To think she should follow the rules?

[suchameanie]

I’m preparing to get flamed here I really am!
Anyway, friend has 2 girls. Ever since they were tiny she has let them choose their own outfits, put together any combo they like, wear clothes far too big or small, shoes 4 times too big or so small their toes are scrunched up and even her clothes or DHs clothes.
Fair enough, she believes kids should express themselves. I’m very anal about what my kids wear and I think it gives off a good impression if they are clean, tiny, in properly fitting shoes and clothes, but that’s entirely my choice!
An average day would be her 8 year old daughter wearing red leggings, pink skirt, odd socks pulled up over the leggings, perhaps her mums jumper or cardie and her feet squeezed into her 5 year old sisters shoes. Not a look I’d allow, but not my circus, not my monkeys!
Anyway, my main bug bear at the moment is the kids doing uniformed activities.
Tonight at ballet her daughter had on Cinderella leggings, underneath a swimming costume. When she goes to school she’ll wear some uniform, but often flouts the rules and will wear say a red sparkly t-shirt under her pinafore, or rainbow tights.
They’ve taken a photo of the ballet class tonight to put on social media, and all the students look impeccable in matching uniform, except for friends daughter in her Cinderella leggings and swimming costume.
I don’t know why it annoys me so much, but it does!
My kids ask if they can wear rainbow tights to school etc as their friend does and I refuse. It just makes my mornings harder as they want to match their friend.
My friend thinks it looks quirky and that her DD will probably be a fashion designer, but truthfully she just looks scruffy when everyone else is wearing the same thing.
What are your thoughts?

It's a type of Munchausen Syndrome. She wants to be thought of as a free thinking creative type but in reality she's probably as creative as an onion.

The only way she can get the impression across though is through her children. Very sad and she'd be better off reading a book. Silly sod.

You know her Pauline?

Or did you just imagine all that and state it as though it were fact?

Hi @pictish!

Do you know her then? If not, how do you know that my opinion isn't the right one?

I think I'm bang on the money and I wouldn't be at all surprised if I do know her!

*Oh and by the way, it's 'flouting' the rules, not 'flaunting'. 'Flaunting' something means showing it off8

That's precisely my point, Lazylinguist. People who are keen on rules nevertheless write about flaunting them instead of flouting them, thereby breaking rules.

And how do you know they do so because they haven't been taught, as opposed to not caring, or breaking more rules by failing to pay attention in class when those rules were taught?

Tonight at ballet her daughter had on Cinderella leggings, underneath a swimming costume.

As a mum of a child who finds it impossible to make decisions, who is afraid of standing out and is lacking in confidence, I applaud this child.

Whatever her mum is doing is working!

Which rules, yours?

The only issue I have here is ill fitting shoes, and that is your opinion unless you have personally checked the fit of the shoes.
It is up to school and dance club to police the uniform, not you. You are upset the photograph was not all matching and are apparently very judgemental. I feel for your children, who I am sure are perfectly groomed but are they actually happy?.

Bollocks to conforming with dress codes!
It really isn’t necessary and I think it can lead to anxiety and stress, constantly worrying about the opinions of others.

Teach children to have resilience and confidence in themselves and their own choices in life.

I know some kids whose parents are like this. Our uniform policy is quite relaxed anyway but they do like to find ways to flout it. Their general attitude to doing anything at all (no matter how reasonable) is to refuse. These are kids without additional needs. Their attitude is crap and I think the parents don't realise what a shock secondary is going to be.

I think there is a time and place for letting kids express themselves freely in how they dress but school isn't it.

Teach children to have resilience and confidence in themselves and their own choices in life
That's easy to say but in my experience the people who think they're teaching confidence in their own decisions, bollocks to rules I don't like etc almost never seem willing to accept consequences for their actions
E.g.
Parent: have confidence to wear leggings and trainers instead of school uniform, be unique, don't worry what anyone says. You do you.

Same parent: AIBU to complain to the head because a teacher told my child to wear uniform. I've brought my child up to have confidence in their decisions and that they don't need to worry about other people's thoughts and opinions. It's outrageous for the school to say my child hasnt met expectations. They're such a delight and we'll behaved so I don't see what the issue is. AIBU to say I do not consent to any sanctions?

Aka, have confidence and do what you lie but fall apart and complain if there's consequences to thinking you're so damn special and unique, so there's not enough confidence and resilience to take the consequences. In fact the so called resilience only applies to ignoring rules we don't like because in the event if bring challenged suddenly it's all so damaging to the fragile self esteem of someone confident to do what they like.

Perhaps the little girl is ASD or has some other difficulties that the school and the ballet class are aware of??

Nobody IS ASD Proud. People can HAVE an ASD but they're not their diagnoses.

I only wish my DD could choose her own clothes. Ffs let’s live and let live

BillHadersNewWife quite a few people describe themselves as ASD because they see themselves as autistic, that is, it is not a diagnosis, it is who they are. You don’t really know the preferred choice of language without knowing what the specific person wants, so if talking in generalities, either is acceptable for ASD.