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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To complain to head teacher about finding my 5 yr old in playground at home time

212 replies

Tessadavies1001 · 13/01/2020 20:42

My daughter started at a new school today.The school made a big deal about making sure I filled in the forms about who collected her and handed it today or she couldnt start only for me to turn up to pick her up and find they don't have her. She had wondered out.We found her in the playground in a sea of parents,kids looking around and scared not far from the exit. The teacher blamed her and said she kept trying to find me but surely this would of made them keep and eye on her more.There is a teacher and 3 TAs.They have a system where they queue up out side in from of gate and she had gone through the gate while her teacher wasn't looking.In her previous school they didn't let children out unless the parent was there so she assumed I was outsid and behind the gate.Her teacher told her off and told me to make sure to tell her she needs to wait and that was that. Im in shock at what could of happened if she wandered out ,got run over or abducted.Imagine I had been late and they hadn't realised.My mum saying not to complain since it's her first day because and the teacher might resent me or my daughter for getting her in trouble with head but that sounds really backward.What should I do?

OP posts:

Original poster

Tessadavies1001 · 13/01/2020 21:49

I don't know how it all became about me being late.The teachers DID fail to safeguard my child, I have no doubts about that. I just wanted to know people's opinions about whether I should make a complaint but I have decided to speak to head instead of writing a formal letter of complaint.

OP posts:

ShawshanksRedemption · 13/01/2020 21:49

It sounds like your daughter had disobeyed the teacher, hence the teacher not being happy with her. Yes, the teacher/TA should have kept a closer eye after the first time she disobeyed, but it is important to impress home to your DD that she obey the teacher to keep her safe.

As others have said, you need to be there ready to pick up on time. Things can sometimes happen, we can all be late, but please don't plan to be late. That's just adding to your DD's anxiety on a day that was probably quite anxious for her in the first place.

CallofDoodee · 13/01/2020 21:53

Ooooh, OP, surely you know that a huge MN crime is being anything more than 38 seconds late to b pick your kid up from school

In this instance I actually agree that you should no way have planned to be 5 mins late to pick up your DD on her first day, but as I read that I knew you would get your arse handed to you!

Haffdonga · 13/01/2020 21:53

Of course it matters if a parent is late.

The school has a responsibility to hand your child over to your care safely. You have a responsibility to be there and receive your child safely.

Your dd went to look for you because you weren't there when you should have been. Yes, the school should not have let her wander. But if you had been there when you were supposed to be it wouldn't have happened.

I am genuinely shocked that you think the school has responsibility here (they do) but that you the parent have none, and can just rock up 10 minutes late without any apparent responsibility at all not even attempting to be on time .AND IT WAS HER FIRST DAY.

bombaychef · 13/01/2020 21:55

I'm sorry but you were late to pick her up on her first day. If that had been me, I'd have been the first one there. The teacher no doubt would expect that too. You've made it hard for her to find you; she may have been unsure exactly what you looked like as you were new too. At our school all the kids would have gone by 8 mins after they came out as parents would be in playgrounds as they come out.
Initially I was surprised that your DD wondered past you, until I realised that you weren't there

lizzzyyliveson · 13/01/2020 21:56

Yes, you should inform the Head teacher what happened. This is a safeguarding failure and could have ended badly. Ask what the procedure should have been and let them know you are disappointed with the lack of care.

DotBall · 13/01/2020 21:56

I don't think I was at fault at all

Yes. Yes you were. You should have been on time.
Until you have further evidence that the staff routinely neglect their safeguarding procedures at handover and there is genuine cause for comlaint, I really wouldn’t be kicking up a fuss tomorrow.
Your child would have seen you and not been confused and wandering (not wondering...or perhaps she was actually, wondering where you were.)

BillHadersNewWife · 13/01/2020 21:56

I think it should not matter how late a parent arrives.

you realise this makes you completely unreasonable. Of course it matters!

Karenisbaren · 13/01/2020 21:56

CallofDoodee why should a teacher have to keep hold of children because you cant be arrsed turning up on time? when they could be going home to their own children.

simplekindoflife · 13/01/2020 21:58

Wow, I can't believe people are ok about a 5year old wandering out of her classroom alone?!

Regardless of whether the OP was late... what if she'd fallen ill or had an accident and not been able to pick up? Would it be ok for her child to wander out of school then??

Unacceptable. And the teacher knows it. I work closely with a school and this would be a massive safeguarding issue.

Monkeynuts18 · 13/01/2020 22:00

I’m not sure it’s that relevant that the OP was late. The school’s safeguarding responsibilities don’t just come to an end at 3.30.

