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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain to head teacher about finding my 5 yr old in playground at home time

212 replies

Tessadavies1001 · 13/01/2020 20:42

My daughter started at a new school today.The school made a big deal about making sure I filled in the forms about who collected her and handed it today or she couldnt start only for me to turn up to pick her up and find they don't have her. She had wondered out.We found her in the playground in a sea of parents,kids looking around and scared not far from the exit. The teacher blamed her and said she kept trying to find me but surely this would of made them keep and eye on her more.There is a teacher and 3 TAs.They have a system where they queue up out side in from of gate and she had gone through the gate while her teacher wasn't looking.In her previous school they didn't let children out unless the parent was there so she assumed I was outsid and behind the gate.Her teacher told her off and told me to make sure to tell her she needs to wait and that was that. Im in shock at what could of happened if she wandered out ,got run over or abducted.Imagine I had been late and they hadn't realised.My mum saying not to complain since it's her first day because and the teacher might resent me or my daughter for getting her in trouble with head but that sounds really backward.What should I do?

OP posts:
RubyG3112 · 13/01/2020 22:54

As a reception teacher myself, I would completely expect a parent to make an official complaint if I had released a child from the classroom without handing them directly to the parent. It's a safeguarding issue and the teacher and TAs should have vigilant systems in place to make sure this can't happen.

It's also completely unfair to blame the child, especially as it's her first day and won't know the routines and expectations.

Ishotmrburns · 13/01/2020 22:57

Now it's happened, you'll need to be there regular as clockwork in plenty of time every day, rain or shine - she'll still remember you not being there for her on her first day, but she might not be as anxious about it by somewhere around year 4

Don't be so ridiculous. Hmm

OP, you shouldn't have been late. However, this is still the school's cock up and I would also be quite peeved that they acted as if it was my 5 year old child's fault. We're not talking about drawing on walls or saying naughty words, this is a child being able to just wander off and nobody knows where she is. I know that sometimes these things can happen when you have a lot of kids to look after, but the school absolutely should have taken responsibility. I would expect an apology and an explanation of how they will make sure it doesn't happen again.

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 13/01/2020 22:58

You assumed your child would be kept in the classroom until you turned up 5 minutes late.

Why did you assume this was the case?

Genuinely why?

I work in a school. Our rule is that primary 1 to primary 3 are collected from the playground. Primary 4s onwards can make their own way home and do not need to be collected.

Primary 1 to 3 are all released into to playground but told to return to their teacher if they have no-one to pick them up. In reality in primary 1 the teacher absolutely doesn’t let the child out of the direct area of the door until they have seen the child’s parent.

I have absolutely no idea why on Earth you assumed your child would be kept in the classroom until you turned up. Did someone tell you that would be what would happen...? Otherwise I just don’t get why you would assume you could rock up 5 minutes late and your child would be kept in the classroom until this point.

turnthebiglightoff · 13/01/2020 23:00

You were completely 100% at fault. HTH

NewNameGuy · 13/01/2020 23:00

YABU for being late and planning so poorly

But you should ask to raise a formal safeguarding issue with school- a decent school would be happy to have it raised (the HT/ safeguarding lead at least)

Merryoldgoat · 13/01/2020 23:00

My son’s primary only let them out if they see us. I was late once and he was with his teacher in Reception. No way would this have happened. They did not take proper care of your child and I’d definitely mention it to the head teacher.

Whilst it’s irrelevant to your problem why you’d plan to be late for your child is frankly bizarre. If it’s awkward you get there early. My toddler is hectic AF so we leave 10 mins for a 3 min walk to ensure we’re on time.

HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 13/01/2020 23:00

I can't believe you were deliberately late for pick up and don't see anything wrong with that. What a CF 😆

Merryoldgoat · 13/01/2020 23:04

You assumed your child would be kept in the classroom until you turned up 5 minutes late.

This is entirely standard in lots of schools for 5 year olds.

R-Y2 are kept in classroom for 5 mins and then taken to Main Reception if later than that.

No young children are left to run in the playground. I’d have exactly the same expectation as the OP if I was late for my child as would every parent I know.

ineedaholidaynow · 13/01/2020 23:05

Why did you plan to be late?

Newname1978 · 13/01/2020 23:06

Oh I voted yanbu until I rtft and realised you had planned to pick your daughter up late - on her first day. And you think it's fine for parents to pick children up late and the school responsible for them. You mentioned an emergency but this wasn't an emergency. You planned it. You sound really strange.

