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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Forgot anniversary

179 replies

ButtonandPickle19 · 12/01/2020 09:35

Our anniversary was on Monday (6/1/20) and DH forgot and didn’t get me a card or anything.
I reminded him on the Saturday prior (he has form for forgetting things) and then I text him on the Monday to say “happy anniversary! Can’t wait for you to be home to celebrate”
He came home and is got him a card, made his favourite dinner and got him a brownie, which he loves. He got me... nothing and said he’d forgotten.

(For context I text because we have a 2 Month old DS and I’m still sleeping the night shift off when he goes to work)

I’m not materialistic, I honestly would have been happy with a card and some flowers from the petrol station, he knows this! But I’m hurt he didn’t even remember to go on his way home from work. This year has been a big year for us and I felt the most important in our relationship. We had a baby, bought a house together and got married since our last anniversary. I feel quite hurt and like it was quite thoughtless. But AIBU to be so upset? It might be the BF hormones and lack of sleep doing the feeling...

FYI we did get “married” so the paperwork is done but our wedding is coming up in 2020 so we won’t be celebrating a wedding anniversary on the date we signed the paperwork, so it’s not like that date is the one we will celebrate from now on.

OP posts:
HilaryBriss · 12/01/2020 09:41

If it's not your wedding anniversary then what is it? The anniversary of your first date our something? I wouldn't expect a card for that and probably wouldn't expect my DP to remember it either.

DriveMeCrazy1974 · 12/01/2020 09:45

If it's the anniversary of you getting together, you're being a bit ridiculous and over the top. We celebrate this too (we've been together for 27 years) and also our wedding anniversary but I would never expect a gift or card for the anniversary of the date we got together.
A nice meal and wine, yes, but nothing else!

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/01/2020 09:45

He didn’t forgot, he knew it was that day as you’d messaged him, so he chose not to get or do anything to mark it.

I can see why you’re upset. Don’t minimise how you feel by blaming hormones or sleep deprivation.

You managed to be thoughtful and make an effort despite having a small baby to care for 24/7 and he couldn’t be bothered. That’s shit.

What’s he normally like on occasions?

Have you told him you’re upset?

AllergicToAMop · 12/01/2020 09:45

FYI we did get “married” so the paperwork is done but our wedding is coming up in 2020 so we won’t be celebrating a wedding anniversary on the date we signed the paperwork, so it’s not like that date is the one we will celebrate from now on.

If you went and signed the paperwork then you got married not "married"... that should be your wedding anniversary. Otherwise it's a party anniversary

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 12/01/2020 09:47

So you’re legally married yes? But your having, what? A reception/party this year?

zoobincan · 12/01/2020 09:48

He didn't forget. He knew because you told him. He is a prick. Not deliberately ignored the anniversary and chose to get you nothing, whilst given absolutely zero fucks about how you feel.

Just one small thing.. what's "married"? Are you actually married or not, because that's really confusing?

GaaaaarlicBread · 12/01/2020 09:48

My DH never remembers our ‘get together’ anniversary . If that’s what it is then I wouldn’t be worried or upset . If he forgot your ‘wedding’ anniversary then fair enough I’d be hurt but the actual like get together date isn’t as important once you’re married

zoobincan · 12/01/2020 09:48

*HE deliberately ignored..

PurpleDaisies · 12/01/2020 09:49

What’s this the anniversary of?

CakeAndGin · 12/01/2020 09:49

Do you always celebrate dating anniversaries or were you wanting to this year because of everything that has happened? Was it communicated with him that you’d like to celebrate?

I’d be upset if DH forgot our anniversary too. You’re used to his forgetfulness so you texted him. Assuming he knew you wanted to celebrate the anniversary (and have previously celebrated anniversaries) then the fact that he can’t even be bothered when you text him is pretty poor and selfish of him. You’re one step from taking his card and buying yourself a card and present.

Dahlietta · 12/01/2020 09:54

He's quietly trying to tell you that now that you're married, that's your anniversary Wink

BrokenWing · 12/01/2020 09:54

I'm reading it as they got married legally a year ago, but having a pretend ceremony and party this year. They will then have the party date as their 'wedding' anniversary

MatildaTheCat · 12/01/2020 09:55

He didn’t forget, he didn’t bother. Presumably you haven’t been married many years so use this occasion to tell him that for you it is an important and significant date and you do want to mark it each year in some small way.

You will have to keep reminding him but if he did the same next year (although I’m confused about the date he’s supposed to remember so he does have some leverage in an argument about forgetting) I’d be properly cross.

Agree, the date you were married, legally, in every sense of the word is the date you signed on the dotted line.

CakeandCustard28 · 12/01/2020 09:55

What anniversary is it? If nots your wedding anniversary then YABU.

AllergicToAMop · 12/01/2020 09:56

He's quietly trying to tell you that now that you're married, that's your anniversary wink

Yes!

Hiphopopotamus · 12/01/2020 09:59

Oh for goodness sake. So it’s not your anniversary. And you are married (even if you are apparently planning to celebrate a party anniversary instead)

Mrsjayy · 12/01/2020 10:01

I dont understand you are married but it wasnt your wedding anniversary because your wedding isn't till this year maybe your husband is confused too and is tired of the anniversary thing now you are married.

zoobincan · 12/01/2020 10:05

We had a baby, bought a house together and got married since our last anniversary.i

Erm, your anniversaries start AFTER you get married Confused you know, because they are the anniversary of your marriage Hmm

FYI we did get “married” so the paperwork is done but our wedding is coming up in 2020

So you didn't get married? How can you be married if your wedding is this year?

I went back to reread the OP to try and see if I had stupidly missed something before, now I'm more confused than ever Confused

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 12/01/2020 10:07

So are you actually married? And is this your wedding anniversary or just the anniversary of the day you met?

He’s probably as confused as me! Confused

YABU.

Bipbipbipbip · 12/01/2020 10:10

Poor bloke, I wouldn't know which date I was meant to be buying a card for either.

LoungeLizardLhama · 12/01/2020 10:11

It’s really not that hard to understand is it? They did get married, as in become man and wife on this date last year. They just haven’t had a wedding reception yet. The OP quite rationally wanted and expected to celebrate the anniversary of the day they became man and wife. That is what a wedding is supposed to be about after all, not the party afterwards Confused

Ellisandra · 12/01/2020 10:14

If you got married (that’s married, not “married” - please don’t minimise the legal commitment that many of us have made) after your last anniversary, then this sounds like the anniversary of your first date.

Or online message. Or kiss. Or going exclusive. Or... whatever made up nonsense.

If I sent that exact message to my husband, he would think I meant sex (celebrating) and was being playful about a silly “anniversary” (nb. That’s where you need the inverted commas). And he’d be right.

By all means talk to him about your disappointment- you’re married (not “married”) so he should listen and he should care.

But you have to listen to him too. If he says “I thought it was just a sweet little minor comment, and didn’t any marking - because I think it’s childish” - then listen to him too. That would be a validate opinion.

AllergicToAMop · 12/01/2020 10:15

@LoungeLizardLhama Actually it isn't because OP said since last anniversary we got married.

Ellisandra · 12/01/2020 10:16

@LoungeLizardLhama I think it is hard to understand. I don’t understand. OP said they got married AFTER their last anniversary - so it sounds like the anniversary is something else Confused

ChilliandLemon · 12/01/2020 10:18

I’m confused.