to think that DH should be able to sleep with me having my bedside light on?

[DataColour]

Or AIBU?

DH wants all bedroom lights off by 11pm on the dot. Whereas I sometimes wish to have my bedside light on and read for awhile longer. He says he is too tired to stay up later, which is fine, but AIBU to think that he should be able to sleep even if I've got my bedside light on?
If I am as tired as he claims to be I can just go to sleep by turning my bedside light off, even if he has his light on. He got me one of those lights that fix on to your book, but apparently even that light is too bright. He won't even tolerate my phone light (I might occassionally use my phone if he doesn't want my bedside light on).

Some days I'm just not tired enough to just turn the lights off and go to sleep at 11pm. He thinks if I want to read I should be doing that downstairs, but that's just not the same.

I imagine I am being unreasonable, but I just don't get that much of time to myself (don't get to relax till gone 9.30, with kids and housework etc).
We both wake up at about the same time...7.15ish.

Oh yes to the propping things over tv lights in hotels. Any little light will keep me awake.
I could never sleep with a tv in my room, even switched off tbh so struggle in hotels.

Another vote for a comfortable eye mask. Best invention ever. I can't sleep with lights on. It's the first thing I pack, going away.
Also as others have said, look at the kindle option.

I also have to read before bed, even a page is enough to stop my mind whirling. I genuinely get terrible insomnia if I don’t. Telling me to read somewhere else defeats the object.

If a kindle light will disturb him, if he can’t use an eye mask (I hate them) then either go to bed a bit earlier or a bit later than him. The side light in unreasonable but a smaller booklight is not.

Can you imagine if this thread was from a woman complaining about her partner doing this? LTB!!

Really

I am of the view that you hand him an eye mask and say its called compromise...

I have one the same but he comes to bed around 12.30 1pm annoys the fuck out of me as I am ready for sleep at 11 and it screws my body clock as without fail he wakes me

PS this is what you get when you train your baby to only sleep in the dark at certain times with no sound at all

I can't sleep with a light on. If you want to read you need to go elsewhere.

if its only once or twice a week I would ignore him and carry on

That is so selfish

YABU. I need total darkness to sleep, I tried a sleep mask but it moved around and made my eye area sweaty. It is worth trying though as he might tolerate it better.

I can't sleep with DP's lamp on. It's not just the lamp, it's the noise and shuffling of the awake person that's also the issue.

You can read anywhere then come to bed. He can only sleep in bed.

I go to bed early to read as OH cannot deal with the light being on when I read (even reading on my phone on dim under the covers). But I have to read as I cannot sleep until I do. I am then asleep - he comes in to go to bed, either shines his phone torch all over the bedroom, waking me up, or just puts the main light on so he can see. Then he sits using his phone until he goes to sleep ...

Get yourself settled on the sofa with a blanket and your book.
I couldn't stand any light when trying to sleep.

@m00rfarm ohhhhh he sounds like a prize prick (sorry) he would turn the main bedroom light on while you were asleep?

I’m guilty of this. I can’t sleep with the light on. Plus he is probably getting wound up by the fact he is trying to sleep and can’t while you are happily sitting there reading.
I agree with the poster who said if you want to read in bed, you should go up earlier to try and coincide with both turning lights off at 11.

One of the reasons I love my dh so much is that I can have the radio on and the bedside light and he can still sleep.

However if he ever complained I would go and read elsewhere.

@AryaStarkWolf - yes - and he cannot see why he is being unreasonable!

I think there must be some middle ground here. Having the bedside light on would make it difficult for most people to sleep, but I sympathise with your need to read as I'm the same. I think a kindle with the light as dim as possible is probably a good way forward.

Luckily both DH and I like noise to sleep so we have the tv on (light doesn’t bother us)I fall asleep first and he watched discovery or something like that.

I wake up for the loo and put radio 5 on (my go to if I’m on my own)

He wakes up later for the loo and puts discovery back on.

And so it continues until it’s time to get up

Would audiobooks be an acceptable compromise? You can get headband headphones designed for listening-to-sleep if he needs silence as well as darkness.

Either go to bed earlier to allow for reading time, or read elsewhere, create a cosy reading nook somewhere if you need to :)

I'm a light sleeper, can't sleep with any light on, especially phone. I think it's unfair on him, and its unfair to ask him to wear a sleep mask also, I would find it very uncomfortable!

My kindle paper white has transformed my life. I absolutely cannot fall asleep no matter how tired I am without reading or listening to an audiobook for a while. Reading in a different room wouldn’t work at all, because I need to be able to fall asleep as I’m reading. I use my kindle on a very low setting to drop off and if I wake in the night I can read myself back to sleep without waking anyone else up.

I have a kindle for this exact reason.

My husband is the same and I just use my device downstairs and go to bed once he's asleep. Could you do that? You might even be able to use your device in bed then, you might have to leave it a minute or two once you're in bed as getting in sometimes rouses them a bit, but then you might be turn your gadget back on.

Dark is a basic sign to our bodies to sleep so it’s not difficult to understand why some people can’t sleep with a light on. Why don’t you get ready for bed and into your jammies and snuggle under a blanket on a chair or sofa elsewhere to wind down till you’re ready to sleep.

I'm very light (photo?) sensitive and I wear a eye mask, but it's more like a headmask (it also covers my ears). It's silk and very comfortable, I love wearing it. We have blackout blinds and so quite a dark room but the mask means I don't get the little light that bleeds in from the streetlights outside and the sun in the morning in the summer.

I sympathise with your DH but me and DH have compromised by him reading his tablet with no bedside lamp and me wearing an eye mask.

Read under the covers?