To not let DD go on this trip?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

Hands up, I’m quite anxious about this exact situation, I fear abduction but DH also thinks he’s leaning towards no as well but we’d like further opinion.

Dd has been invited by cubs to go on a seven day camp during May half term to a city 80 miles away. She’s 9, will be almost 10 at the time.

She goes on school trips, other cubs trips, family sleepovers etc and she’s our youngest child fwiw so no pfb here.

I just think this is too far and for too long and too risky but would appreciate your votes!

Am I unreasonable for declining the invitation?

How does she feel about it?

On the surface I would say YABU, there seems no reason to think that this is a risky trip. But clearly you have issues about it, as you say you 'fear abduction'. Can you say why you think she would likely to be abducted?

I haven’t told her about it yet, I only found out about it last night and wanted to decide what I thought first.

Definitely not unreasonable - 7 days is a huge length of time at her age. TBH, I wouldn't be happy at more than a single night when mine were 9. They had a 3-day, 2 night trip with school just before they left primary school, so 11, and that was fine.

I can see why you think she might miss you, but she’s very, very unlikely to be abducted! She’s far, far more likely to be seriously hurt in your car while you’re driving her to school.....

unless there's something you're not telling us, YABU- she has already been away with cubs so presumably they have proved to be competent and safe. She's 10, not 5. Please don't let her pick up on your unusual degree of anxiety.

whats risky about it?

That would be a swift no from me. Too far, too long.

A week is a long time at 9. I would say no for that reason. Not for abduction fears. Why do you think that?

Why is abduction your specific fear? Also in theory she could be abducted when she’s with you, so why is the camp specifically associated with this idea?

I too think a week is too long for a 9 year old.

My DDs went on similar trips with Brownies (and school etc.).

Is there any reason you fear abduction? Any real reason?

Do you trust this Cub group and its leaders? Have the security procedures been explained to you?

If your DD was going to be abducted the distance from home would make no difference.

I feel it’s risky because they sleep in tents without adults. It’s not a secure room or anything like that.

DS went on trips at a similar age. There's next to no chance of abduction. There's just as much risk at home. Have you ever read of any abductions from cub camps? The only worry we had was homesickness but he didn't bat an eyelid.

Too far , too long.

I’ve never heard of a cubs camp where the kids camp in tents, it’s normally in huts/dorms/cabins. Which one is it?

Too long I think. 12yo hasn’t been away more than 3 nights so far, and 9yo going for 2 nights in March and I’m already fretting as out of my 3 he’s most likely to break a limb!

Have you discussed your concerns with the leader of the group? Give them an opportunity to explain how they will manage it effectively. Ask about risk assessment, supervision levels etc to help answer some of your queries. It sounds like lovely opportunity for you child. Are they keen to go? Maybe you need more information to make a more informed choice.

Mine have been on cubs/scouts/guides camps but always in countryside/Forrest locations. I've always found their safety to be very good and felt very reassured with their care. 7 days in a city is a long time though but saying that I'm sure safety will be there top priority.

It would be too long for my 9yo so he wouldn't go. I wouldn't worry about the safety aspect though.

Are they really camping in a city?

I assume it’s not city centre. In fact not even 100% sure it’s a city. It’s a seaside, very large town/city we’ve all heard of.

I have GAD and my main trigger is abduction. I can’t rationalise that to you I’m afraid but it’s a very real fear.

To long and to far I can understand, but I am a bit lost at the abduction? Why do you feel that this is a significant risk?

I would take her lead to be honest. Am sure that won’t be a popular opinion but it’s always worked well for me and mine. Ds (16) is going to New York in a few weeks with his sixth form. He has Aspergers and I just knew he would be desperate to go as is obsessed with America. He has been away with school on trips since he was 8 and I’ve never feared abduction.

My dd is in year 4, 8 almost 9 and is going more than 80 miles away with school next month but only for 3 days. All but one of her class are going and it was clear who the child would be as is very clingy to his mum.

If my dd strongly wanted to go I would allow her. This works both ways of course and if I was allowing her to go and she really didn’t want to then I would let her decide.
It does them good, a bit of independence.