To think she should follow the rules?

[suchameanie]

I’m preparing to get flamed here I really am!
Anyway, friend has 2 girls. Ever since they were tiny she has let them choose their own outfits, put together any combo they like, wear clothes far too big or small, shoes 4 times too big or so small their toes are scrunched up and even her clothes or DHs clothes.
Fair enough, she believes kids should express themselves. I’m very anal about what my kids wear and I think it gives off a good impression if they are clean, tiny, in properly fitting shoes and clothes, but that’s entirely my choice!
An average day would be her 8 year old daughter wearing red leggings, pink skirt, odd socks pulled up over the leggings, perhaps her mums jumper or cardie and her feet squeezed into her 5 year old sisters shoes. Not a look I’d allow, but not my circus, not my monkeys!
Anyway, my main bug bear at the moment is the kids doing uniformed activities.
Tonight at ballet her daughter had on Cinderella leggings, underneath a swimming costume. When she goes to school she’ll wear some uniform, but often flouts the rules and will wear say a red sparkly t-shirt under her pinafore, or rainbow tights.
They’ve taken a photo of the ballet class tonight to put on social media, and all the students look impeccable in matching uniform, except for friends daughter in her Cinderella leggings and swimming costume.
I don’t know why it annoys me so much, but it does!
My kids ask if they can wear rainbow tights to school etc as their friend does and I refuse. It just makes my mornings harder as they want to match their friend.
My friend thinks it looks quirky and that her DD will probably be a fashion designer, but truthfully she just looks scruffy when everyone else is wearing the same thing.
What are your thoughts?

The shoe thing I wouldn't go for as I wouldn't want them damaging their feet. But the clothing I couldn't get worked up about. If school and ballet class are not getting upset with the parent over the uniform breaches then you need to chill out and back off.

I would have LOVED having a parent able to giggle with me about a 'secret' uniform breach as a kid :D

DD's school used to put students in isolation for consistently breaking uniform rules

That's disgraceful. Effectively the school is saying that its obsession with uniform is more important than educating children.

I agree with a PP that there’s no point in having a uniform unless everyone conforms.

If that's the only point in having a uniform, then there's no point at all, is there?

www.telegraph.co.uk/family/schooling/petty-maybe-but-strict-school-uniform-rules-can-be-the-making-of/

Basically, I agree with this. Performance of students at Mossbourne academy in Hackney was turned around and a substantial reason was raising of standards: including adherence to uniform policy.

If school or ballet have issues with what is worn then that is for them to tackle.

Day to day I have no issue with children being able to pick what they wear as long as it is vaguely suitable. I wouldn’t like someone telling me what to wear and how to wear it.

My DD has been wearing what she wanted since age 2 as she would just undress and put something else on if she didnt like the clothes I had dressed her in which was most days We had other battles to fight so I let her get on with it (always her own clothes though and would have insisted on shoes that fit) DS has been known to wear DDs clothes when he was a toddler.
However school uniform for me is non negotiable and would stick to the rules with that and dance. (Although she went through a scruffy/boho phase between 3-6, now as a teen, really wants to blend in and conform)

Shoes should fit. Less concerned and clothes as long as the children are warm enough.

As long as schools and clubs aren’t complaining I really don’t see the issue.

The children might need to learn that there are certain situations were we all need to follow some rules and why (shoes fitting is a good example), but I really can’t get worked up about the rest

There was a child at my DC school that used to wear "nearly" school uniform but a trendier version iyswim. The parents are very cool and really lovely people but they did seem to think a few other rules didnt apply them as well.

My neighbour kids were the same, their mum also talked a lot about letting them “express themselves”, but if you were a bit close to their
Mum you would know the girls were so careless in their dress sense not because they didn’t want to conform but because their mum couldn’t find the will to have a routine that helped her house working well. You could hardly walk in the kids rooms as the floor was covered in heaps of dirty or damaged clothes, there was hardly anything in the fridge and the kids were fishing out pieces of clothing out of that mess every single day.

I think you need to make an appointment to have the stick extracted from your arse OP. But that's just my opinion.

Yo put it in a way, what the mother dressed as self expression was in fact a great symptom of neglect.

Clothes and shoes should fit, everything else I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. She’s giving her kids the confidence to be different.

... or neglecting them.

