to think that DH should be able to sleep with me having my bedside light on?

[DataColour]

Or AIBU?

DH wants all bedroom lights off by 11pm on the dot. Whereas I sometimes wish to have my bedside light on and read for awhile longer. He says he is too tired to stay up later, which is fine, but AIBU to think that he should be able to sleep even if I've got my bedside light on?
If I am as tired as he claims to be I can just go to sleep by turning my bedside light off, even if he has his light on. He got me one of those lights that fix on to your book, but apparently even that light is too bright. He won't even tolerate my phone light (I might occassionally use my phone if he doesn't want my bedside light on).

Some days I'm just not tired enough to just turn the lights off and go to sleep at 11pm. He thinks if I want to read I should be doing that downstairs, but that's just not the same.

I imagine I am being unreasonable, but I just don't get that much of time to myself (don't get to relax till gone 9.30, with kids and housework etc).
We both wake up at about the same time...7.15ish.

Buy him an eye mask

Well I was going to say it depends how bright your light is, but if he can’t even tolerate your phone light 🙄 then yes, I’d buy him an eye mask

I can’t sleep with the light on. I’ll even get up and turn off the hallway light cos it irritates me shining through the bottom of my bedroom door. Think I’ve got paper thin eyelids!

Buy a kindle with a backlight. Having the bedside light on would really annoy me

Some people find it really hard to sleep if there's any light at all. I'd suggest you do your reading in the living room and go to bed when you're ready to sleep.

I second the eye mask. Mine changed my life and dramatically improved my sleep, at least until I had DD

YABU about the side light but a book light should be fine. 11pm would be too early for me too.

Get him to buy you a backlit kindle. Much easier on your eyes and his.

Great idea Myshitisreal! Although I don't think he'll want to wear one.

YABU

His need for sleep trumps your wish to read, especially when you can read elsewhere.

Not everyone can sleep with lights on. He's asked for what he needs, listen, and do the right thing if you care for him.

My husband and I alternate this, but we have agreed that the sleeper gets priority. Especially if the sleeper is getting up with kids or early for work. The reader or less-sleepy person goes to the lounge/sofa if requested. I can't sleep with the light on, even with an eye mask.

I think a bed side light would be annoying but I can sleep through anything so probably wouldn’t notice myself

Last time I wore an eye mask I found it annoying. Is it something that you get used to?

Read in another room or go up earlier to read in bed
Yabu

Yabvu and very selfish.
The bedroom is for sleeping not reading especially when it is disturbing someone else.

My DH says this although I've got a Kindle paperwhite which has the backlight, and I turn it down to the dimmest setting possible for me to still be able to read. He still says he can't sleep. Drives me mad - I always have to read for a while before going to sleep!

You would drive me insane, read elsewhere

I don't understand why you can't read in the living room until you're ready to sleep. I can't sleep with (or find it much harder to fall asleep) with a light on as well. Is there a rule that you both have to get into bed at the same time?

Of course you're being unreasonable! You can read in another room, he couldn't be reasonably expected to sleep in another room.

I definitely can’t sleep with a lamp on but my OH has no problems if I stay awake reading

*His need for sleep trumps your wish to read, especially when you can read elsewhere.

Not everyone can sleep with lights on. He's asked for what he needs, listen, and do the right thing if you care for him*

I suspect you are right.

He seems to need more sleep than me. He sleeps in in the morning on weekends till 9-10am, whereas I'm up by 8, feed the kids etc.
he goes running sometimes and long cycle rides, and then he has to go to bed even earlier!

The slightest bit of light pings me wide awake for the next four hours or more.

This is great in respect of waking up with a sunrise alarm, but an absolute bastard if DP forgets and switches on the bathroom light without making sure the bedroom door is firmly closed first.

When I used to use an eye mask, it would inevitably shift or let light in through the sides. I found it quite claustrophobic at times as well.

Good sleep hygiene involves using your bed for sleeping and shagging, not reading or checking Mumsnet, too.

So I'm with your DH on this.

I always have to read for a while before going to sleep

This exactly! I have to read in bed before drifting off to sleep, otherwise I'm lying awake in the dar.

This exactly! I have to read in bed before drifting off to sleep, otherwise I'm lying awake in the dar.

Go to bed at 10 and read then.

Yabu. Why can't you read in another room?
I hate eyemasks, they're uncomfortable and itchy.

Either an eye mask for him or read on the sofa for a bit?

I suppose it depends on how long you want to stay up/when he’s up.. like if you end up reading past midnight if you can’t sleep and he’s up at 4 for an early shift I could see why being kept half awake or not getting a decent sleeps a pain in the arse.

Every light wakes me up.. I get up to unplug dp’s electric toothbrush when it’s charging.. tiny light flashing at me. I used to wear an eye mask but now we’ve got the baby monitor n it’s set to light up when he makes a noise, so i use that light to wake me for him.