like an exaggeration to me. Which makes me question the level of hyperbole in the rest of your descriptions. Probably not as frequently dramatic as you suggest. Odd that you’re so well acquainted with their shoe size too

Even if you did randomly have a conversation about shoes with one of them, shoe size is so variable that it could easily not really be 4 sizes. My daughter is a 1.5, but has a pair of trainers that is quite randomly a 4. Had she grabbed that same range trainer from her older brother in a 5, it would have been slightly large on her - but conversationally you would say she’s a 1.5 in a 5. But actually, not at all.

You seem to spend a lot of your OP saying it’s not your business. On that, YANBU

Ah OP as someone who spend the first 4 years of my DD’s Life dressing her in matchy matchy, prim and proper Boden outfits, with matching handmade hair clips and bows. I can tell you now that it was all a cover up for my own insecurities!! This is what I know now...I was suffering with PND and so my control was to make everything look perfect from the outside...and so my dd looked the pretty picture!! The I had a revelation, had some counseling and went back to work!!! My dd now wears whatever she likes...tutus to the park, leggings to a party, a sequin dress with stripped tights and a Jojo bow (I used to want to vomit on sight of them) BUT...I am happier, she is happier!! No amount of matching Boden outfits can cover up a miserable parent or child!!

Shoes that don't fit is bad it could damage her feet but otherwise why not. My 4 year old chooses her clothes from her wardrobe (only things that fit) everyday she makes some interesting choices but sure why not