To not let DD go on this trip?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

Hands up, I’m quite anxious about this exact situation, I fear abduction but DH also thinks he’s leaning towards no as well but we’d like further opinion.

Dd has been invited by cubs to go on a seven day camp during May half term to a city 80 miles away. She’s 9, will be almost 10 at the time.

She goes on school trips, other cubs trips, family sleepovers etc and she’s our youngest child fwiw so no pfb here.

I just think this is too far and for too long and too risky but would appreciate your votes!

Am I unreasonable for declining the invitation?

Mine went from the SE to Wales and another to the IOW and I get how you feel but had I put my feelings aside and let them go. I had assurances we could collect should it be necessary.

At 9 I think I’d say no too. A week is a long time. There’ll be more trips in the future OP.

I'm assuming this is not the first 7 day trip they've done for 9-10 year olds? So they know that they cope? Otherwise they wouldn't do them.

YABU and should let your daughter decide!

I think it's fine and people saying "too long and too far" are being a bit too paranoid. This is a great development opportunity for kids that age and I don't think your dd should be held back because of your GAD. There are adults who will be there and supervising.

Sounds too long and too far in my view.

My son was asked on a cubs trip - overnight stay - with leaders/adults I've never even met! I turned it down.

Wow, 7 nights? My ds was in Cubs, and my DH is now a Cub leader. The longest they've gone away on camp for is two nights! Is this usual in other groups?
My dd was in Brownies for three years, and they never went on a camp. She moved up to Guides eight months ago, and still no talk of a camp 😟.

DS went on the school ski trip for a week last year to France, he had an amazing time and can’t wait to go again this year. However, it is a long time for a 9yr old if they are not absolutely certain they want to go.

The abduction thing is YABU though.

Nope.

I fully understand your feelings, I have OCD, 2 young children and one of my biggest fears is abduction too.

If you are like me you know it's irrational and try not to let the feeling control you but sometimes it's hard to know if the anxiety is controlling you or not

I personally would be very uncomfortable with this

If your son did the trip for the same length of time at the same age then you would incredibly unreasonable to deny your dd the same experience.

The fact it's 80 miles away does absoloutley nothing to increase the risk of abduction. Your son was equally as likely as she would be (I.e. not very at all).

I was a volunteer at a Beaver/cubs/scouts camping trip & we camped at a Scout owned campsite. There were big gates, about 15’ high with barbed wire on top to stop people getting in and there was a fence around the whole campsite. DD went camping with the Scouts without me when she was 11, she loved it, they were in Bournemouth and went to a fish & chip shop one night for a special treat. Although she’s an adult now she thanked me recently for letting her go on that camp as she’d enjoyed it so much.

(shrug) Most of DS's school year went on a 5 day camp to the Scillies when they were 8 and 9. You can't get to/ from the Scillies in a rush- when they were there, they were there! DS had the time of his life. In a couple of months, he and several other children (plus teachers)will be flying to an Eastern European country for 5 days, on a free exchange trip wangled organised by the school. He is so excited, and I am very proud that he has been selected. I think it's a fantastic opportunity for him, and I will not be breathing a word about my morbid fear of planes crashes to him. I will just be very relieved when I hear that they have landed back in the UK.

I’m a Brownie leader so same age group, and it’s further away and longer than I would take Brownies. I’ve done week long camps as a volunteer and it’s hard, exhausting and frequently thankless!

Abduction fears are ridiculous tbh. But it’s not Ridiculous to feel that it’s too long and too far away at this age. If you need to collect her ( due to illness, extreme homesickness or behavioural issues) it’s much harder than if they were down the road. A week is really long for that age group as well! My brownies are knackered after a weekend pack holiday (and so are the leaders!), and I think would be getting very overwrought and fractious by day 4!

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying no. Will she get the opportunity to go when she is older?

no.

too far and too long

OP you're thinking about your fears only..... if you were thinking that your DD couldn't cope then that's fine.

But making it about your issues is not fine!

I wish I hadn’t mentioned the anxiety now. To be called ridiculous is quite hurtful. I am very aware of how this seems to others who don’t have these feelings but at least I’m trying. I could have just said no to the email and not even entertained the idea.

I think @BoomBoomsCousin had the suggestion I’m most likely to go with.

I wish I hadn’t mentioned the anxiety now.

But it's massively relevant!

I feel it’s risky because they sleep in tents without adults. It’s not a secure room or anything like that

But they do use very secure campsites. The scouts even have a lot of their own campsites and activity centres. Google the location they have said it’s at, eg Blackpool scout campsite so you can see pictures. I assume for that length of time it will be several cub groups all together.
I used to worry about DC when he first started in cubs -now he’s out doing DofE, night hikes, camping in the snow -he has a ball.
Volunteer & get to know the leaders so they can reassure you & you know who your DD will be going with, might put your mind at ease.

I have gad/ panic disorder so I do know where you are coming from.

If the only reason holding you back from sending her is your anxiety then you have to send her. The only way to get better is to force yourself to do the things that you fear. It will be good for both of you.

No way would I agree to this. Too far for too long.

I have 2 young DDs and am terrified of abduction too, ignore the dickish comments. We can't control our fears.

If you let your son go at that age it would seem really unfair not to let your daughter go.

I have 2 young DDs and am terrified of abduction too, ignore the dickish comments. We can't control our fears.

So people that don't agree with your irrational fears are making dickish comments? Not like your mad fears that are totally stupid? Control your fears and don't project them onto your children,

I wish I hadn’t mentioned the anxiety now. To be called ridiculous is quite hurtful

That's not fair because you actions are a result of your anxiety

You are not being ridiculous. As usual there are parents on here who would gladly get rid of their kids for any length of time in the name of making them 'independent' and supposedly broadening their horizons regardless of their child's safety. These will be the same parents that dump their kids off at 8:40 on the school yard to avoid paying for a proper childminder or breakfast club.
You sound like a lovely mum op