Jeschara · 13/01/2020 23:08

You are very entitled OP, you planned to be late, and then get annoyed because your daughter walked out in the playground.
Yes maybe the school was at fault, but you were worse you were arrogant and negligent. You could not even be bothered to find out which classroom your child was in.
Sorry but you come across as a very irresponsible parent.

BackforGood · 13/01/2020 23:09

Wow. Can't believe ANYONE would plan to turn up late to collect their child on their first day at a new school Shock
Let alone when their child is s little.

Then still not see anything wrong with that.
Wow. Just wow.

JemimaPuddleCat · 13/01/2020 23:09

I always thought it was fucking bonkers how dramatic and over-protective some English schools seem to be about kids going in and out of school.
But then, when some parents are idiotic to deliberately turn up late for collection, especially when the child doesn't know what to do...

OP, be on time for school. Tell your kid if you're not there, go back and wait.

Newname1978 · 13/01/2020 23:10

@ineedaholidaynow

Why did you plan to be late?

Because her buggy is big I think Confused
You should have been there early especially as it was her first day. However you should be there early every day if your big buggy stops you getting through

Greenmarmalade · 13/01/2020 23:10

Definitely complain. Massive safeguarding fail!

CadburyFlake · 13/01/2020 23:12

Your point was lost when you admitted planning to arrive late. Being delayed wouldn't be great but sometimes unavoidable but to plan to be late on the first day when you said said you generally were early at the previous school. ?

Why!?

I struggle with this. My child recently started a new school. I was at the gate early to ensure that I was there whenever the class came out. First day I didn't want my child to come out and be searching for me amongst lots of unknown faces.

I'm a shoddy parent in many areas but common sense rules for things like this

I bet your child had looked forward seeing you only to find you hadn't turned up.

New school, long challenging day for her it's a bit shitty. ☹️

RabbitBeaver · 13/01/2020 23:13

As a year 1 TA I was horrified until I read you were late and it was planned. Every day the same kids are left 10 odd mins before we take them to the office and the kids faces drop when they realise no one is here for them. Especially on her first day!

We go through routines and would have kept an extra special eye on her.

3 TA’s and a teacher in one class? Wow, I want to work at that school!

I’d leave the complaint and make sure I was early tomorrow and see how it goes. Make sure you tell your daughter to listen to the teacher or ask if she’s unsure of what to do.

StreetwiseHercules · 13/01/2020 23:13

Hilarious! 😂😂😂

MsPasspartout · 13/01/2020 23:17

I think OP has a fair point.

Yes, she should have planned to arrive early or at least on time, yes, she should have checked pick up arrangements so she knew precisely which gate or door to collect her DD from.

But still. The teachers should be making sure that the kids don’t wander away before their parents arrive, they should be keeping the kids safe until the parents turn up. OP might have been late because of a genuine emergency for all they knew.

applesauce1 · 13/01/2020 23:22

I once taught the child of a parent who would always collect between 10 and 20 minutes late so he could miss the rush and get a convenient parking space.

Of course, I have nothing better to do than provide free child care for parents who value their own time more than mine. I felt so sorry for the child.

I personally wanted to enforce a rule that consistent late pick ups would lead to children being taken to after school club and parents to be charged accordingly, but the head felt it was easier if the teachers just provided this service instead 🙄

Deadringer · 13/01/2020 23:25

The teacher should have ensured that your dd didn't leave her care, absolutely, she dropped ball there. But, if you had been on time and waiting for your child when she came out, presumably it wouldn't have happened?

Deadringer · 13/01/2020 23:26

Dropped *the ball

Emmelina · 13/01/2020 23:28

Looks like both sides got off on the wrong foot here.
Teacher shouldn’t have released child into playground.
You should have been there early, not planning to be a few minutes late and then being even later than planned. You plan early then if there’s a delay you’re still there on time. Your child must have been worried you’d left her in this strange new place.
It was the first day in a new school, out of interest why was she moved from the last one? Did you move, or was there a problem?

cabbageking · 13/01/2020 23:34

Because it was her first day she was vulnerable and they bear all responsibility to protect her and ensure the right person collects the child.
They are totally out of order. It is their responsibility to ensure she knew the procedures but that they supervised her correctly.

The child is not at fault.

Poster wasn't late.
She said what would have happened if she had been late in this situation. Instead of her finding the child on the playground she could have wandered off or been taken by any other person?

First day the child should have been a priority.

Rosebel · 13/01/2020 23:52

Second update OP said she planned to be at least 5 minutes late and was then even later because she waited in the wrong place. Yes the school should have been more careful but I can't bear parents who can't be bothered to pick their children up on time.

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