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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DH should be able to sleep with me having my bedside light on?

470 replies

DataColour · 09/01/2020 12:01

Or AIBU?

DH wants all bedroom lights off by 11pm on the dot. Whereas I sometimes wish to have my bedside light on and read for awhile longer. He says he is too tired to stay up later, which is fine, but AIBU to think that he should be able to sleep even if I've got my bedside light on?
If I am as tired as he claims to be I can just go to sleep by turning my bedside light off, even if he has his light on. He got me one of those lights that fix on to your book, but apparently even that light is too bright. He won't even tolerate my phone light (I might occassionally use my phone if he doesn't want my bedside light on).

Some days I'm just not tired enough to just turn the lights off and go to sleep at 11pm. He thinks if I want to read I should be doing that downstairs, but that's just not the same.

I imagine I am being unreasonable, but I just don't get that much of time to myself (don't get to relax till gone 9.30, with kids and housework etc).
We both wake up at about the same time...7.15ish.

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 09/01/2020 12:13

Some people can sleep with noise and light others can't. Why not read elsewhere?

Mandarinfish · 09/01/2020 12:14

I see someone has already suggested a back lit kindle - the light is less intrusive than a phone.

I feel for you here OP. I like to read in bed and would be gutted if DH told me I couldn't. Luckily he doesn't mind me having the bedside light on. I think posters are probably right that you should read downstairs instead, but I totally agree with you that it isn't the same. Try other solutions first!

Fishcakey · 09/01/2020 12:14

My husbands ipad light bugs me. I let it go as I like a quiet life and I am always putting the radio on at weird hours but I can see his point about the light.

goldenorbspider · 09/01/2020 12:15

I can't sleep without absolute silence and darkness. Dracula has the right idea. Maybe try an eye mask failing that, could you not sit in another room till your ready for bed?

GiveHerHellFromUs · 09/01/2020 12:15

I agree YABU. There's nothing more annoying than there being an irritating light when you're trying to sleep (aside from DP claiming he can't get comfy and then immediately beginning to snore Grin).

Agree with PPs that if you have to read in bed you should get into bed earlier and read then.

doodleygirl · 09/01/2020 12:17

YABVU I am with your husband - I cannot sleep with the light on or any lights - the first thing I pack when I go away is my eye mask. I use a silk eye mask which is very comfortable, maybe get one for him to try.

abitoflight · 09/01/2020 12:19

Kindle exactly due to this
I'm always awake later than DH
I think YABU

nibdedibble · 09/01/2020 12:19

Can you imagine if this thread was from a woman complaining about her partner doing this? LTB!!

Beadstar · 09/01/2020 12:20

I’d get a kindle paperwhite.

NoSauce · 09/01/2020 12:21

Some people can sleep with a light on and some just can’t. Even just knowing it’s on annoys me. Try him with an eyes mask and see if he takes to it.

Jessie9323 · 09/01/2020 12:22

I can't sleep If there are any lights on so I can see where he is coming from. I have a kindle paperwhite and if it's facing me and away from my
Husband he can't even tell I'm reading. Maybe you should try that.

KittenVsBox · 09/01/2020 12:22

I like reading in bed before going to sleep, but lights on after the other person wants to sleep is unfair.
Sorry, read somewhere else. But then phones dont come in bedrooms here- all left downstairs.

PlumsGalore · 09/01/2020 12:22

Get a kindle or a kindle app on your tablet. You can read then quite easily with no light on. DH and I do this all the time.

nowaypose · 09/01/2020 12:23

YABU. I can’t sleep with any light on and I hate wearing glasses even though I need them so I’d hate an eye mask. You should read downstairs.

Cam77 · 09/01/2020 12:24

Kindle - I'm a light sleeper, but my wife reading with a kindle doesnt bother me, as the light is very contained. Theyve just come down in price as well (you can get one with a light for about 70 quid now).

Natsku · 09/01/2020 12:24

I can't sleep with any lights showing and my OH can only fall asleep watching things on the iPad.... I bought an eyemask and everyone is happy and sleeps well.

MerryDeath · 09/01/2020 12:25

that would really annoy me.. get comfy on the sofa til you want to sleep.

Hiphopopotamus · 09/01/2020 12:25

I feel for you OP - because I think this is about how most of you sleep. I can’t just go to bed and fall asleep so reading downstairs would be useless to me. I have to unwind in bed by reading first. I feel a lot of PP’s aren’t really understanding the difference. Luckily my DH never minds my faffing around before I sleep. I also get up before him and he’s very tolerant of me being my coffee and toast back to bed to gradually wake up before my day starts! (He’s a good one)

I don’t think this is about you just doing what your DH wants - you both need to compromise so you can both sleep!

AryaStarkWolf · 09/01/2020 12:27

Can you imagine if this thread was from a woman complaining about her partner doing this? LTB!!

Pretty much everyone on the thread is on the husbands side but we're still being sexist now? Hmm

NannyR · 09/01/2020 12:27

What about audio books and headphones if you need to read in bed before you go to sleep but also need to keep the room dark?

I can see it from both sides - I wouldn't be able to sleep with a light on, but also I couldn't get into bed and go straight to sleep, however tired I was. I need to read a bit first.

dreamingbohemian · 09/01/2020 12:27

You need a kindle. You can put the light down really low and it has an amber light setting which makes a big difference (and is better for you trying to fall asleep as well).

I also need to read to fall asleep. After DH goes to bed, I read on the couch until I get sleepy then I sneak into bed and read the kindle for a bit more. He's already asleep so the light doesn't wake him up or bother him.

I'm really surprised you would even ask if you're unreasonable tbh. Most people can't sleep with any light on!

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 09/01/2020 12:29

Just because you can sleep with a light on, doesnt mean that everyone can. Some people find it really hard to sleep with light, they can't help it.

Have you tried a kindle paperlight? They are much less bright than a phone and a different kind of (adjustable) light that doesnt disturb people so much. Sounds like it might work for you

LightDrizzle · 09/01/2020 12:29

Another vote for a Kindle Paperwhite.

Backtoreality1 · 09/01/2020 12:30

Is this every night? If so then its perhaps a little unreasonable but if its only once or twice a week I would ignore him and carry on. Its give and take. I am sure there will be times when he has been out with his friends late or been snoring and keeping you awake. If you want an extra half hour reading, then go for it.

thecapitalsunited · 09/01/2020 12:30

I can’t sleep with lights on either. I find phone light keeps me awake too. If I’m staying at a hotel I have to clamp the curtains shut with one of the trouser hangers or a hair clip and prop things up to hide the light on the tv. I’ve tried to sleep on the odd occasion my DH reads on his phone at night but I can’t. And I always wake if he reads on his phone when he wakes early.

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