TheCanterburyWhales · 13/01/2020 22:01

Did you apologise for being late and tell the teacher you'll reinforce with your child she needs to listen and do what the teacher says at home time?Or were you too busy mouthing off about safeguarding? (it's not a safeguarding issue btw, that would be them not having had you sign the forms this morning and not having a system in place for handover. A parent who cba to pick their kid up on time might be construed as one if it happens a lot. Might think you don't give a shit about picking your kid up)

viques · 13/01/2020 22:03

tessadavies I can't believe how defensive your explanation was about deliberately planning to arrive late for your child's first day at her new school. Your poor child must have been getting very anxious when you didn't appear and she saw all the other children being collected. I'm not surprised she took the initiative and tried to find you in the playground.

Abibranning · 13/01/2020 22:04

You planned to be late and then were made later. Being late happens, but you planned it. The teacher shouldn't have allowed your child to leave and a word about that is fine, to the teacher and discuss with your child to stay in the classroom to wait for you. But you must ensure that you are there in time. This attitude that they are providing a service and it's all for them to accommodate isn't helpful. Sending a child to school is a commitment on both sides.

Haffdonga · 13/01/2020 22:04

Wow, I can't believe people are ok about a 5year old wandering out of her classroom alone?!

But I don't think a single poster has said this.

Only that the OP has responsibility to safeguard her own dd too. A responsibility she seems oblivious of.

bombaychef · 13/01/2020 22:04

You also said that you went to the wrong class. Did you not check which door they came out of? Did you check what their procedure was.
OP you seem to not want to take any responsibility for this. She was in the play ground. She was not actually put in danger. The teacher couldn't find you. The teacher has tons of other DC to deal with and probably parents to talk to. You daughter wandered off, probably to look for you. You can't expect her to be tied to a member of staff on a lead.

Letseatgrandma · 13/01/2020 22:08

I planned to pick her up at 3.35 and she finishes 3.30

Parent like you really piss me off. Try ‘planning’ to pick your kids up on bloody time and things like this won’t happen.

CherryPavlova · 13/01/2020 22:08

Safeguarding is primarily your concern. You chose not to be there for her on her first day. Look to yourself before criticising the school.

SoftSheen · 13/01/2020 22:09

The school was unreasonable to let a 5 year old wander off, particularly a new child who hasn't yet learnt the routine.

You, however, were unreasonable to turn up late. Most people would, if anything, turn up early to collect their young child after their first day in a new school! Having a buggy is a ridiculous excuse

happytoday73 · 13/01/2020 22:11

Honestly... fault here from all sides. I also feel sad you were late for your child on their first day at a new school. Perhaps the teacher was irritated with you in sympathy with your child as you were late on their important first day. She might be thoroughly lovely....

Sort your side out as that's in your direct control. Don't plan to be late again. Explain to your child what she must do in future.
Then see what happens going forward.......

Personally I'd work on building a good relationship with the school... You will ever be totally happy with every decision made or everything that happens. That's life....

SusieSusieSoo · 13/01/2020 22:12

That's a safeguarding issue. She is their responsibility until they pass her over to you. Ds is 7 and in yr2. He doesn't leave the classroom until the teacher sees me. Yes complain they need to tighten up their arrangements op x

Pomegranateseeds · 13/01/2020 22:14

Why on earth did you think it was ok to be late? And on her first day?! So bizarre!
The teacher definitely should have kept a closer eye on her, but as a one-off I don’t think it’s worth making a complaint about. She was on school premises and had slipped passed the teacher.

MonstranceClock · 13/01/2020 22:15

Wtf how is that late? Our school has a 20 minute window to pick your child up. Even if OP was late, and 5 minutes isn’t late, they shouldn’t be letting a 5 year old wander off. I’d be furious, and I’ve moved my child to a different school for less.

StoppinBy · 13/01/2020 22:15

Our old school let my daughter leave the class with another child's Dad. I was there 2 minutes after the bell rang because my baby pooped as I was walking out the door and I needed to change him, the other child said to her Dad 'let's go find C's Mum' so off they all went. I found my 5 year old standing in the car park because the other parent had decided he didn't really want to find me and just left her standing there.

You can bet I complained, there should have been 2 teachers and 2 teachers aids in that class but that day no one was there because of things they had all decided were more important, our school allows an extra 10 minutes of supervision after school in case parents are late and yet not one of those teachers or teachers aids had any idea who my daughter had left the school with or where she was only 2 minutes after the bell (I was usually early and never late apart from that one time so it wasn't something I relied on but a one off).

I wouldn't let my daughter wander round the carpark unsupervised (I doubt many parents would let their 5 year old do so either) and neither should they.

PityParty4one · 13/01/2020 22:18

School is not free of childcare.

Yes there clearly was an issue with your DD not been in the classroom however had you planned to collect her on time this would not have happened.

When you speak to the head please do make sure you tell them that when you arrived at the school as planned 5 minutes after school finishes your dd was on the playground

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