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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain to head teacher about finding my 5 yr old in playground at home time

212 replies

Tessadavies1001 · 13/01/2020 20:42

My daughter started at a new school today.The school made a big deal about making sure I filled in the forms about who collected her and handed it today or she couldnt start only for me to turn up to pick her up and find they don't have her. She had wondered out.We found her in the playground in a sea of parents,kids looking around and scared not far from the exit. The teacher blamed her and said she kept trying to find me but surely this would of made them keep and eye on her more.There is a teacher and 3 TAs.They have a system where they queue up out side in from of gate and she had gone through the gate while her teacher wasn't looking.In her previous school they didn't let children out unless the parent was there so she assumed I was outsid and behind the gate.Her teacher told her off and told me to make sure to tell her she needs to wait and that was that. Im in shock at what could of happened if she wandered out ,got run over or abducted.Imagine I had been late and they hadn't realised.My mum saying not to complain since it's her first day because and the teacher might resent me or my daughter for getting her in trouble with head but that sounds really backward.What should I do?

OP posts:
Lucked · 13/01/2020 22:19

Given that is her first day I think it is disappointing that the teacher wasn’t keeping a close eye on her at such a confusing time of day. However I can’t believe you planned to be late!

Only the P1s are released directly to the parent /guardian at my kids school, after that all the children leave from the one gate with one teacher overseeing. So yes this year at age 5 my child was just released from school. The little ones are just taught to not leave the grounds until they see who is collecting them.

Pomegranateseeds · 13/01/2020 22:20

She PLANNED to be 5-8 mins late - in actual fact she was later than that because she went to the wrong class! I agree, a parent 5 mins late I would barely notice, but one 10mins late on their child’s first day...yep, that gets noted!

Breastfeedingworries · 13/01/2020 22:22

YABU for arranging to be late! If parents are running Late they should call the school, yes things happen but you notify them. At 3:30 they don’t just skip home, they have other jobs, marking ect and your precious child shouldn’t be their responsibility anymore.

They shouldn’t of let your child out of the classroom. In your shoes I’d leave it though. Talk to your dc about waiting ect. Things do happen and you were late. Or you’ll end up as popular as you are on this thread. Hmm

gingerbiscuits · 13/01/2020 22:22

Why on earth were you INTENTIONALLY late picking her up? Particularly on her FIRST DAY?? You always get there BEFORE they're due to finish. You ASSUMED she'd be in a classroom, waiting?? It sounds as though you were as lax about her end of day safety as the school were, so I wouldn't be in a hurry to complain if I were you!!

ouch321 · 13/01/2020 22:22

Unless I'm mis-reading, your child was told to wait, she didn't and went out.
Then you were deliberately not there to pick her up.

The fault is not with the teacher.
Your daughter is still learning the rules, fine, but there's no way you should have planned to be deliberately late, especially on the first day.

Then rubbing your hands with glee at the idea of writing complaints etc.

Honestly...

lazylinguist · 13/01/2020 22:24

No they shouldn't have let her out. I expect they'll be careful not to do that again. In turn, you can be careful not to be late again. Actually planning to be late is cheeky and selfish.

elenacampana · 13/01/2020 22:25

Can’t believe the cheek of you OP. You’re holding everyone to very high standards except yourself. The teacher has 25+ kids to look after, you’ve got one and she should be enough of a priority for you to turn up on time. Teachers need the support of parents, they’re not babysitters just waiting around for the likes of you to turn up.

Get your act together and take responsibility for your own actions. You weren’t there. Your fault.

StoppinBy · 13/01/2020 22:25

Also I agree that you should be there early rather than late when picking up such a young child. YABU in defending that decision to purposely be late.

BallstoFLeBay · 13/01/2020 22:27

Your daughters first day, you were late and are going to complain to the head! Good luck with your relationship with school over the next 5 years!!

Why did you leave your last school?

FamilyOfAliens · 13/01/2020 22:29

I’d be furious, and I’ve moved my child to a different school for less.

I bet they were gutted when you left Grin

Twillow · 13/01/2020 22:29

You were crackers to plan on arriving late - stressing the child, adding to the teachers' responsibilities. Don't complain - she is fine and you will get a terrible reputation whcih is not what you want from day one. Just be there early in future!

mumwon · 13/01/2020 22:30

having been a double buggy users (usually with another attached as cm) I always got there early -so sorry double buggy isn't an excuse - however, in the schools I collected from when dc started particularly - teacher would stand in door & get dc to point mum/carer out before letting them out. When they were older things were different -a bit more relaxed. You were wrong & could have frightened dc but they were definitely in the wrong.

Andypromqueen · 13/01/2020 22:30

Yes, the OP was late but that is completely irrelevant. A 5 yr old child should not be allowed to wander off when no one has arrived to collect them. Anyone who disagrees with this is surely being obtuse?

