to think that DH should be able to sleep with me having my bedside light on?

[DataColour]

Or AIBU?

DH wants all bedroom lights off by 11pm on the dot. Whereas I sometimes wish to have my bedside light on and read for awhile longer. He says he is too tired to stay up later, which is fine, but AIBU to think that he should be able to sleep even if I've got my bedside light on?
If I am as tired as he claims to be I can just go to sleep by turning my bedside light off, even if he has his light on. He got me one of those lights that fix on to your book, but apparently even that light is too bright. He won't even tolerate my phone light (I might occassionally use my phone if he doesn't want my bedside light on).

Some days I'm just not tired enough to just turn the lights off and go to sleep at 11pm. He thinks if I want to read I should be doing that downstairs, but that's just not the same.

I imagine I am being unreasonable, but I just don't get that much of time to myself (don't get to relax till gone 9.30, with kids and housework etc).
We both wake up at about the same time...7.15ish.

You are my nightmare. No light please, not through cracks in doors, windows, blinds and curtains not properly closed, phones, kindles, street lights, car headlamps, no to all of it. Just blessed, soothing, peace and darkness. Ahhhh. Zzzzz⏰

My DH did/does this and it was so bad that it was one of the first topics we discussed at couples counseling. I can't sleep with any light on. I used to seethe with rage (and tiredness) as he would sit and continue to read.

Yabu

I have a feeling this isnt the issue at all its just the thing you can actually hit back

Reading between the lines you suggest you do everything, get up early etc when he has lie in and goes for long bike rides and this is the way that you almost get your own back. He does what he wants 90% of the time at the expense of you and this is the one thing you can almost do what you want

Everyone has a different tolernce to light.I can fall asleep with full lgts on and the msic blarring. Dh struggls to fall asleep with silence and no light. It ofte takes him an our to fall asleep in the best conditions. If I was leave a small light on, he wouldnt be able to start the porcess of falling asleep until I switched it off (aka it would take him another hour to fall asleep)

YABU to think that because you can fall asleep in those conditions, then your dh ought to be too

fwiw even though I am an extremely good sleeper and dont wake up easily, someone flicking through their phone at night will wake me up (by experience of sharing a room with friend who has severe inomnia...).

So he 'needs' to sleep while you take care of the children, then he needs to sleep even more to go for bike rides? I hope you get equivalent amount of leisure time?
Yes, this is what I was saying.

i cant but thats me-prob worse iif its the only light source aswell

I don't think that your DH's need for darkness to sleep trumps your need to read in bed to fall asleep.

You both need to compromise. I can see how you've compromised by using your phone or using a book light - can't see any compromise from him like wearing an eyemask or adjusting his sleep timings.

Reasonable would be an eyemask for him and a book light for you both used together. This would mean that you should both be able to sleep well in your desired way.

Unreasonable is one person (in this case your DH) thinking that their desired sleep routine automatically trumps the other person's desired sleep routine, without any attempt to meet in the middle.

OT to the people with a paperlight kindle is it any good in the dark you dont have to strain to read?

YABU - go to another room. I can't sleep with any light in the room (I have gone so far as to put tape over the little light on the smoke detector).

Everyone is different- my husband can sleep in full day light but a light would bother me. It stimulates melatonin which is a hormone that tells your body to stay awake. Maybe try a kindle?

God I'm amazed it's 80% YABU!!
I think if he was that tired he'd just go to sleep. If my DH had the light on and it's bothering me I wear an eye mask, I used to work nights and had to get used to it.

I bet if you start coming to bed later after you've read for a bit he'll start moaning that you're waking him up.

I have a head torch that I bought for running but I use it to read, the light isn't as harsh as a phone and it's directed away from where you're sitting - DH says he can't tell I'm using it (on the rare occasion we share a room like holidays lol)

You can get them really cheap on amazon or eBay

My husbands ipad light bugs me. I let it go as I like a quiet life and I am always putting the radio on at weird hours but I can see his point about the light.

Could you ask him to put it on nightshift? It then gives out a much softer yellower light?

OP have you tried a book light? No need to invest in a kindle unless you really want one.

btw, the time you get up or go to bed (or when you stop doint chores etc...) have no relation with the ability of falling asleep or whether you can read in bed or not.

Different people have different need re number of hours of sleep. If you dont need as much sleep as your DH, good for you. But again, you cant impose on him that he will sleep later because YOU dont feel tired enough...

Take your book downstair to read. Afterall, all experts agree that sleeping (and having sex) is the only thing you should do in bed to help with a good night of sleep.

Get a blackout curtain to wear fetchingly over your head

@DontBuyANewMumCashmere, i imagine you have no trouble sleeoing and have never lived with someone who has difficulty falling asleep then.
The ability to fall asleep has NOTHING TO DO with how tired you are.

I sleep with a very thick eyemask. Even with it on I’d struggle to sleep with a lamp on. There isn’t really anything one can do if sensitive to light. But you on the other hand could easily read downstairs.

This is why I bought DH a kindle. I hate sleeping with anything on my face, can't sleep with a bedside lamp on DH's side. DH is more a nightowl than I am and preferred reading in bed but really disrupted me falling asleep properly.

This would be separate bedroom territory for me.

I cannot sleep without reading in bed for a while. It is my 'mindfulness'. Luckily my husband is ok with my kindle, booklight and phone light and recognises that his need for sleep doesn't override mine. I don't keep the bedside light on, although I am fine sleeping if he keeps his on; I tend to just go under the covers anyway.

Some people find it really hard to sleep if there's any light at all. I'd suggest you do your reading in the living room and go to bed when you're ready to sleep.

This

I have a feeling this isnt the issue at all its just the thing you can actually hit back

I wonder this too. If this is literally the only issue than YABU - read somewhere else but I think the PP might be picking up correctly on the fact that he puts his needs first and you're expected to tow the line.

On reading your OP it looks like your DH is a 'cyclist' who spends lots of time on his hobby and little with his family therefore there is clearly other more important issues going on than him wanting the light out......

Kindle Paperwhite or other backlit model. There will be cheaper ones on EBay if funds are an issue, people are always upgrading.

DH uses one, doesn't cast any light at all, whereas with his bedside lamp on I feel like I'm in an interrogation suite!

YABU. Sleep trumps desire to read, always. You can read anywhere but he cannot and should not have to sleep elsewhere. It's very selfish to insist he changes, in form of eye mask or whatnot, when you're the only causing the issue.

Read in your sofa or read before 11 pm and be considerate of your partner.

OH has to go to sleep with tv on loud!! As soon as I hear the snores starting I turn it down slowly. I use the kindle paperwhite on dim, then netflix with ear buds in and screen covered. You need to accommodate each other.