to think that DH should be able to sleep with me having my bedside light on?

[DataColour]

Or AIBU?

DH wants all bedroom lights off by 11pm on the dot. Whereas I sometimes wish to have my bedside light on and read for awhile longer. He says he is too tired to stay up later, which is fine, but AIBU to think that he should be able to sleep even if I've got my bedside light on?
If I am as tired as he claims to be I can just go to sleep by turning my bedside light off, even if he has his light on. He got me one of those lights that fix on to your book, but apparently even that light is too bright. He won't even tolerate my phone light (I might occassionally use my phone if he doesn't want my bedside light on).

Some days I'm just not tired enough to just turn the lights off and go to sleep at 11pm. He thinks if I want to read I should be doing that downstairs, but that's just not the same.

I imagine I am being unreasonable, but I just don't get that much of time to myself (don't get to relax till gone 9.30, with kids and housework etc).
We both wake up at about the same time...7.15ish.

Have you tried reading a book on your phone or kindle with the text changed to white on black? It emits very little light that way.

My kindle with a backlight disturbs my Oh by flicking every time I turn a page. If he is sound asleep I can get away with turning the light to the lowest setting and putting it under the cover. He has woken me in the past by putting on the bedside light in the middle of the night

I think YABU about the lamp but he is being unreasonable about the reading light and your phone.

I would probably read elsewhere to be honest. You can read anywhere he can only really sleep in bed, and getting enough rest is so important.

A bedside lamp is unreasonable; a small torch attached to the book, the phone light, or a backlit ereader is perfectly reasonable. Eye mask if he can't stand even those.

As I say to DH when I want to go to sleep and he still wants to watch TV
“Is there a TV in another room? Yes”
“Is there a bed in another room? No”
Get a kindle or don’t read so late

This is why I have a kindle paperwhite as I can't fall asleep without reading a few pages. It's only a faint glow but DH sometimes struggles with it. Stopping someone sleeping is very unkind, sounds like you need to take turns.

Mindfulness is the other thing that gets me to sleep if you don't mind waking up with headphones round your neck.

I have a Kindle Voyage - doesn't disturb my DP at all. You can turn the page by pressing the frame or by touching the screen, so at night I can gently touch the screen and it makes no sound at all. I wish have to read even a tiny bit just to get to sleep.

Difficult. It is a bit annoying when my DP is reading later than me, even though he tends to use an iPad, which is probably less bright/diffuse than a lamp. But on the other hand I love reading in bed too (when I'm not too tired) and I'd be loath to give it up.

On balance I think YANBU and should suggest he gets an eye mask.

I was partly swayed by He sleeps in in the morning on weekends till 9-10am, whereas I'm up by 8, feed the kids etc. –what if you 'needed' to sleep late? Who would feed the kids then? He is being slightly enabled by you.

I can't sleep with any light source. Hence the blackout curtains. You are being unreasonable. Is there something wrong with your legs that you can't get up (or stay up) and read if that is what you want to do?

Go to bed a bit earlier so that you make time for reading.

Is there something wrong with your legs that you can't get up (or stay up) and read if that is what you want to do?

That's rather rude, and what have legs got to do with it?

I used to not get this at all but as I've got older I've found I struggle more to sleep if it's too light, so I "get it" more now. I think some people do just need proper full darkness to sleep.

Could you read in a different room or would you wake him up when you then go to bed?

The back-lit kindle suggested up thread is a good idea to try too ... maybe you can see if somebody has one you can borrow before you buy if you're not sure? But it should put a lot less light into the room than any kind of reading light I would have thought...

Read in the lounge rather than in bed - or try audiobooks with good headphones.

YABU.
He needs to sleep and has said he can't do it with any lights on.
You are being quite selfish to continue.
Read downstairs or elsewhere.

YABU. I can sleep anywhere but I know several people, including my mum, who are disturbed by even a tiny amount of light. If it disturns your husband then don't do it.

As others have suggested, try a Kindle Paperwhite or read before going to bed.

this is very comfy eye mask - www.amazon.co.uk/Sleeping-Patented-Contoured-Comfortable-Blindfold/dp/B078KHSCY9?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

If he decided to eatch TV after 11 you would be thie first to say he was being unreasonable as you couldn't sleep. The same applies here, it's a bedroom, if you want to read late, watch TV late do it elsewhere.

Why is he expected to wear an uncomfortable eyemask to facilitate your selfishness?

Yabu Sleep is important to health and especially if he drives or operates machinery

He could try an eye mask but I imagine it will be hard to get used to.
Failing that read elsewhere or go up to bed half an hour before him
You could sleep in separate rooms as many couples do.

I would be scared sleep in the dark. (I know, it's not rational)
When I wake throughout the night I would feel our if it was totally dark.

I also need to read or something in bed to calm my mind enough to go to sleep. If I read downstairs, then at some point I would have to come upstairs to bed. At which point I would ping back awake and have to start the reading again.

My DH is needing it darker and darker as the years go on. He also pings awake whenever I come to bed. I can see us being in separate rooms in a few years time.

Why isn't he exactly the same as you? Because he isn't you.

More listening, trying to understand (even if you don't and never will) but believing what he tells you about himself anyway; less trying to impose your will, needed here OP.

Yabvu turn light off let him sleep , if you want to read go in another room .

You need to compromise on a routine that works for you both.

I'm super difficult as I have sleep issues that make me very sensitive to conditions.

I usually can't sleep until my husband is already asleep, lights off! Even if he's in the exact position he'd be in if asleep, with the lights off, but is holding a phone in one hand. I can tell, and some numbnut part of my brain refuses to quiet down til he's done.

Read elsewhere.

Listen to audiobooks with headphones in bed at night. Audible and library audiobook apps both have a sleep timer function so you don’t need to turn your screen on to turn the audiobook off.

I read to fall asleep. It's a lifelong habit and no, reading somewhere else is not the same.
I have a kindle though. Bedside light would keep me awake as well.
So kindle and/or sleep mask.

But I also find the 'he needs to sleep more' a bit
So he 'needs' to sleep while you take care of the children, then he needs to sleep even more to go for bike rides? I hope you get equivalent amount of leisure time?

YABU! Bed`s functionality is sleeping vs you reading a book. IF this is causing an issue, then you go and read somewhere else. YABVU!