Clothes and shoes should fit, everything else I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. She’s giving her kids the confidence to be different.
I used to think this about my DD. She had clean clothes that fitted but were mismatched and alternative. At 3 or 5 she just wanted to wear what she wanted. But shes never been confident and now as a teen would hate to stand out or be different in any way.

I do get why it’s annoying to the op the message is rather “we are special and unique unlike the rest of you in your uniforms”. We are a rule following family and comply with uniform as its part of the contract of being in the organisation but dd2 since forever has had strong views on what she wears. She has real style devours fashion magazines and friends who are senior in fashion impressed at her already. Older dd just wants to follow the crowd. So sometimes it is something that genuinely interests the kid

Meh, if the school etc don't care then neither would I. The choice to follow the "rules" is yours as you say. The fact the child is permitted to dress as she pleases show they aren't actually rules, just guidance or whatever.

@suchameanie despite what many on this thread are saying, I think peope will do the same than you and judge.
Because if they were so cool about it, there would be many many more children with ‘unconventional’ uniforms at school/ballet/whatever.

I’ve left my dcs house what to wear since they were about 2yo. But in their cupboard, there was only the stuff they could wear. Aka it was appropriate for size and season.
I dont think that shoes that are the wrong size is a good idea. It’s damaging for the feet if too small and hazard if too big.
The person running the ballet class is the one to decide of an unusual clothes are ok. I wouodnt be allowing a swimming costume but the tights? Probably yes.
Same with the school and the rainbow tights (I’ve actually seen a few children with similar type of tights....).

The other side of the picture is that it’s all good to let children express themselves but I believe they also need to know how to fit in. Being quirky works well if you also have the strength to hold your POV. She will stand out as a teen and this wouod be hard for her to navigate. So the question is: has her mum taught her the tools needed to navigate schools/friends etc..l when you visibly dint fit in and dint want to? What about when the secondary school will insist on a strict uniform (plenty of threads and stories about that)?
All that assuming the whole reason for her choice isn’t that she isn’t actually coping.

I hate seeing kids conform, if you can't be wild and express yourself with confidence as a child when will you. My ds1 with his long blond hair, yellow trousers, pink shoes and purple top (typical days outfit!) turns a few heads but he is a insanely confident and stylish. L
School should enforce the rules if they want, if they don't then rainbow tights do no harm.

There is a happy medium to be found, I think. You sound way too controlling about what your children wear, OP. Your friend sounds irresponsible.

In my view, shoes should always fit and clothes should be suitable for the weather. If there is a uniform, it's up to the school or ballet teacher etc to enforce the rules. Beyond that, I don't see why children shouldn't be allowed to wear what they like. Who cares if they're well coordinated?! As for making a good impression, who judges children on how they're dressed?!

Fwiw for those saying she is giving the children the confidence to be different...

In my experience for having children who are different (they are dual national and bilingual), it’s easy when they are little. Roughly up to the child’s age. But when they start Y5~6 and above, it can be a real challenge. I’ve seen my dcs moving from being confident and proud and actually finding a pain because they are always labelled as they child who is ’ rather than just who they are.
A child with such a quirky sense for getting dressed, one that is always standing one, will stick out as a sore thumb. It might be that she will have the confidence to stand up for herself and her choices. Or it might destroy her self esteem to always be different and never fit in.
Just wearing different clothes doesn’t make you confident. And at that age, she is unlikely to wear those clothes BECAUSE she is confident in herself.
Which is why, imo, letting your children ‘expressing themselves’ in that way is only an option if you ALSO teach them self confidence and the tools to deal with negative comments.

I think uniform is a pile of shite anyway so yabu. However clothes should fit reasonably well and shoes should fit properly.

Least she can get her kids to wear clothes, mine insist they walk around in their underwear at home. 😂 YABU over the clothes thing, the school and ballet will sort it out if they think it’s scruffy. YABNU over wearing to small of clothes and shoes though, that’s just laziness on the parents part for not sorting out what fits and what doesn’t.

Different strokes for different folks I suppose. In my experience people like this with their kids are't genuinely 'bohemian' they're trying to so how 'cool' or 'original' they are but I wouldn't get worked up about it.
Other than the shoe thing that is.
It's up to the school to enforce uniform if they want, not other parents.

All the more reason to give them some freedom before self doubt and self consciousness kicks in.

Circus... Monkeys...