To think she should follow the rules?

[suchameanie]

I’m preparing to get flamed here I really am!
Anyway, friend has 2 girls. Ever since they were tiny she has let them choose their own outfits, put together any combo they like, wear clothes far too big or small, shoes 4 times too big or so small their toes are scrunched up and even her clothes or DHs clothes.
Fair enough, she believes kids should express themselves. I’m very anal about what my kids wear and I think it gives off a good impression if they are clean, tiny, in properly fitting shoes and clothes, but that’s entirely my choice!
An average day would be her 8 year old daughter wearing red leggings, pink skirt, odd socks pulled up over the leggings, perhaps her mums jumper or cardie and her feet squeezed into her 5 year old sisters shoes. Not a look I’d allow, but not my circus, not my monkeys!
Anyway, my main bug bear at the moment is the kids doing uniformed activities.
Tonight at ballet her daughter had on Cinderella leggings, underneath a swimming costume. When she goes to school she’ll wear some uniform, but often flouts the rules and will wear say a red sparkly t-shirt under her pinafore, or rainbow tights.
They’ve taken a photo of the ballet class tonight to put on social media, and all the students look impeccable in matching uniform, except for friends daughter in her Cinderella leggings and swimming costume.
I don’t know why it annoys me so much, but it does!
My kids ask if they can wear rainbow tights to school etc as their friend does and I refuse. It just makes my mornings harder as they want to match their friend.
My friend thinks it looks quirky and that her DD will probably be a fashion designer, but truthfully she just looks scruffy when everyone else is wearing the same thing.
What are your thoughts?

YABU unclench and mind your own,

Obviously shoes not good but other than that it's fine.

My DGD dresses like your friends daughter. Ok at school she has to wear the full uniform no deviations.
But at weekend anything goes.
Last week she purchased a beret so we had to pretend she was french. Brought a Stetson home from holiday so she was American, Went to Spain became Spanish after
getting her mum to buy a flaminco dress, even goes shopping in it.
Red leggings with an orange skirt are the most popular. Will never wear a jumper or cardigan prefers belly tops.

The other people's clothes and shoes is weird but I have pics of my dd wearing outfits like a stripy top with spotty leggings which makes her cringe these days although she wishes that she had half as much confidence as those days.

I would love to see that outfit! Seriously though I agree with you OP.

It can be quite difficult to force some children into things that they do not want to wear or out of things they do want to wear. Maybe the mum is just picking her battles. I refused point blank to wear trousers as a child. My dd refused to wear a dress.

I think it’s mainly the uniform being flouted that annoys me

I really can't see how this is anyone's business but the school's and the ballet teacher's.

Thank God, I thought this was going to be another Markle thread.

As primary school uniform is not compulsory I applaud her thumbing her nose at 'rules'...and at your snobbishness

Letting children wear what they want is hardly a problem as long as it suitable for the weather. The shoes needs more parental input however.
I can’t believe you are moaning about spoiling a ballet line up for being out of “uniform”
If even felt uncomfortable writing “letting children war what the want” I mean it’s hardly hurting any one.

Wear !!!!

School uniform may not be compulsory for primary schools but at secondary schools it is enforceable. Her daughters will have a huge shock if they're allowed to dress as they please now, when they start secondary school and are expected to adhere to a strict dress code.

Can't help wondering whether this mum will start to have more of an opinion on unsuitable clothing when her dd is 14 and going out with her mates in the evening

BTW - Ballet uniform is designed so that the teacher is able to observe posture and whether the student is using the right muscles and doing the exercise correctly with the right technique. Hair is in a bun so the neckline and head position is not obscured by clouds of hair.

Wearing the wring size shoes is going to cause lasting damage if it is being done on a regular basis. Dressing up in mum and dads shoes at home is fine. Going out in them or in little sisters shoes is not alright at all.

I agree with you op.. & I do not think you need to " unclench"

I really can't see how this is anyone's business but the school's and the ballet teacher's.
It is if, for example, everyone is told the uniform involves particular shoes and ballet attire and they go out to kit their child out accordingly only for one parent to decide their child is too unique to follow the rules.

Either the uniform matters (in which case it applies to everyone), or the uniform doesn't matter (in which case don't bother having one and have a few optional suggestions).

You sound like complete opposite ends of the spectrum - both of you would be ‘too much’ for me.

I think you should follow the friendship rule of winding your neck in when it’s none of your business

It's very attention seeking on the part of the mum. I wonder when her little darling is a teenager and walks around with her arse hanging out of her jeans and a skimpy top will she be so laissez faire

How lovely it all sounds. When I was eight,all I had to wear was a navy gymslip. navy knickers,white blouse and little white ankle socks, and a navy proper wool cardigan always knit by my Mother.

I didn't seem to have much else to wear after school either, so probably kept my gymslip on till bedtime. !

You sound incredibly uptight. Bad enough being so controlling with your own kids, but extending it to other people's is ridiculous. Apart from the shoe thing, which doesn't sound great.

An average day would be her 8 year old daughter wearing red leggings, pink skirt, odd socks pulled up over the leggings, perhaps her mums jumper or cardie and her feet squeezed into her 5 year old sisters shoes

Apart from the shoes - kids shoes should fit well - I just could not judge this negatively at all.

I've re-read your post and comments, OP. I'd hate for a 'friend' to be quite so sneery and quite unpleasant about my kids and my parenting to be honest.

Nothing you say would bother me one jot, and I'm not a crazy rule-breaking non-conformist.

I think you should follow the friendship rule of winding your neck in when it’s none of your business

Quite. But posting on a forum to invite other people to take potshots at your 'friend' is also an option, obviously.

They sound fabulous. You sound like a control freak. But what they wear is nothing to do with you.

There are limits. Mismatched clothes are fine. Too big clothes are fine so long as the child isn’t likely to trip over it and injure themselves. Too small clothes aren’t great and would make me suspect neglect if I didn’t know that the children are always wearing whatever they want. Ill fitting shoes are not okay as they will cause damage. Weather inappropriate clothing also not really okay in extremes of weather.

I know a mother who doesn’t force any boundaries with her children, her 2yo is often wearing shoes that he can barely walk in, bare legs in freezing weather etc ‘because he wanted to’ and it’s part of a larger pattern of neglect.

Another child I know used to wear her much older sisters t shirts as dresses and would layer tutus, swimming costumes, clashing colours, etc. But was always dressed in clothing suitable for the weather and shoes that fitted properly That was fine.

I don't see it as a huge issue (apart from the shoes). If the school or the ballet teacher have a problem with how they look then it is up to them to say something. They are still little girls when all said and done, especially the 5 year old. When they are a bit older it might be prudent for their mother to gradually start to encourage more conventional dressing, at least part of the time as most secondary schools would not tolerate such uniform breaches. I imagine it would be hard for the children to go from virtually zero restrictions to strict uniform in one fell swoop.
But they aren't harming anyone are they? And you can't do anything about it anyway, so why let it bother you? My youngest spent a great deal of his early childhood dressed as a penguin but these days he won't leave the house unless his socks are precisely the same shade of black and his hair is perfectly groomed. These girls will probably change as they grow up too.