OP - do not go in kicking off - the world is imperfect and everyone makes mistakes, frazzled teachers especially I’m sure. Go to reception tomorrow and explain what happened and ask for the best procedure for making it noted that you are concerned about what happened and feeling upset as it was also your child’s first day.
The response you get will probably tell you a lot about the school (and the head teacher)!

MorganKitten · 13/01/2020 22:31

The teacher should have kept a closer eye as she’s new.
Daughter shouldn’t wander off.
You should turn up at 3.30 like everyone else.

I hope when you speak to the head teacher you let them know you planned to be late. On your child’s first day in a new school, not like that might panic or upset her.

MonstranceClock · 13/01/2020 22:34

@FamilyOfAliens omg you’re so funny hun.

Some of us take safeguarding of our children seriously.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 13/01/2020 22:34

Yes, the OP was late but that is completely irrelevant

It isn't COMPLETELY irrelevant though is it?! The teacher 100% should have been keeping a better eye on pupils but it is relevant that the OP chose to be late picking her up adding to the poor child's confusion. And she wasn't on the street she was in the playground. I'd like to think any 5 year old who couldn't find their parent isn't going to leave school to try and do so.

I don't think you need to complain OP. Just a quick word with the teacher in the morning should do it. But I imagine the teacher will keep a closer eye on her from now on anyway

CameraTime · 13/01/2020 22:36

Something similar happened to me when DS was in Nursery. The system was that the children lined up, and then the classroom assistant would call each child out when she saw their parent/whoever was picking them up.

One day I arrived and DS was standing outside crying. Another mum was standing nearby; she had tried to comfort him but it was scaring him more, so she stepped back but watched to make sure he didn't run into the road or anything.

I took him back inside, calmed him down and then told the CA that I'd found him outside. She was horrified, apologised, checked he was ok etc. The Principal happened to be off that day, but the CA clearly told her what had happened, and she took me aside the next day, apologised again, and assured me that they would be reviewing the arrangements for home time to see if they needed to make changes.

So if I were you, I'd talk to the teacher, just calmly explain what happened, and see what they say. If you don't get a satisfactory answer, talk to the principal. Don't go in all guns blazing as you won't achieve anything extra and will just get off to a bad start. If they don't respond well, then you can eventually escalate to the board of governors or whatever, but start with sensible discussion.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/01/2020 22:40

It isn't COMPLETELY irrelevant though is it?! The teacher 100% should have been keeping a better eye on pupils but it is relevant that the OP chose to be late picking her up adding to the poor child's confusion.

No, it's not. the issue isn't with the child's confusion - that's not great but it's not a safeguarding issue. The child is 5 and the school needs processes in place where the child will be safe until released into a parent's care regardless of how confused she is or how late the parent is.

iamNOTmagic · 13/01/2020 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/01/2020 22:41

Oops, I meant - Yes it is COMPLETELY irrelevant.

Allington · 13/01/2020 22:43

They need to have systems in place to make sure 5 year olds CANNOT wander out.

No matter what the fault of the parent(s) in not being on time. Yes, OP should have planned better. But a parent can also have had an accident and be late, or be late for any of 101 reasons outside their control.

If the school does not have a plan in place for ensuring children are safe if their parent(s) are late, that is a safeguarding failure.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/01/2020 22:44

OP I agree, a quiet word with the head or, if a really big primary, possibly the head of Foundation Stage, letting them know what happened and asking what the process is supposed to be. At the end, if it isn't volunteered, ask to be informed about what they decide to do to ensure it doesn't happen again.

nobodyimportant · 13/01/2020 22:49

I’m not sure it’s that relevant that the OP was late. The school’s safeguarding responsibilities don’t just come to an end at 3.30.

This.

Yes, it's not ideal for OP to turn up late, especially on the child's first day. However, that is a completely separate issue. A 5 yr old child should not be able to leave school unaccompanied. It makes a mockery of having to tell them who can collect her if she can just walk off by herself anyway.

OP you should talk to the head. If you don't get a satisfactory response then I'd have serious concerns. That's from someone who works in a school.

Stuff happens and children sometimes aren't where they are expected to be at hometime. It's panic stations every time. Normally they've gone to a club or gone to the office for some reason and they are quickly found. One time a child had let themself out of a different door. It was taken very seriously indeed! The door has been changed now to need a fob so it can't happen again. A system shouldn't rely on a 5 yr old doing the right thing. 5 yr olds are not very reliable!

singleedition · 13/01/2020 22:49

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all! I’m a teacher in year one and we don’t let the children out the classroom unless we can see whoever is picking them up. If that was a child in my class I’d feel awful! To be honest I would say something to the head, that’s completely unacceptable and a massive safeguarding issue which needs to be addressed.

Your daughter should have been told by whoever was in class how routines work about going home but It wouldn’t hurt for you to have a quick chat with her about not leaving the gate etc... for your peace of mind if nothing else (even though it’s not really your responsibility when she’s in the care of school)

Hope tomorrow is smoother sailing for your both!

JosefKeller · 13/01/2020 22:53

You should plan to arrive at 3:25. How rude to be late on purpose!